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Badmovies.org Reviews "2-Headed Shark Attack"
One of the most accurate film titles ever written! The plot does indeed involve a 2-headed shark that attacks, and what it attacks is a group of college kids filled with so many annoying characters that I wished it was a 12-headed shark, just so the kids would disappear faster than they did. That would be six times as fast, in case anyone wants to do the math.
| 4 Jan 2013 |
Badmovies.org Reviews "Munchies"
This movie is a rip-off of "Gremlins," but with Harvey Korman. A LOT of Harvey Korman. In fact, there is so much Harvey Korman here that there is very little time for the hungry gremlins.
| 13 Nov 2012 |
Badmovies.org Reviews "The Capture of Bigfoot"
This movie is the best film ever made in BFW (the "W" stands for "Wisconsin"). Unfortunately, it is also the worst film ever made in BFW and should only be watched by those who believe that snow is entertaining. Yes, you get to see Bigfoot, but you will also see a whole lot of snow. So...much...snow.
| 31 Aug 2012 |
Badmovies.org Reviews "The Dark Lurking"
In a number of ways, this is the movie that "DOOM" should have been, but it uses so many ideas from other films that there is precious little new material to make it interesting. Plus, the characters are idiots. All of them.
| 7 Aug 2012 |
Badmovies.org Reviews "Galactica 1980: Series Pilot"
In the year 1980, the refugee fleet of spaceships led by the Battlestar Galactica finally discovers Earth. This sequel series is terrible, and it shares very little with the original show. Well, except for the stock footage of vipers, old costumes, and recycled character templates.
| 19 Jun 2012 |
Badmovies.org Reviews "KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park"
The best way to describe "KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park" is to say that it is a "Scooby-Doo" episode, but starring KISS instead of a bunch of meddling kids and a talking dog.
| 21 May 2012 |
Badmovies.org Reviews "Sea Beast"
What do you get when you cross "Jaws" with "Predator" and cast a 1990s pop culture star as the protagonist? Why yes, this is a SyFy original movie. How did you know?
| 2 May 2012 |
Badmovies.org Reviews "Battle Beneath the Earth"
A Navy officer discovers that the Chinese are using machines to dig their way under America's defenses. He leads a team of Marines into the tunnels to stop the communist sappers before they can plant atomic bombs under our cities.
| 17 Apr 2012 |
Badmovies.org Reviews "Chillerama"
Parts of this anthology movie are absolutely brilliant. Unfortunately, the brilliant parts are smothered by loads of sexual jokes and toilet humor. I laughed some, I cried some, I rolled my eyes a lot.
| 25 Mar 2012 |
Badmovies.org Reviews "Escape 2000"
Prisoners at a futuristic government work camp are used as human game for politicians and their cronies.
| 5 Mar 2012 |
Badmovies.org Reviews "Road House"
Patrick Swayze is a bouncer/philosopher who teachers the bouncers of the Double Deuce the ancient art of bouncing, saves the town from a corrupt businessman, and falls in love with a female doctor who does a lot more than kiss on the second date.
| 14 Feb 2012 |
Badmovies.org Reviews "Alien 2: On Earth"
In this unauthorized Italian sequel to "Alien" a group of spelunking bowlers (Or are they bowling spelunkers?) discover that their favorite cave and favorite bowling alley are infested with alien monsters that hatch from rocks.
| 24 Jan 2012 |
Badmovies.org Reviews "Tarkan vs. the Vikings"
Tarkan is a string bean with a moustache, the Vikings wear pastel bath rugs instead of furs, and there is even a real, live inflatable octopus. This movie is almost 100% pure kitsch.
| 2 Aug 2011 |
Badmovies.org Reviews "Disco Godfather"
When angel dust dealers move into his neighborhood, Rudy Ray Moore becomes the avenging disco godfather of legend. Yes, he avenges his nephew. Yes, he is a godfather. And yes, dear God, there is disco.
| 13 Jun 2011 |
Badmovies.org Reviews "Getting Lucky"
A teenage nerd discovers a leprechaun in an empty beer bottle. The nerd is in love with a cheerleader and the leprechaun must grant three wishes to escape from his glass prison. If you think this sounds like the setup for a teen sex comedy, you are right.
| 4 May 2011 |
Badmovies.org Reviews "The Killing of Satan"
This is a Filipino film about a man who uses Catholic magic to battle the Devil. That alone makes seeking it out a worthwhile effort for anyone who enjoys bizarre cinema.
| 12 Apr 2011 |
Badmovies.org Reviews "Dagon"
"Dagon" is mostly based on another of Lovecraft's short stories, being about 65% "The Shadow Over Innsmouth." The remainder is 5% "Dagon" and 30% miscellaneous ideas (mostly mutant fish person incest).
| 28 Feb 2011 |
Badmovies.org Reviews "Mega Piranha"
Tiffany creates piranhas large enough to eat a battleship. The fish never stop growing and never stop eating, despite the fact that they don't need to eat to grow and were meant to grow to eat. If that last sentence doesn't make any sense to you, then I have successfully captured the spirit of this film.
| 17 Feb 2011 |
Badmovies.org Reviews "The Spirit"
For this Sadistic Santa roundtable, Dr. Freex put a little something by Frank Miller under my tree. It's not a good movie by any stretch of the imagination, but I think that Freex is getting soft in his old age. What I am saying is that I like my bad movies to be a lot better at being bad than this one.
| 23 Dec 2010 |
Badmovies.org Reviews "My Little Pony: The Movie"
Why do all of the ponies have tramp stamps? Who named them "Sweet Stuff" and "Lickety Split?" Why do I care if the Smooze gives the ponies PMS? WTF are Bushwoolies? Why am I watching this movie?
