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It's Gabora!

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Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 9 July 2008

Capsule Review:    

Japan is battered by a Category Five Typhoon as the Science Patrol watches. Hayata and the others do not sally forth in their rocket planes to rescue people; they sit safe and sound in their control room and monitor the instruments. Every so often one of them makes a remark along the lines of, "Wow, it's really windy outside."

As the storm rages, we see a camp of Young Japanese Mountaineers (they're like the Boy Scouts, but they climb things). The troop leader tells the youngsters that they are all fraidy cats for being worried about a little wind and rain. They are taking shelter from a Typhoon inside of a rickety shack with a tin roof! Of course they should be worried. They should be looking for big trees to tie themselves to, just in case the shack blows away.

"Okay boys, let's see who can tie a double figure eight loop under pressure. Tetsuo, you try. Well, what do you know - he blew away. Kaneda, your turn..."

After the storm has passed, crews working to repair a road are scared out of their hardhats by a monster that erupts from the ground. They call the creature Gabora, but it looks like a huge bulette. This is one of my favorite Ultraman monsters. Well, until Gabora changes. Later on they reveal that the armored plates around the head peel back (like some sort of huge sunflower) to reveal a ho-hum, regular old monster face. Gabora starts doing what all monsters do. It tromps around, roaring and generally frightening people. It also subsists by eating radioactive materials. When Gabora starts making a beeline for a town with a supply of nuclear materials, the Science Patrol is called in to stop it.

The Science Patrol successfully diverts the monster from the cache of uranium, but then discovers that Gabora's new path will take it right though the Young Japanese Mountaineers' bivouac. To save the Kenny encampment, Hayata lures Gabora away using the old carrot on a stick routine. Except, there is no carrot, just a cylinder full of uranium. Nor is there is a stick. Hayata is in a helicopter, with the yummy uranium attached by a pair of cables.

Finally growing tired of chasing food that can outrun it, Gabora unfolds his neck petals and starts shooting beams of energy at the helicopter. In human form Hayata is not infallible. He makes a mistake and the helicopter crashes. Shortly after that, Ultraman appears and beats the fission out of Gabora.

Things I Learned From This Show:  

Green Dot There is such a thing as "Food Grade Uranium 235."
Green Dot Always make sure you have a copilot or a multi-tool; or, even better, a copilot with a multi-tool.
Green Dot The best binoculars are made in Japan.
Green Dot One reason not to evolve petal-shaped growths around your neck is the propensity of some people to play "She loves me, she loves me not."

Stuff To Watch For:  

Green Dot 5 mins - You should draw straws, then eat the loser. I dare you to. I double dog dare you!
Green Dot 11 mins - All of the politicians who spoke out against the propane tank program, saying it was pork barrel funding, are worried about the next election.
Green Dot 17 mins - How is it that everyone knows the monster's name?

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Lesson Learned:
  • Osmosis: os·mo·sis (oz-mo'sis, os-) n., 1. When a bird eats something.

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