|I LOVE MARIA
|Copyright 1988 Film Workshop Inc.
| Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'
- Curly - Inventor and member of the special forces police unit. If we're comparing him to the Three Stooges he actually looks more like Larry. He eats pig brains, just thought I'd throw that in there.
- Whisky - Alcoholic member of the Hero Gang. Once he and Maria were an item, she seems to have gotten over it, he has not.
- T.Q. Zhuang - Inept reporter, manages to be right in the middle of the action, but then fumbles his camera until it is over.
- Maria - Heartless bitch and quick on the trigger. Did she really need to shoot the guy in the back of the head after the other gang members shot him full of holes? Pulls a lemming after her brother dies.
- The Master - Original leader of the Hero Gang, his honorable nature makes him betray the organization to stop their horrible crimes. He also has a neato flying motorcycle with bombs and machine guns.
- Brother - Maria's to be exact. Leader of the Hero Gang, if that position was not unsavory enough he seems to be doing his sister as well. The Master administers a good beating to the ruffian, then incest boy falls several stories.
- Pioneer 1 - Bulky and powerful robot built by the Hero Gang, they saved money by using some off the shelf parts - including a slide machine carousel. (hehehehe!)
- Pioneer 2 (Maria Robot) - The real star here and it is easy to see why. Built to satisfy some nasty little whim of Brother's the robot is reprogrammed by Curly. For some reason a huge missile can pop out of her arm which exceeds the diameter of the limb in question, not even taking hydraulics and such into account.
|Hong Kong cinema seems obsessed with robots and technology, all too often this results in me watching something very confusing and boring, but here is a welcome change. (thank Daikoku for that)
Gangs are employing powerful robots to defy law enforcement and three unrelated fellows are down on their respective luck when destiny gets an artificial hand. Chance meetings bring them together, not always on the best of terms, but every time they treat each other as human beings. Remarkable when you consider that the Hero Gang wants to kill Whisky for befriending a cop, Curly is nearly imprisoned by the police after they learn his involvement with a gang member, and Zhuang gets fired for not delivering the big story.
Pioneer 2 crashes into a water tower while trying to kill Whisky so Curly takes it upon himself to reprogram her. A combination of hastily written code and several traumatic injuries to her circuits start molding a true personality where there once was none. For all purposes it's the old "learning to be human" plot, but not overdone and it has some funny quirks. Maria the robot making Zhuang drink gasoline on two occasions jumps to mind, though her touching song number (delivered with a straight face and using a wrench as a mic) is not to be missed.
Now that the good guys have some firepower they assault the Hero Gang's complex to destroy Pioneer 1 and save the Master. Lots of shooting and people running around as the robots duke it out and overall great fun, even watching Curly and Whisky discussing how to kill and eat a dog.
|Things I Learned From This Movie:|| |
- Never volunteer to help test experimental weapons.
- Bartenders like to play a sadistic version of the shell game with drunks, this involves whiskey and dishwater.
- Never try to physically abuse the robotic replica of your ex girlfriend.
- It is difficult to run across a corrugated tin roof and be stealthy.
- Robots should be equipped with grounding plugs.
- Static from a home stereo will jam any remote controlled objects within hearing.
- Crashing into a portable toilet is bad.
- Do not annoy the guy who has a gatling cannon.
- Sometimes falling through high voltage power lines is a good thing.
- 5 mins - Suddenly we are watching a stationary truck explode, though the robot fired it's rockets at a moving vehicle.
- 10 mins - That "experimental cannon" sure looks like an M-60 medium machine gun.
- 14 mins-RANDOM ACTS OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A JUKE BOX AND WHISKEY!
- 29 mins - You would think they would program a robot not to fly into water tanks.
- 34 mins - Who designed this car anyway?
- 37 mins - Watching these two discuss killing and eating a dog is pretty wrong. Drown it? Strangle it? Eat the brains?
- 43 mins - Hey, that's my printer cable!
- 47 mins - How exactly are they still swinging on those things?
- 69 mins - Zhuang is having a really bad week.
- 75 mins - Why does she have a coiled air hose hooked up to her head?
- 89 mins - I guess you called that one wrong...
- Curly: "So many of you against one man."
Punk: "We are bullying you, so what?"
- Curly: "There's no way you can trust her, her missile is gigantic!"
- Curly: "I don't eat pork."
Whisky: "It's a dog."
Curly: "I don't eat dog that looks like a pig."
- Zhuang: "You look disgusting when you laugh."
- Brother: "I use machines to eliminate garbage."
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