|LEPRECHAUN 4: IN SPACE
|Copyright 1997 Trimark Pictures
| Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 16 March 2008
- Books - I am still confused why he was praised for his marksmanship. He cannot hit a midget that is twenty feet away. If he was on my rifle range, the boy would be going UNQ.
- Dr. Reeves - She has an exotic face and a body that looks better and better as her clothing dwindles. To quote a (hopefully non-native English speaking) reader from years ago: "Why can we not the girl nude?"
- Sticks - He is funny; he is black; and he is going to survive. Hooray for Sticks!
- Sergeant Hooker - When asked "How can you kill children and leprechauns?" he responded, "That's easy! You just aim low!" Transformed into the ugliest crossdresser I have ever seen (which is saying something), then electrocuted.
- Mooch, Kowalski, Boots, and Lucky - Marines. Dead Marines.
- Pvt. Delores Costello - Marine, you throwing your booty around is not promoting good order and discipline.
- Dr. Mittenhand - Wow, a scary German cyborg, until the Leprechaun mutates him into a scary German spider mutant with a serious fly fixation. Frozen and blasted to pieces.
- Harold - He is Mittenhand's toady assistant. Suffers from a sudden, fatal attack of pancake face.
- Princess Zarina - If her spike-studded outfit does not keep the suitors away, her powerful body odor surely will. At least, I hope that the Leprechaun was referring to body odor when he commented about being able to smell her. The only other thing I can think of is...my word, how rude would that be?
- The Leprechaun - Warwick Davis! Hundreds of years as an intergalactic criminal have dulled his razor sharp wit, but he still possesses impressive powers. He is like the Green Lantern, only shorter, and not able to survive in outer space.
|We have had just about everything "in space." Jason Voorhees in space, Dracula in space, even "Pigs in Space," so now we have "Leprechaun IV: In Space." An unfortunate aspect of this movie is that the possible humor of introducing a wee faerie folk (and a murderous one, at that) into a technologically advanced environment was completely ignored. The inside of a spacecraft is pretty far removed from the Emerald Isle, but the Leprechaun never skips a beat. He acted more bewildered when he visited Las Vegas.
Come on! There has to be something amusing to write about a killer Irish midget floating around in zero gravity. The movie advertisement could simply say, "One midget. Zero gravity. He's Irish." and I would buy a ticket.
Some Marines are prepping their gear in the ship's armory when Dr. Mittenhand delivers the order to execute "Operation Obliterate the Leprechaun." The doctor also informs the Sergeant (Gunnery Sergeant, actually) that Dr. Reeves will be accompanying the Marines for the assault. Disgusted by the idea of dragging a nasty civilian along with them, Sgt. Hooker nicknames the flustered woman "Cupcake" and assigns Books to keep track of her. The Marine reluctantly helps the young lady don a set of body armor, though calling it such gives me the willies. I think that the vest is made from nylon, and it leaves the wearer's throat completely exposed.
Meanwhile, in a cave on an alien planet, the Leprechaun is attempting to woo Princess Zarina with gold and promises of riches. In short, he tells her, "I know that I'm a disgusting little creep, but couldn't you love me for my money?" Hey, it worked for Donald Trump, and his quips are not nearly as amusing as the Leprechaun's, so why not? The Princess seems to like the idea.
The Marines enter the Leprechaun's cave and one (un)Lucky warrior encounters the green antagonist. Ever want to see a midget with a lightsaber? I mean besides Yoda (and he was more like a pointy-eared bouncy ball with a lightsaber). After Lucky is dispatched, the rest of the squad charges in and engages the Leprechaun in a furious exchange of laser fire. A grenade finally does in the miniscule menace. Unfortunately, one of the Marines decides to make a statement by urinating on the Leprechaun's remains. Something happens, and later, aboard the ship, a full-grown leprechaun emerges from the infected man's crotch.
Among the diseases that Catholics might use to promote abstinence, having a leprechaun claw his way out of my genitals would be pretty high on my list.
With the Leprechaun loose on the ship, the Marines begin sweep and clear operations. Books and a buddy decide to check the waste disposal chamber (Dr. Reeves suggests it first, so I blame her for what happens). Now, the waste disposal chamber is there to break down organic material. To do that, it is seeded with flesh-eating bacteria! What the HECK? Why not just jettison the kitchen scraps into outer space? Other than the obvious hazard of seeding shipping lanes with hunks of frozen pot roast that could cause serious damage to a craft traveling at light speed. While I am trying to figure that out, how about telling me why they think the Leprechaun would be inside in the first place? The only reason for all of this is so that the Leprechaun can slash open the protective suit worn by Book's buddy (the Leprechaun is wearing one too), and the flesh-eating bacteria can dissolve the unfortunate man. Does that happen? Of course it does.
As the search continues, sans one Marine, then another and another as the Leprechaun picks them off, Dr. Mittenhand discovers something amazing about Princess Zarina (she was knocked unconscious during the battle in the cave and brought back to the ship). She possesses miraculous regenerative properties. Taking advantage of the situation, the cyborg scientist intends to use blood compulsively donated by the comatose princess to become human again. The Leprechaun has other plans. Dr. Mittenhand receives a generous donation of the royal blood, but with an added ingredient: puréed spider. He starts to change into an eight-legged freak. In short order, Mittenhand pays homage to "Dr. Strangelove," Cronenberg's remake of "The Fly," and, eventually, the original "The Fly."
