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42ND STREET FOREVER, VOL 1
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| Not Rated
| | Copyright 2005 Synapse Films (various dates for trailers)
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Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 16 July 2008
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This is a trailer compilation. The great thing about cult film trailer collections is that you can watch them in small increments, or just run the whole thing to bask in hours of absurdity. Sometimes, you even discover films that somehow slipped under your radar, like I did when I watched the trailers for "Ginger" and "Raiders of Atlantis."
This collection seems to concentrate heavily on the lurid and sexual, and I tend to enjoy a more balanced platter. Give me trailers from ridiculous action movies, martial arts flicks, raunchy exploitation films, space operas, cheesy horror flicks, foreign film oddities, and absolutely do not forget the cheapo monster movies. "42nd Street Forever, Volume 1" is predominantly trailers that are long on the sex (yes, John Holmes appears in some), including at least two promotional spots for 3D porn movies.
Not certain if I would see a 3D porn movie in a theater; if I did, I imagine that my seat of choice would be in the very back row. Do not get me wrong, there were some great trailers that showcased some attractive women doing what women do in exploitation films. There were also a few instances of my personal nemesis: naked man ass (and the other, floppier side).
Thankfully, The Green Slime makes an appearance, as does Destroy All Monsters (the latter seeming horribly out of place here). "The Pink Angels" looks astounding, because the plot involves a male motorcycle gang with feminine flair. "Shocking Asia" did shock me - I prefer to be warned before Asian ladyboys start dancing around in their birthday suits, but the geisha palace and sex museum offset that a bit.
Watching the trailer for Welcome Home Brother Charles, I was mystified why they revealed everything else, but failed to use what has to be that film's biggest lure: the protagonist employs his manhood like a python to choke his enemies to death. Starcrash's trailer was great, and it was even ballsy enough to show the "torpedoes" crashing through the windows of Count Zartharn's space fortress (man, I love that movie).
Many of the trailers for crime and action movies were a bit tepid and confusing, despite some great titles. What guy could resist paying a buck for the chance to watch "The Bullet Machine?"
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| Things I Learned From This Show: | |
|  | People with sensitive dispositions would be happier if they were blind.
| | | Head wounds bleed profusely, especially those caused by shotguns.
| | | Sylvester Stallone will do anything for a cheeseburger.
| | | Every woman in Africa has the exact same pair of breasts.
| | | If you are going to plunder, pillage, and rape a neighboring town, you might as well design your battering ram to look like a penis.
| | | It is hard to get a word in edgewise against a submachine gun.
| | | Europeans love anybody with "Hoff" in their name.
| | | Australopithecus' extinction was caused by the Iron Age.
| | | In the beginning, Rome was a complete sausage fest, and I don't mean bratwurst.
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| | | 4 mins - Calm down there, missy. All she wants to do is give you a massage...and he just wants to watch.
| | | 18 mins - Ahhhh! Didn't need that!
| | | 29 mins - "Dude, if you try to cut in front of me, I am going to chop it off."
| | | 45 mins - What the? Stop that, you little degenerates!
| | | 70 mins - Apparently these nuns also took a vow to abstain from razors and bikini waxes.
| | | 73 mins - Here is a camel butt, which is actually less hairy than some of the other butts we have been exposed to.
| | | 78 mins - Ahhhh! Didn't need that either!
| | | 100 mins - This is why my "battle bus" design includes steel spikes on the roof.
| | | 113 mins - I have no idea what this movie is about, and I am not sure that watching the actual film would help.
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| Night of Bloody Horror: "Keep telling yourself: it's only a picture."
| Ginger: "Her weapon is her body."
| Wicked Wicked: "In Duovision. A new experience to dazzle and challenge your imagination!"
| The Pink Angels: "They rode a lonely road marked 'detour' through a straight world."
| Teenage Mother: "Where is your daughter tonight? This is the story of a girl who wasn't careful. 'Teenage Mother' means nine months of trouble."
| The Bullet Machine: "An ex-cop tangles with an ex-hooker. They're into...MURDER."
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