|THE CLOWN AT MIDNIGHT
|Copyright 1998 GFT Paquin Entertainment
| Reviewed by Mark
on 11 November 2001
- Kate - Daughter of a murdered actress who learned the fine art of fake melodramatic screaming from Redneck Zombies.
- Monica - Kate's friend played by Tatyana Ali who played Ashley on the Fresh Prince of Bell Air (proving once again that there's very little hope after prime time TV).
- Mr. Caruthers - The drab villain of the film who framed Kate's father years before.
- Ellen Gibby - A professor played by Margot Kidder, too bad Superman wasn't around to tell her what color her underwear turns right before she gets an ax in her head.
- George - The "rebel" who ends up being one of the two survivors in the end.
- Marty - A stereotype homosexual who has an uncanny likeness to Ben Stiller.
|The movie starts off in a theater which, due to money spent on mediocre special gore effects, becomes pretty much the mainstay for the entire film. In the first few scenes we see a female opera singer who gets stabbed repeatedly by a clown who comes through her closet.
Immediately, we find out this event happened nearly fifty years before and the actress' daughter Kate is having some kind of "weird dream." (Mind you, this is the first of literally over fifty "weird dreams" she has in this film.) Kate, along with a few other people, are going to volunteer their time at a local theater for extra credit in school. Ironically, the theater is where her mother was killed years before. Supposedly the murderer was a guy who played a clown in the opera she starred in.
Margot Kidder's character Ms. Gibby (who slurred her words together a lot for some reason) tells the class that they are going to clean out the old theater and reopen it. This amazingly sets the stage for the return of the evil clown who starts reducing the class in numbers one by one. People get impaled, electrocuted, decapitated, and thrown off buildings to name a few.
We later find out that the actor who supposedly killed Kate's mother was framed by the jealous theater owner, simply known as Mr. Caruthers. (No, he does not have a first name so don't you be forgetting the Mr.) This leads to the climax of the film which features Kate tied up, two clowns fighting, and an audience of dead people. Sound a little to kinky to you?
This movie is a perfect example of why Clowns should never exist...period...
|Things I Learned From This Movie:|| |
- Never hire a janitor with a hearing problem in case you are attacked by a knife wielding clown.
- Blood never dries, even after fifty years.
- Female English teachers always wear bad neckties.
- Parents will always comfort you after a bad dream, even if you're in your early 20s.
- Homosexuals make great sword fighters.
- Watch out for swinging bodies while using cell phones.
- You can comfort a person after they see their dead friend burnt to a crisp by simply saying, "It's OK."
- A Severed Head + Stairs + Slow Motion Video = A Whole Lotta Fun.
- Clowns are much more funny looking when they're dead.
- 5 mins - Find out what happens when Krusty attacks!
- 32 mins - I never realized how cool a clown looks jumping through a wall.
- 35 mins - Ow...now that's a splitting headache!
- 45 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
- 53 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A CLOWN MASK!
- 62 mins - At least she gives him a dirty look after being impaled.
- 70 mins - Looks like he's been on the grill a little too long.
- 72 mins - Get it...give me a hand? Ha Ha Ha!
- 76 mins - Without a doubt the best scene in the movie!
- 86 mins - Screwdriver in the eye...not the drink either.
- Ashley: "This place isn't safe."
- Taylor: "I'm going to wipe that smile right off your face."
- Kate: "Break a leg."
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