BLOODY BENDER
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| Not Rated
| | Copyright 2001 Combs Pictures International.
| | Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 8 December 2002.
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- John Bender - Escaped mental patient who is looking for victims, some money, and tequila. He laughs a lot.
- The Perkins Girl - She is stupid as they come and has darn big thighs. Drilled to death.
- Old Man Perkins - Drunk (that pretty much describes him). Pitchforked.
- Michael Fontaine - He was traveling door to door, spreading the word of "The Reformed Church of Reverend Al." Dies of sickled arm anemia. That would be when a person bleeds to death after their arms are cut off.
- The Lesbians - Most guys would think this a welcome addition to the movie. You are so wrong.
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Independent films usually do not have previews at the beginning, but this was an exception. "This Gun for Hire" was the movie being promoted. While the preview did showcase numerous scenes of "expert" shots blinking and flinching as they fired, I think that it was the best part of "Bloody Bender." Yes, the advertisement for another production turned out to be the highlight of my doomed evening.
A short introduction tells us that the Bender family once owned a roadhouse. The establishment was the site of many a horror as the insane family of psychopaths murdered visitors. I am inferring a large portion of the back story, because it is not provided by the film makers. That's right! You, the director and writer! I am doing your job! Anyway, the last surviving Bender escapes from an institution.
The insane man briefly stumbles into the Texan version of "Clerks." There he overhears the convenience store employee talking to his friends about Old Man Perkins' winning lottery ticket. The world runs off of money, even for those with a warped sense of what the world is, so John sneaks into the backyard of the Perkins' place. The daughter (let us call her Bobbi Jo) sees him sniffing panties on the clothesline. She immediately turns on the old horny farmer's daughter routine full force.
Officially, I do not mind the horny farmer's daughter plot device. The idea of a young woman, isolated from human contact (except for her family), being interested in sex with a visiting male, is fine. Bobbi Jo is hardly isolated though, she briefly explains the bottle of chloroform as being from her biology class. In other words: why is she so hot for the middle-aged man?
Taking the fortuitous presence of the chloroform as a sign, Bender subdues Bobbi Jo and drags her into the wood shed. There he finds lots of tools, a brand new three-prong outlet, and several pairs of handcuffs. After tapping a nail into place, he handcuffs the unconscious girl and hangs her from the nail. Then John starts demanding to know where the money is hidden. When Bobbi Jo says that she does not know, the mental torture begins. This involves him picking up various tools and waving them in front of her face.
A rake - oh no! Clippers - oh no! Ice tongs - oh no!
The above goes on for several minutes before Bender starts using the items, along with a handy candle (hot wax). The physical part of the torture session lasts for some time. I think it was intended to be erotic, but seeing a girl handcuffed, bleeding, and screaming has never helped me achieve an erection. The crazy jerk eventually gives up and kills her.
The movie is primarily about Bender sitting at the Perkins' house, killing people. The unlucky evangelist and Old Man Perkins are the next two victims. One problem is that the murderer never restrains his victims' legs. Firstly, if it was me, I would literally kick the shit out of my assailant, even if some mysterious force kept me hanging from the nail.
A serious detractor here (I am splitting hairs, all of them are serious) is the large number of mirror shots. The director obviously thought that filming a reflection was interesting. The trick is cool, when you do it once or twice, not seven or eight times.
Pa Perkins spills the beans about the money, letting John and us get on with our lives. The escapee is next seen picking up two female hitchhikers. They invite him into their trailer, then start making out (the girls, with each other). He declines when they invite him to join and what follows is a long, pointless, and repulsive lesbian scene. The lip smacking and stuff just seems to go on and on. Why does it even matter? Bender left the trailer after only a few minutes; the entire lesbian scene is padding.
The film ends (thank God) with Bender seeking employment at a bar. The owner agrees that there might be some work available, at which point the crazy dude starts laughing. The end.
The major weakness apparent is that "Bloody Bender" is the story of a murderer and his victims. But, because none of the characters killed are ever developed, the audience does not care. At least, I do not and, because Katie left the room in disgust, it was an audience of one. |
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| Things I Learned From This Movie: | |
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- A cowboy invented the MPAA rating system.
- If there is one thing that you should edit out of your finished movie, it is someone saying, "Action!"
- Chloroform is a common household item.
- An eight penny nail, barely tapped into a wall, can support a grown person.
- Air hockey is less complicated that theology.
- Mexico is north of the United States.
- Sometimes a lesbian scene is a bad thing.
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- 3 mins - Turn down the background music; we cannot understand a word being said.
- 10 mins - I get it, she is cleaning and wearing a yellow apron. Lemon maid!
- 13 mins - Sound? Hello?
- 19 mins - You know what I want to know? Where the end of this movie is.
- 26 mins - Oh look, they had a polarizer.
- 28 mins - The mirror shots are getting annoying.
- 35 mins - Clear camera! Who was that? The director?
- 45 mins - Kill them! Please? PLEASE? For the love of all that is Holy, stop this scene!
- 47 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS... ...what exactly are those?
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| | Audio clips in wav format | SOUNDS | Starving actors speak out | |
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| File | Dialog |  | bloodybender1.wav
| Perkins Girl: "Why don't you come in, sit? We might just have some fresh lemonade. Would you like that?"
| | bloodybender2.wav
| Bender: "Sweet dreams! Going to go try some of your lemonade. Hahahahaha!"
| | bloodybender3.wav
| Michael: "John, let me ask, have you ever wondered what is in the hereafter?"
Bender: "After what?"
Michael: "After, after death."
Bender: "After death?"
Michael: "Yes."
Bender: "More death, I would think."
| | bloodybender4.wav
| Bender: "Here's the fuel, hahahaha! Here's the money, hahahaha! And it's north to Mexico baby, hahahaha!"
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| | Click for a larger image | IMAGES | Scenes from the movie | |
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| | Watch a scene | VIDEO | MPEG video files | |
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 | bloodybender1.mpg
- 2.0m
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| The evangelist gets a short lesson in "old school" religion from Bender. Of course, the crazy guy starts laughing as he drags the unfortunate away.
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| | Leave a comment | EXTRAS | Buy the movie | |
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