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Rated G
Copyright 1969 Daiei
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Gamera - Everybody's favorite jet propelled turtle and protector of all children, even bald ones.
  • Akio - Young Japanese boy who believes in aliens, especially after they shave his head.
  • Tommy - American boy who can hit a button with a suction cup pistol from ten yards. Oh, and by the way Tommy, your mom is woof-dog ugly.
  • Tomoko - Akio's little sister, she's smart enough not to get on board flying saucers.
  • Kondo - Goofy police officer.
  • Barbella and Florella - Two outer space chicks who love to eat brains, especially fresh young ones. Barbella zaps her friend then gets in the way of a stray missile.
  • Gaos - Huge bird monster, chopped into stir fry by Guiron.
  • Guiron - The solar system's largest paring knife, broken in half by Gamera.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

Gamera has fought some darn silly opponents, not the least of which is this one. Take a Bulldog and strap the largest kitchen knife you have to it's head, that's Guiron. (Actually kids, do not strap a kitchen knife to a Bulldog's head - though I honestly doubt any court would hear your case, our judicial system is pretty whacked at times.)

Akio and Tommy find a flying saucer, so they climb aboard and start fooling with the controls. When it lifts off Tomoko is left wondering what to tell mom, while the two astronauts are experiencing some mild anxiety, until Gamera shows up. The big turtle comes motoring through space, propelled by flames from his rear end, intending to take the kids back home. The saucer has other ideas, leaving Gamera behind and bringing the boys to an advanced world guarded by Guiron.

The planet's (it's on the mirror side of the Sun from us) only inhabitants are a pair of space women who plan on eating some fresh brains, then fleeing to Earth. It seems that a horde of Gaos are slowly destroying their world and the planet climate control system is degenerating to boot. I tell you, when it rains it pours. Lucky for Akio Gamera arrives just in time, the two cranium craving coeds were ready to split his newly shaved grape and dig in.

Unfortunately for Gamera he wasn't quite ready for an huge rubber carving knife to come jumping at him (Okay, I'm here and... ...WHAT IN THE HECK IS THAT?), he tumbles into a nearby lake after being pummeled. Following a brief rest we see the overgrown Macroclemys Temminckii back for more, and putting Mary Lou Retton to shame! He's kinda shaped like her too.

Dubbed Kaiju films are always a blast and this one is no exception, plenty of goofy lines to amuse you.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Advanced civilizations have perfect driving records.
  • Toy sucker cup shooting pistols are pretty powerful.
  • Japanese police shave little kid's heads when they are bad.
  • Gamera likes to drag race.
  • Monsters cause water to flow uphill.
  • Aliens talk in fast forward.
  • Huge monsters know how to use throwing stars.
  • If somebody will not wake up you should punch them in the forehead.
  • Turtles are naturally agile and experts on the parallel bars.
  • Gamera has a sexy butt... (Hey, they had to show it to me.)

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 4 mins - What about Uranus? (Hehe, um, silly joke - sorry.)
  • 12 mins - Is that kid wearing thigh-high socks and daisy dukes? Who dressed him? Did RuPaul go back in time and dress him?
  • 16 mins - Now these are some awesome special effects.
  • 21 mins - Earth is a planet, not a star, you moron.
  • 28 mins - Nothing like an inconspicuous BLINKING ORANGE security camera.
  • 30 mins - Are those neon hula-hoops?
  • 48 mins - What are you kids drinking, it sure isn't milk.
  • 60 mins - You know, they really should have a big "Beware of the Dog" sign or something.
  • 75 mins - What is that blinking belt thing of hers anyway, a fertility meter?


  • Kondo: "Remember, the next time, if you are naughty again, I'll shave your heads!"
    Kids: "Ewww."
  • Barbella: "And we can't waste any time, because while they are sleeping we'll eat their brains raw."

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

Green Music Note gamvsguiron1.wav Guiron roaring.
Green Music Note gamvsguiron2.wav Akio: "What a superior civilization. You know, I looked in my telescope every day, and I thought there'd be a perfect planet, without work, or wars, and traffic accidents, and I've been believing it up to this day."
Green Music Note gamvsguiron3.wav Barbella: "Let's eat the kids later, and let's fix the spacecraft first."
Green Music Note gamvsguiron4.wav Scientist: "Gamera is heading this way with a spaceship in his mouth!"
Green Music NoteTheme Song Listen to a clip from the soundtrack.

