|DON'T GO IN THE HOUSE
|Copyright 1980 Turbine Films Inc
| Reviewed by Jenn
on 'a long time ago'|
- Donald - Main character, his mother burnt his arms as a child, so he goes on a murderous rampage, burning every female he meets.
- Bobby - Donald's only and best friend. This character is pretty useless, and nothing bad happens to him.
- Priest - Just a priest... ...tells Donald to forgive those who have hurt him. Donald uses a blow torch on him, but he doesn't die.
- Mother - Donald's mother, she's dead in the beginning, so Donald burns her! Her body kills Donald along with the others.
- Burnt Girls - A bunch of girls Donald picks up, takes to his place, hangs them on a hook, naked, and burns! They help Donald's mother kill Donald.
- Voices - Female voices that are there to "help" Donald.
|There wasn't much of one. Donald is working for an incinerator, some guy named Billy is pushing around ashes, there's an aerosol can, it explodes (after like 2 minutes) and Billy is on fire. Donald is mesmerized. The boss is angry because Donald didn't help, and the word fag is used a lot in this scene. As Donald is going home, he hears strange voices saying that his mother is waiting for him. He gets home, makes some tea for his mother (and a close up of a box of matches is used), he goes up the stairs and finds out that mom is dead! So, he burns her!! But he puts some clean clothes on her and sits her back in her chair. Then the entire movie is pretty much just him picking up girls for different reasons, gets them to agree to stop by his place, then he burns them on a hook naked, then puts their clothes back on, and sits them on chairs or on a bed upstairs. Any missing persons reports? No. Any female noticing the smell of burnt flesh? No. This entire movie is just waiting to see if it gets any better. Meanwhile, Bobby hasn't seen Donald in almost a week, and keeps calling to see how Donald is. Donald goes to a priest and FINALLY tells him that his mother used to burn him when he was bad. At the end, all the dead corpses come up, Donald is scared and uses his flame thrower, but to no avail, and the house burns to the ground along with Donald. At the very end, there's some new scene where some mother smacks her kid around, and the voices tell "Michael" that they're there for him.|
|Things I Learned From This Movie:|| |
- Aerosol cans make moderate explosions.
- Matches make great close-ups.
- You can play loud music with no speakers.
- It's really easy to pick up women.
- Burnt corpses don't crumble when you put clothes on or smack them.
- Weapon shops carry flame throwers and fire resistant suits.
- Even when you're drunk, you still know what division the Green Berets are in.
- Burnt flesh doesn't smell.
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