THE CAR
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| Rated PG
| | Copyright 1983 Palo Ato Productions Inc.
| | Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'
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- Wade - James Brolin! A tough, yet tender, southern California lawman who never wears a helmet when riding his motorcycle.
- Luke - Alcoholic deputy who managed to stay off the sauce for two years, until this darn car made him drink again.
- Lauren - Wade's girlfriend, she grabs men by the scrotum as a negotiating tactic. (I'm being literal here.) Tries out for the human speedbump position.
- Chas - American Indian deputy who manages to reinforce every stereotype in the book.
- Amos - Nasty old man who beats his wife, ends up saving the town by blowing the car sky high.
- Everett - He certainly lived a full life before stopping like a deer in those headlights.
- Margie - Luke's girlfriend or wife, she appears to have torpedoes in her bra.
- Wade's Daughters - Cute little buttons who wanted Lauren to be their new mommy.
- The Car - If Satan was going to build a street rod...
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| Why the Lord of Evil would choose a small town in southern California (Read into this: desert.) to terrorize with a custom musclecar is beyond me, maybe he just does dumb things at times. The fear campaign proceeds quite well and soon the sprawling town (Population: 40 or so.) is paralyzed, even their amazing police force can't help. Why they needed ten deputies is beyond me anyway, was this place colonized by Hell's Angels or something? Even a tank would have a hard time stopping this car though, at one point it is faced with two patrol cars. Amazingly it turns and begins flipping, rolling over and squashing them before driving off. (The wonders of special effects, or maybe just having two cars and a jumble on the editing room floor.) Everyone struck by the car becomes a fatality, despite the fact that it never runs over them, instead propelling them through the air like some strange tennis ball machine that shoots humans vice tennis balls. Only Wade's ingenious plan saves the day, after luring the car into a canyon they get it to drive off a cliff and then set off dynamite charges, burying the cursed thing under a tomb of rock. There are plenty of scenes with the wheeled antagonist featured, but the movie has some annoying dead sections. |
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| Things I Learned From This Movie: | |
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- Demonic automobiles see the world through a red filter.
- It's okay to beat a woman in California, just so long as she is your wife.
- Falling three hundred feet onto sharp rocks will not blemish a body.
- It is easy for a car to sneak up on someone in the open desert.
- Kids and horses can outrun a car.
- Never call Satan a chickenship son of a bitch.
- Cars have gas tanks on the roof.
- Young women would not make good speedbumps.
- Silver, holy water, the cross, and dynamite shall be your proof against evil.
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- 6 mins - Why does it have a truck horn?
- 7 mins - The car just hit the back tire on that kid's bike, he'd have gone under the car and been ground to mush, not bumped over the bridge.
- 28 mins - What is in the weapons locker? Shotguns and a fire extinguisher of course.
- 42 mins - True horror: watching a middle school marching band practice.
- 45 mins - How incredibly stupid of him... ...oh well, he's trampled.
- 46 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A DRUM!
- 53 mins - If I didn't know better I'd say they filmed the cars doing twenty or so and then sped up the film.
- 67 mins - Watch how Chas is driving, this must be a really winding road.
- 70 mins - Why did the highway dead end in her backyard?
- 93 mins - It's the Rolling Stones and they're on fire!
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| | Audio clips in wav format | SOUNDS | Starving actors speak out | |
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| File | Dialog |  | thecar1.wav
| Deputy: "She said there was no driver in the car."
| | thecar2.wav
| Lauren taunting the car.
| | thecar3.wav
| Wade: "Looked like he smashed through our cars like he was stomping bugs. I didn't even see a scratch on him."
| | thecar4.wav
| Luke: "That car flew into that house four feet off the ground! And how did he know where she lived?"
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| | Click for a larger image | IMAGES | Scenes from the movie | |
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| | Watch a scene | VIDEO | MPEG video files | |
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 | thecar1.mpg
- 2.2m
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| Watch in horror as the screaming vehicle bears down on unsuspecting children! I think band practice is probably over for today.
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| | Leave a comment | EXTRAS | Buy the movie | |
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