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 


 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipgamvsguiron1.mpg - 2.8m
Gamera on the parallel bars, can he stick the landing? You can reach down and pick your jaw up now. Stuff like this happens all the time in Gamera movies.

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Comments:Write CommentPages: [1] 2 3 ... 6
Gamera vs Guiron
Reply #1. Posted on July 25, 1999, 02:59:07 AM by Squishy
Too bad the new GAMERA: GUARDIAN OF THE UNIVERSE series crapped out with number three (though they're highly entertaining, they ran out of fresh ideas spontaneously--the first re-uses Gyaos/Gaos; the second one has the old meteor-monster angle; the third features a VARIATION of Gaos that looks like a high-heeled tentacle-demon escapee from a hentai-anime); I would've liked to see the crummier original foes like Guiron, Zigra, Viras, and Jiger get the "new" souped-up treatment like Gaos. The new ones don't have freaky children in shorts, but they star Steven Seagal's daughter, who couldn't act her way outta a paper bag; she's just as annoying.
Gamera vs Guiron
Reply #2. Posted on September 01, 1999, 01:29:53 PM by Warren H.
1) Cop named Cornjob, what the hell?
Gamera vs Guiron
Reply #3. Posted on September 01, 1999, 01:30:50 PM by Warren H.
Sorry, comment got cut off there after #1 (little cousin visiting, likes to hit "enter" button on my computer while I'm at it).  Anyway
Gamera vs Guiron
Reply #4. Posted on September 01, 1999, 01:31:36 PM by Warren H.
Dammit!  I give up, this movie was funny and crazy.  Now I've got to go tell little Paul's daddy that he's been bad and needs a whuppin . . .
Gamera vs Guiron
Reply #5. Posted on November 18, 1999, 12:14:43 AM by Dave of Monster Island
A classic for sure.  I can remember the first time I saw this.  I was simply floored at how silly it was.  I absolutely adore the MST3K version of this film, a classic for sure!  There are 2 Gamera movies from the old series not done by MST3K.  Gamera vs. Jiger and Gamera vs. Viras.  I wonder why they decided not to do this flicks?  Anyway, a good review and some great multimedia files.  "And while they are sleeping, we'll eat their brains raw!!!!!"
Gamera vs Guiron
Reply #6. Posted on February 05, 2000, 10:21:13 PM by
KCTV 5 used to show movies every afternoon back before talk shows started stinking up the airwaves.Once in a while they would have gamera week.While not as good as Godzilla week it was a million times better than Doris Day week.Any way this one includes a couple of sexy space babes.How come the last few early Gamera films had one Asian kid and the other was Caucasian?Do these "white"children speak Japanese in the un dubbed versions?So glad I got my Bandai Guiron vinyl figure.
Gamera vs Guiron
Reply #7. Posted on June 03, 2000, 11:21:16 AM by Chris K.
This version is not the original American release. This was released by American International Pictures-TV (AIP-TV for short)as ATTACK OF THE MONSTERS. Sandy Frank released the original Japanese version in 1985 as GAMERA VS. GUIRON with a new English soundtrack and bad panning and scanning. Personaly, I would stick to the AIP-TV version. However AIP-TV cut some violent scenes out so to see the violence uncut you will have to see the bad Sandy Frank version. But see the AIP-TV version, it is better.
Gamera vs Guiron
Reply #8. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Dave Munger
 When MST3K started doing these, Sandy Frank found out someone was actually paying money for the broadcast rights to Gamera movies, so he increased the price, that's why they didn't do the rest of them.
 The one you almost never see is the one where he fights the asparagus/squid creature, I don't know what it's called.
 No one has mentioned how incredibly hot the space chicks are in this one, maybe it's just that they're dainty Japanese women in flashy costumes being naughty. Imagine being a young boy in their nefarious clutches!
 My favorite part of every Gamera movie is the part where they speak reverently about him.
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