|EL DIA DE LA BESTIA
|Copyright 1995 Iberoamericana Films & Sogetel S.A.
| Reviewed by Björn
on 6 September 2001
- Anjel - Preacher who knows the secret of the apocalypse...kinda! he knows the time but not the exact place! so he needs to gain Satan's trust... ...with hilarious consequences
- Jose-Maria - THE prototype of a fat metal-head! Loyal to the death he becomes Anjel's best friend. Dies by the hands of Satan... ...laughing!
- Ennio Lombardi/Professer Cavan - Famous TV evangelist and occult nut with an attitude. Gets the beating of his life more than once... ...replaced by yet another Professor Cavan....
- Rosa - Jose Maria's mother, kicks some massive ass before being killed off by Anjel. She liked rabbits way too much!
- Mina - Butt-ugly virgin! Anjel needs her blood for a satanic ritual.
|Ladies and Gentlemen! This is probably one of the best movies I've ever seen! It pushed "Evil Dead 2" and "Braindead" off their thrones and is now my new favorite movie! This one has it all! A BIG amount of grotesque humor, great acting, lovable characters, a slight amount of horror, and at least one good looking chick with a big cleavage! There's no way around this movie if you are really into the matter we so lovingly call BAD MOVIES!!
Somewhere in Spain (okay...it's Madrid) ANJEL the preacher discovers the true meaning of the apocalypse. According to ancient, mathematical, and boring knowledge he found out that the 'word' of God truly is a number telling the date of the Antichrist's birth! So far so good, but the real problem is that Anjel knows of the date but not of the PLACE! So he makes up a theory along the lines of: "If I'm a bad guy, Satan will trust me and tell me where it's going to happen!" This leads to some absolutely grotesque happenings including Anjel pushing a Mime off his box, stealing from a beggar, and wishing a dying man to go to hell.
Since the war against Satan always requires a little help, Anjel befriends Jose Maria whose name is the exact opposite of his appearance. He sure is one mean metal head! Bearded, some piercings, longhaired... ...living at mommy's place with his dear Grampa (who runs around naked and is permanently on drugs). Anyway, being a metal head, I feel our community as represented in Jose Marie is absolutely accurate! You wanna know how it is to be "Metal?" Watch EL DIA DE LA BESTIA and you will know!
Anyway, both try to find a way to contact Satan, without much success. Things change as their attention meets TV preacher "Professor Cavan," a fraud of course, but his blatant theories work anyway... ...somehow. A (totally improvised) black mass in Cavan's house leads to SOME sort of success... ...the violent demise of Jose Maria's mother, the fainting of Mina, the loss of one of Anjel's ears, and some piping hot bouncing breasts! Oh yeah, and Satan pulling off a stupid joke by displaying "quit playing games" through an anagram.
So far so good! Poor Cavan gets hit in the face several times, dropped off a building, set on fire, etc. He always gets all the thrashing! He even gets kicked while his muggers sing a song for him!
I don't want to take the ending away here, so I DO recommend you folks to head into the nearest video store to rent this jewel IMMEDIATELY! You won't regret it! You'll even find yourself watching this movie over and over again because the ending is nothing less but pure, twisted genius! DO IT NOW! THE END IS NIGH!!!
|Things I Learned From This Movie:|| |
- Preachers are vicious mathematicians!
- Father McGruder indeed DID have followers!
- Metal Heads are the perfect odd-job guys! but tend to laugh hysterically in situations of life-danger!
- TV preachers DO know the truth
- Cockroaches are satanic!!! Yup, goats, too!!
- Toast is holy!
- Women can wield big knives but still faint at the sight of a tiny scalpel!
- Hitting people on the back of their heads will grant you an instant seating opportunity
- 4 mins - A little more to the left... ...THERE GOES THE PADRE!
- 7 mins - ...I hate mimes... ...and so does Anjel!
- 10 mins - OUCH! Head through glass counter!
- 10 mins - Napalm DEZ?
- 15 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A DEAD RABBIT!
- 21 mins - AAAAAAAAAAAHK! MALE NUDITY!
- 25 mins - AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK!!! NOT AGAIN!!!
- 33 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST AN OFF-SCREEN VASE!
- 34 mins - "I hate violence" WHACK! Hehehehee!
- 35 mins - *thump*thump*thump* CARRY HER UP THE STAIRS YOU MORON! DON'T DRAG HER!
- 41 mins - Annie Oakley?
- 43 mins - I love this chasing scene. I don't know why. I'm just enjoying it. *Sigh*
- 50 mins - Okay! He fell off the building! Back to normal everybody!!
- 53 mins - Zzzzzzzzzzzzziiiiiiiiiiiiitttttt...
- 58 mins - If that's the way God sends signs we have a REAL problem.
- 65 mins - Is that the Microsoft building ??
- Anjel: "Go to hell my son!"
- Anjel (to Jose-Maria:): "I want to be one of you! I want to see the devil!"
- Jose Maria: "I betray Christ, too! Almost every day!"
- Anjel: "I'm doing evil to safe the world! You've read Trittheim??"
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