|Copyright 1996 Gable Productions
| Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'
- Jody - Freaked out kid, wants to be just like his uncle Sam.
- Jed - Isaac Hayes! (Chef from Southpark you nut.) Korean War veteran with a wooden leg.
- Sally - Jody's mother and Sam's sister, at least she does seem to realize her kid is a freak.
- Louise - Sam's widow who is now dating a local sheriff. I think she's a submissive...
- Mr. Crandell - Teacher who protested the Vietnam War, gets a hatchet to the forehead.
- Ralph - Sally's boyfriend who cheats on his taxes and is an all around putz, shot in the head.
- Phil - Town sheriff and Louise's new boyfriend, has a flagpole shoved through his chest.
- Jesse, Rick, and Clete - Three antisocial kids, in order they are: beheaded, buried in a grave, and run up a flagpole.
- Uncle Sam - Army Master Sergeant Sam Harper, killed in the Gulf War, who has returned to wreak havoc on the living.
|From Hollywood comes a patriotic movie idolizing artificial legs, burned corpses, and CRAP. Don't you screenwriters have anything better to do? Churn out the third through ninth sequels to "Terms of Endearment" or something, though you might be able to get away with shoving this in as the seventh.
What it boils down to is this sadistic Army helicopter gunner named Sam Harper was shot down by friendly fire during the Gulf War. Five years later his widow, sister, and nephew are doing fine (okay, maybe Jody wasn't doing fine, that kid is definitely headed for a killing spree then the gas chamber - freak), until the sealed casket shows up with Sam's crispy body in it. Soon the charred demon rises from the dead and begins killing everyone who doesn't give Uncle Sam his proper due. Lucky for everybody that Jed is still around, the old war veteran knows he has to save the children. (Anybody get it?)
Despite some badly contrived "patriotic" ways to kill people (detonated with fireworks, hung from a flagpole, that kind of stuff) the movie's one redeeming factor is a sack race. These people start hopping through the woods, it's a darn long sack race, and Jesse... ...the angry teenager starts attacking the other racers. Hop, hop, hop - SMASH! - hop, hop - KICK - then for no apparent reason he falls down a hill, I laughed. Don't let me get your hopes up though, that is about five minutes out of a ninety minute movie.
|Things I Learned From This Movie:|| |
- Identifying a five year old burned corpse is no fun.
- Don't hand a woman her dead husband's melted dog tags.
- Kids carry around ammo cans all the time, even to school.
- Nothing kills the romantic mood like a coffin in your dining room.
- Nice people don't hide veteran's artificial legs.
- Stilts are pretty handy for peeping toms.
- Getting spray painted sucks.
- Every school has a hatchet or two hanging around.
- Never let an antisocial teenager sing the National Anthem.
- Unamplified country music can muffle a gunshot.
- Replica cannons are fully functional and deadly accurate.
- 12 mins - Wait a minute, that corpse just killed two people then made a horrible pun.
- 23 mins - Kid, you are one twisted little pup...
- 27 mins - Acting!
- 39 mins - Jed isn't talking about his testicle is he? (You'll have to watch the scene.)
- 41 mins - There is no way Jed fought in World War II.
- 50 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
- 58 mins - This just hit me, it's the Fourth of July and school is still in?
- 69 mins - A cross-country sack rack?
- 70 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A SACK RACER!
| ||Audio clips in wav format||SOUNDS||Starving actors speak out|| |
||Sally: "Jody stay away from the coffin, it's not something to play with."
||Ralph: "We can't all be war heroes Jed."
||Jed: "I suppose you found it quite amusing when that boy went up there and made mockery of the National Anthem. You're kind of humor."
||Jody: "My Uncle Sam? But he's dead?" |
Kid: "I never said he wasn't."
| ||Click for a larger image||IMAGES||Scenes from the movie|| |
| ||Watch a scene||VIDEO||MPEG video files|| |
|This must be the longest and most violent sack race in the history of the world. It is the movie's saving grace.
| ||Leave a comment||EXTRAS||Buy the movie|| |
Reply #1. Posted on July 03, 1999, 11:54:08 PM by Punk Rocker
I agree with you hear this movie was pretty bad, even for a bad movie.
Reply #2. Posted on July 08, 1999, 08:03:48 AM by
This movie is quite dumb, but it has some cool deaths.I would rate it *** out of *****.
Reply #3. Posted on July 13, 1999, 06:28:28 PM by
Check out Uncle Sam at the end when he's shot by the cannon. You can totally see the rope carrying him through the air. What's even worse is the rope cuts through the side of the house! They don't even bother to cover it up!
I loved this movie. Probably one of the worst and funniest movies i've ever seen!
Reply #4. Posted on August 29, 1999, 12:21:47 AM by firstname.lastname@example.org
This movie takes too long to get into it and when it finally does, only delivers a mediocre ending. The only redeeming factor was when Uncy Sam got shot by the cannon, or wait, was that pulled away by a rope? I can't tell.
Don't worry! It's only friendly fire!
Your rating of 1 was spot on.
Reply #5. Posted on September 15, 1999, 03:47:14 AM by email@example.com
Definitely not as good as Jack Frost,but there's one thing that I do love about that movie. The kid who played with fireworks. Apparently an M-80 going off in your hand makes you blind,wheelchair ridden and deathly pale. But with all your fingers.Dig that.
Reply #6. Posted on September 16, 1999, 03:59:10 PM by Quahogq@aol.com
Call me crazy(or downright insane), but I actually liked this movie. But then again, I am a real push-over when it comes to zombie movies. Hand me anything with an undead freak in it and there is a 95% chance I'll love it. In fact the only three zombie movies that I've seen(And I have seen a lot)and disliked have been NIGHT OF THE ZOMBIES, REVENGE OF THE DEAD, and PLAGUE OF THE ZOMBIES. Well, anyway, this movie had some cool deaths and plenty of unintentional laughs, so I'll give it *** out of ****.
Reply #7. Posted on November 01, 1999, 03:49:31 PM by
My friends and I rented Uncle Sam in hopes of watching a movie that was so bad we could laugh at, but this was just plain boring.
Reply #8. Posted on November 07, 1999, 12:20:52 AM by ECTO@centurytel.net
What made this film so bad, was the horrible acting by the women who play Sam's wife , and his sister , and ,also, a couple of the situations were quite ridiculous . Sam Harper , abusive husband , and brother arrives back from Desert Storm charred black and enclosed in a coffin . The Army pays a visit to notify his wife of his death , and justs leaves the coffin at his ex wife's house , as if they have'nt heard of funeral homes!
After 2 dead bodies are discovered at the small town July 4th celebration, the festivities continue as if nothing happens .
There are enough funny moments and killings, however to keep this film entertaining , deserving of a couple drops of slime in my book .
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