|ARMY OF DARKNESS
|Copyright 1992 Dino De Laurentiis Communications
| Reviewed by Tenchi
on 'a long time ago'|
- Ash - As bad-ass as they come. S-Mart Employee (an actual store) who gets sucked into the time portal at the end of the previous movie and finds out he's the chosen one who can stop the evil dead. (See Evil Dead 1 & 2 for more details).
- Shelia - Very beautiful maiden. Hates Ash at first because she thinks he is a member of the army of a rival lord. She later falls in love with him and they have sex in front of a fire.
- King Arthur - Not THE King Arthur. The leader of the people that capture Ash. He is the real honor and valor type, and doesn't like Ash that much in the beginning because he thinks Ash is a "loud-mouth Braggart" but learns to respect him.
- Henry the Red - Leader of a kingdom that is a rival to the Arthur's. Ends up helping the King and Ash defeat the Army of Darkness.
- Wiseman - Your wise old guy type who believes Ash is the chosen one when he falls from the sky.
- The Little Ashes - Formed when Ash breaks a possessed reflection of himself in a mirror. They screw around with him some and torture him in ways I couldn't take. Despite the size difference, Ash manages to kill only one of them. These guys are funny as hell.
- Evil Ash - An evil twin formed when Ash swallows one of the little Ashes. Leader of the Army of Darkness. Gets killed by Ash twice, once with a point blank shot with his twelve gauge, and a second time after being shot off of a catapult with a bag of gun powder.
- The Army of Darkness - A bunch of dead soldiers who arise from the grave after Ash picks up the Necronomicon without saying the proper words to uncurse it.
|Ash, the hero of "Evil Dead" and "Evil Dead II" gets taken back to medieval times after being sucked into a time portal at the end of the last movie. The soldiers who find him think he is a soldier of the opposing army, while the wizard tries to convince the king that he is the chosen one. Ash gets thrown into a pit with two of the evil dead, both of whom are killed thanks to his chainsaw and twelve gauge, so everyone is convinced he's the chosen one. The wizard tells Ash that he has to retrieve the Necronomicon because it contains the passages that can return him to his own time and stop the evil. Before he leaves, Ash makes himself a new hand from a glove on a suit of armor. On his way to the location of the book, he runs into his evil reflections while hiding out in a windmill. I'm not going to go into detail, but he spawns an evil twin from swallowing a little Ash. After a brief conflict, he kills his evil twin and buries him. Before he picks up the book, he forgets the sacred words he was supposed to say that would uncurse the book and tries to BS his way through it. Big mistake. This causes the army of Darkness, along with his evil twin, to arise from the dead. Ash returns with the book, but when everyone realizes he didn't say the words, they lose faith in him. Sheila even loses faith with him and gets kidnapped by a demon and becomes possessed. Everybody feels like deserting and running from the Army of Darkness, but Ash convinces them to stay and fight. He decides to up the ante by doing things like making arrows loaded with gunpowder and turning his car into a death-tank. They start out pretty well against the Army of Darkness, but once the AoD get inside the castle, all hell breaks loose. Ash is attacked by the possessed Princess, but sticks her with a spear and throws her off of a tower. Eric the Red comes along and finally turns the tide against the Army of Darkness. A truce is made between Henry the Red and Arthur, Shelia becomes unpossessed, and they all live happily ever after. Ash returns to his own time and goes back to his job in the Housewares department, but did he really stop the Evil Dead for good?
Interesting Trivia: In Japan, this movie was titled: Captain Supermarket
There actually is a S-Mart in Texas (Houston I think). If you ask, they'll give you the Army of Darkness tour, which includes the Housewares Dept (Ash's area of expertise), and where they keep the guns.
|Things I Learned From This Movie:|| |
- Time/space portals end at some place in which you will drop about 50 feet. Fortunately, mats will be there to break your fall.
- There are deserts in England.
- Don't screw with Bruce Campbell and especially don't whip him.
- Kill Deadites and women will go from hating you to wanting to bang you.
- Don't under estimate little versions of yourself.
- Don't take your aggressions out on a stove pipe, no matter how many times you hit your head on it.
- It doesn't matter who's bad or who's good, the only thing that matters is who's the guy with the gun.
- Evil twins are a pain in the ass.
- When someone tells you to remember some words, you'd better damn well remember them.
- Your Chevrolet turned death tank isn't worth destroying over your possessed gal.
- Bruce Campbell is the God of Ass-Kicking, and don't your forget it.
| ||Audio clips in wav format||SOUNDS||Starving actors speak out|| |
||Duke Henry: "I am Henry the Red. Duke of Shale, Lord of the Northlands, and leader of its peoples." |
Ash: "Well, hello Mr. Fancy Pants! I got news for you, pal. You ain't leading but two things right now: jack and s**t, and jack left town."
Ash: "Yeah. All right you primitive screwheads, listen up. See this? This is my BOOMSTICK!"
||Ash tries to BS his way through saying the magic words.
||Deadite Sheila: "You found me beautiful once." |
Ash: "Honey, you got real ugly."
Deadite Sheila: *SHRIEKS*
Note: most women will respond this way to a similar conversation.
| ||Click for a larger image||IMAGES||Scenes from the movie|| |
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