BAD CHANNELS
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| Rated R
| | Copyright 1987 Full Moon Entertainment
| | Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'
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- Dangerous Dan O'Dare - Out of control disc jockey and defender of the Earth. Sort of a "Flash Gordon in the Morning" thing.
- Lisa Cummings - Martha Quinn! News reporter who doesn't like Dan that much, until the end - then it's time to get a room.
- Corky - Station engineer, briefly becomes a jock itch seed pod.
- Flip Humble - News anchorman, why are these guys always so happy?
- Bernie Locknut - Owner of Super Station 66, the kind of guy who wears a bowtie.
- Sheriff Hickman - Not the happiest man around, he's just about plumb fed up with this radio nonsense.
- Bunny, Cookie, and the Nurse - Sexy women who are shrunk and placed into bottles.
- The Robot - Little guy that screws up one to many times, blasted into scrap metal by his master.
- The Alien - Fungus based monster who is collecting females.
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| Not only does this movie have Martha Quinn running around, it features an alien collecting sexy women. If I was an alien visiting our planet the trip would be planned around rock n roll and Earth chicks too. This visitor packed all the essentials: robot, menacing spacesuit, specimen tube, and multipurpose wand of death. You have to check this thing out, it disintigrates the fast food delivery boy, electrocutes the robot, and causes a lethal case of jock itch to humans. You heard me, jock itch, you don't want to see some guy with a carpet of that on his chest, but you will. Dangerous Dan is back on the air after a six month suspension, he had sex with his previous station's traffic reporter while on the air. (The movie beat me to all the bumper to bumper jokes.) Now Dan is taking over Super Station 66, the only radio franchise authorized to broadcast on 666 AM. He's going to transform the old polka (Arrgggghhh! Sorry, polka flashback.) channel into the wildest rock and roll experience on the planet. Too bad for our man Dan the invader shows up, quickly taking over the station as part of it's plan. By playing certain songs it homes in on hot women then shrinks/teleports them into twelve inch tall bottles. Presumably for transport back to Planet Boogerhead, this thing had the bumpiest, nastiest noggin... ...until the spacesuit pops and out jumps a killer rhododendron. Our hero the disc jockey must save the day solo, everyone thinks his broadcast pleas for help are a skit. Armed with the powerful disinfectant "Germasol" he frees the ladies and defeats the alien. Check out the odd music videos women hallucinate before being teleported, I liked the "I'm so happy" song. ("Manic Depresso" is the real name.) Having a nurse strip down to garters and a chemise helped of course, not to mention a nun playing guitar, a man wearing a cow suit, and one dozen lobotomy patients. |
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| Things I Learned From This Movie: | |
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- Polka is the ultimate torture.
- 36-22-34 is a darn interesting lock combination.
- Female traffic reporters are nymphomaniacs.
- Aliens use jock itch as a weapon.
- Radio waves are capable of teleporting and shrinking women.
- Robot's heads are full of pink lemonade.
- Radio stations are impregnable fortresses.
- Nuns rock!
- Under every nurse uniform is a blonde vixen wearing lingerie.
- Alien fungus is very susceptible to Earthly disinfectant spray.
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- 2 mins - Produced by Charles Band with music by Blue Oyster Cult, this should be interesting.
- 8 mins - Feedback! Ouch...
- 19 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A FAST FOOD DELIVERY BOY!
- 27 mins - What is up with that thing's head?
- 37 mins - A music video at a truck stop?
- 47 mins - Music video in a school gym with cheerleaders and a band, here's an idea way ahead of it's time.
- 41 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A RADIO!
- 56 mins - The "I'm So Happy" song, this is one of the oddest things. (Actually called "Manic Depresso.")
- 73 mins - Dan, Lisa, and the angriest rhododendron you've ever seen.
- 76 mins - Oops, Bunny's still in a bottle.
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- Dan: "Dangerous Dan O'Dare is on the loose and Super Station 66 is on the air, wooohoooo!"
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| | Audio clips in wav format | SOUNDS | Starving actors speak out | |
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| File | Dialog |  | badchannels1.wav
| Dan: "Welcome to polka hell."
| | badchannels2.wav
| Dan: "Ladies and gentlemen I know this sounds crazy, but the super station studios have been taken over by creatures from another planet."
| | badchannels3.wav
| Part of the "I'm So Happy" song.
| | badchannels4.wav
| Dan: "They missed Lisa and got some goofy looking guy instead."
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| | Click for a larger image | IMAGES | Scenes from the movie | |
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| | Watch a scene | VIDEO | MPEG video files | |
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 | badchannels1.mpg
- 2.5m
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| Dan just managed to free Lisa, but the fungal invader is really PO'd.
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| | Leave a comment | EXTRAS | Buy the movie | |
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