| 21 Nov 2010 |
Badmovies.org Reviews "Savage Planet"
People travel 20,000 light years across the universe to explore a new planet, only to discover that it is populated by man-eating bears. The bears are not purple. They don't have tentacles or glowing eyes. They're just...bears.
| 18 Oct 2010 |
Badmovies.org Reviews "Galaxy of Terror"
After crash landing on an alien planet, the crew of a spaceship is stalked and killed by their greatest fears. Of course one of the crew is a buxom blonde female, and of course her biggest fear is that a giant worm will suck off her clothes before it slimes her to death.
| 20 Sep 2010 |
Side Order Of Ninjas Reviews "Hercules Against the Moon Men"
Hercules has to rescue a kingdom from Moon Men sacrificing the kingdom's youth.
| 15 Sep 2010 |
Badmovies.org Reviews "Maximum Overdrive"
A rogue comet causes every machine on the planet to revolt against Mankind. ATMs can only display insulting messages, but tractor-trailers are capable of doing a lot more than calling surprised bank customers bad names.
| 31 Aug 2010 |
Badmovies.org Reviews "Tarantulas: The Deadly Cargo"
Remember how the mayor in "Jaws" was worried about the shark scaring off the tourists? This is the same movie. Just substitute "tarantulas" for "shark" and "oranges" for "tourists," and...well I guess that doesn't make a whole lot of sense, does it?
| 16 Aug 2010 |
Lost Highway Reviews "Return to Sleepaway Camp"
Drive-in Dan and Retroman Steve cut their camping trip short after hearing rumors about gender-confused killer, Angela, being on the loose. A mysterious killer is offing campers and counselors in a variety of boring and uninspiring ways at yet another summer camp.
| 16 Aug 2010 |
Badmovies.org Reviews "Night of the Demon"
The spirited exchanges between the hero and the villain are a treat, and the atmosphere is great, but what makes this movie special is the demon. It is a truly memorable addition to cinema's museum of monsters.
| 9 Aug 2010 |
Badmovies.org Reader Reviews "Midnight"
Reader review by the indomitable, but unhappy about this film, RetroRussell. Reading his description, it's hard to blame Russell for not enjoying the movie.
| 28 Jul 2010 |
Badmovies.org Reviews "Big Meat Eater"
The problem with this movie is not that it is science fiction, nor that it is horror, nor even that it is a comedy. The problem is that it is also a musical. Its budget is a problem as well. Cub scout troops have bigger budgets than this film. For those keeping track, that makes it a no-budget sci-fi horror comedy musical.
| 12 Jul 2010 |
Badmovies.org Reviews "Blue Demon"
Scientists create great white sharks that obey basic FORTRAN commands, such as GOTO, EAT, and NO EAT. Of course, the sharks escape and get stuck in EAT mode.
| 20 Jun 2010 |
Badmovies.org Reviews "Zardoz"
Updated review! Where else can you find Sean Connery dressed in a red loincloth, a giant flying stone head that preaches about guns and safe sex, and a commune of everlasting hippies?
| 8 Jun 2010 |
Badmovies.org Reviews "Bigfoot" (1970)
The poster promises an unstoppable motorcycle-hurling monster, cops clutching their useless submachine guns, and buxom beauties screaming in terror at a hairy beast that "breeds with anything." As great as all that sounds, it's not the movie that I watched. Not even close.
| 24 May 2010 |
Badmovies.org Reviews "War of the Robots"
Lady Gaga's android army returns in this Italian space opera that is desperately in need of an editor. Every scene, and I do mean every scene, lasts five times longer than it should. The climatic final battle takes almost half an hour.
| 11 May 2010 |
Lost Highway reviews "Burnt Offerings"
Why do people decide that big creepy mansions in the middle of nowhere make great vacation rentals? You know someone is going to get possessed. It's usually on the lease in the small print.
| 2 May 2010 |
Badmovies.org Reviews "Teenage Catgirls in Heat"
The title is inspired, but this film is an awful conglomeration of events that, though they are meant to produce a coherent plot, ultimately result in an incomprehensible mess. I did laugh when it rained cats on the tin-roofed farmhouse. "Meow!" **BANG**
| 26 Apr 2010 |
Lost Highway reviews "Halloween 3: Season of the Witch"
No Michael Myers, no Jamie Lee Curtis, and no Donald Pleasance? Nope, just Tom Atkins butt and some defective Halloween masks. Now that truly is horrifying.
| 13 Apr 2010 |
Badmovies.org Reviews "The Educational Archives: Sex & Drugs"
"The Educational Archives" is an entertainment goldmine filled with old classroom training films. This particular assortment contains an Italian man who canna have no bambino until he gets his syphilis fixed, a girl whose LSD trip results in a talking hot dog, and sanitary napkins so large that only three of them fit into a shoebox.
| 10 Apr 2010 |
Badmovies.org Reader Reviews "Repo! The Genetic Opera"
Guest review by Spazzo. This is an opera. The plot is about organ transplants that are repossessed if the owner does not make the payments. The cast includes Paris Hilton and Andrew Lloyd Webber's ex-wife. Yes, this is a real film.
| 4 Apr 2010 |
Shadow's B-Movie Graveyard Reviews "One Million AC/DC"
A tribe of dirty, greasy, scabby and overly stupid cavemen and cavewomen contend with the harsh realities of the prehistoric world by having constant sex.
| 28 Mar 2010 |