The Marines finally catch up to the Leprechaun, but they are unable to take action. The little creep is controlling Sgt. Hooker. At first, the Marine leader is a walking bomb. Then he changes (including his clothing) and turns into a cross-dressing psychopath. The Marines have to put him down. Somewhere in here, the Princess mocks the good guys and consigns them to certain doom by showing them her breasts! I guess, depending on your view of exactly how unforgiving God is, that looking at a woman's breasts might equate to total destruction. For my part, I had to give the movie props: that is one of the most RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOTS I have ever seen.
I wonder what glitter tastes like?
Because they are aboard a spaceship, and because ship designers never feel their work is complete without a self-destruct mechanism, the ship has a self-destruct mechanism - which the Leprechaun activates. Books, Sticks, and Dr. Reeves struggle to avoid becoming Mittenhand/Arachnid snacks as they scramble to deactivate the self-destruct. The Leprechaun stumbling into a shrink/enlarge ray further complicates matters. Imagine trying to hide from a twenty-foot tall Leprechaun that wants to stomp on you. The situation is perilous, but Books is ready to rumble. In outer space. With a giant Leprechaun.
This movie is so Irish.
|Things I Learned From This Movie:|| |
- My beloved Marine Corps will eventually be privatized and purchased by a mad scientist who will use it to hunt rogue leprechauns.
- Lust is like reentry, but with less friction.
- Laserguns are LOUD.
- You can get a venereal disease by urinating on a dead leprechaun.
- Princesses sweat glitter.
- When shopping for a Dalek upgrade kit it's not a good idea to cut corners.
- Shakespeare's understanding of workplace safety created the framework that eventually became OSHA.
- Little piggies and heights do not mix.
- Solving fractal CAPTCHAs is hard to do on an empty stomach.
- 1 min - So that's what happened to my spare roll of welded wire fencing!
- 8 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST CHAMPAGNE GLASSES!
- 11 mins - The walls of this cave are made of Arby's roast beef.
- 24 mins - Not sticking forks into outlets is a good start...
- 42 mins - She certainly is a pedigree blue blood.
- 43 mins - Look, don't get mad at me. The pun was there, so I took it.
- 52 mins - "Zomething vent horrivably vrong at zee Volksvagon plant zaat day."
- 54 mins - No, no. I think that the unyielding cast iron pipe broke her fall.
- 62 mins - A blueberry tarantula smoothie! I love those!
- 66 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
- 73 mins - That was almost as dumb as sticking a fork into an outlet.
- Dr. Mittenhand: "Vat is it?"
Sgt. Hooker: "Sergeant Hooker here, Sir, in the armory. We've got a female of the species, says she's assigned to our search and destroy mission?"
Dr. Mittenhand: "Correct. Doctor Reeves is the ship's biological officer and my personal assistant."
- Leprechaun: "You were meant to be a queen, and with me by your side you'll have the richest kingdom in the universe. I'll cover you in jewels from the far corners of the galaxy."
Princess Zarina: "I deserve it, you know, for all I've suffered. Being a princess and having nothing to wear!"
| ||Audio clips in wav format||SOUNDS||Starving actors speak out|| |
||Books: "I know what 'criteria' means, Doc, and I know what a 'prerequisite' is. You see, just because I am wearing this uniform does not mean that they have surgically removed my brain." |
Dr. Reeves: "Well, I didn't mean to..."
Books: "Anyway. Uh, the point is I was just thinking that I would kind of like to get to know you better, but, since you obviously think of me as a neanderthal, I'll just..."
Dr. Reeves: "Why are you defensive?"
Books: "I am not defensive, and I will shoot anyone who says I'm defensive."
||Sgt. Hooker: "All right, let's check this place out." |
Dr. Reeves: "You can't go in there. That's the waste disposal chamber."
Sgt. Hooker: "We can go anywhere we want, lady. We're Marines."
Dr. Reeves: "It's filled with flesh-eating bacteria!"
Sgt. Hooker: "Boots, you're up!"
||Leprechaun: "'Share.' Now there's a word that lies crooked upon me. The very sound of it sends my teeth to grate, and conjures up pictures of me gold being carted off to pay for feminine pleasures. Leaving me with less than what I want, and what I want is everything! I'll wed her, bed her, and bury her, all in the same day. I wonder if her father will pay for the wedding and the funeral."
||Dr. Reeves: "On the planet Dominia, when a woman of royal blood shows you her breasts, it's a death sentence." |
Sticks: "And what part of her anatomy is she going to kill me with?"
| ||Click for a larger image||IMAGES||Scenes from the movie|| |
| ||Watch a scene||VIDEO||MPEG video files|| |
|The Marines and Dr. Reeves finally catch up with the Leprechaun and his haughty princess. Unfortunately, the little bugger gets the upper hand by transforming Sgt. Hooker into a human bomb.
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