|GODZ OF WU TANG
|Copyright 1998 Hong Kong Connection (This was made in the late 70's or so.)
| Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'
- Shorty - Spunky little alcoholic kung fu master who rides a wooden horse.
- Uncle - Shorty's younger brother who is suffering from terminal asthma.
- Awfei - Shorty's student, would like to marry Gigi if Buddha blesses him.
- Dragon - Uncle's student, full of good intentions, but he usually gets his butt kicked.
- Gigi - Uncle's daughter.
- The Magic Doctor - The best MD in all of, well this particular film, he also possesses the only firearm.
- Pyanee - Woman who has been the object of attraction for Magic Doctor, Shorty, and Uncle since childhood. She's about forty now.
- Two Con Artists - They encourage the story a certain house in town is haunted, very sorry to find out it is.
- The Ghost - A rather strange hopping, spinning, killer mime. Defeated by Awfei and Dragon.
|Shorty and Uncle are brothers, like any normal pair of brothers they tend to quarrel. Like any normal person in China, they use kung fu, but at a higher level than most people. Specifically they are capable of taking on a dozen guardsmen and making leaps only men attached to wires could achieve. (Hehehe!) In addition to sibling rivalry the brothers desire Pyanee, though the lady seems to find both distasteful, Shorty for his alcoholism and Uncle for the asthma which plagues him. I know you are looking for a coherent plot and I am trying, just remember it's a old school kung fu flick we're talking about here. At this point halt story! The two students have to go and fight a ghost haunting one of the houses in town. At first they only run into a pair of guys who are using props to scare people away, then the real ghost, um vampire, um killer mime, shows up. (By the way, do you have any idea how silly a ghost looks hopping along with it's arms outstretched?) After getting pummeled by the apparition they finally defeat it with Awfei's "Blood of Twelve Animals" magic. (He beat up a guy born in the Year of the Rat and took some blood, then some poor sot born under Dragon, etc.) Forty minutes into the movie we find the real story line, Shorty is afraid Uncle will die of his malaise, but the only person who can help hates the two brothers. There, that's the plot, get it? Not the best martial arts flick I can assure you, but where else can you watch guys settle a matter of honor by wiggling their feet and yelling out numbers?|
|Things I Learned From This Movie:|| |
- Wooden horses are filled with wine.
- Exceptionally large keys can be used for self defense.
- The latest in martial arts styles sounds like two loony auctioneers arguing.
- ID cards have come a long way.
- Ghosts don't rake leaves.
- Hauntings and having genital warts on your face are fatal within three days.
- Ghosts look like vicious mimes.
- If you change someone's hair color during the monsoon season, do not use water based paint.
- People using flintlock pistols shouldn't fire warning shots.
- 6 mins - Shorty is riding a windup, wooden, mobile horse.
- 10 mins - He lit the candles by pointing at them?
- 12 mins - Is somebody cleaning a rug? Oh, they're fighting...
- 27 mins - Gravity: Nature's special effect.
- 29 mins - He saw the ghost of Gene Simmons!
- 40 mins - Geez guy, where have you been sticking your face?
- 42 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A GUY WITH GENITAL WARTS ON HIS FACE!
- 47 mins - Who dreamed up the hopping ghost idea anyway?
- 66 mins - She is threatening to take her clothes off?
- Awfei: "My Lord Buddha, please find me a wife, a pretty one, who will give me lots of children, I want boys. Bless me Lord Buddha and give me a wife with big eyes and a big heart. Bless me Lord Buddha, bless me Lord Buddha, bless me Lord Buddha..."
- Gigi: "If you refuse, I'll take my clothes off!"
| ||Audio clips in wav format||SOUNDS||Starving actors speak out|| |
||Shorty and Uncle auction-fighting.
||Pyanee: "I see, it's you guys again, Shorty, have you given up drinking yet?" |
Shorty: "I, er..."
Uncle: "He still boozes."
||Awfei: "Teacher, they say there's a ghost here, but I can't see one with my kung fu. Could you check for me with your magic eye?"
||Awfei: "Teacher, anything wrong? You don't want to drink. What's wrong with you?"
| ||Click for a larger image||IMAGES||Scenes from the movie|| |
| ||Watch a scene||VIDEO||MPEG video files|| |
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