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Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 16 October 2007

Capsule Review:    

Late at night, a mysterious object is spotted by the Science Patrol's radar. The team is scrambled, and the UFO's probable landing zone pinpointed by electronic computer. It is at the Scientific Technical Center. Arashi is dispatched to investigate; he discovers that the personnel inside the building are all frozen and tinted green. Alarmed, the young man radios for backup, but soon he is also paralyzed by the invader.
The alien attacker is a Baltan, a memorable creature and most likely Ultraman's best-known adversary. Its face is a cross between a deep ocean shrimp and an insect, while its arms end in massive claws. The monster suit is more detailed than many of Ultraman's foes, and the alien's mocking laughter could be just as memorable. In the universe of giant Japanese monsters, the Baltan is one of my favorites.

There are multiple Baltans wandering the halls of the Scientific Technical Center, and all of them are hostile. To make the situation even worse, Baltans are able to create mirror images of themselves to confuse their enemies, meaning I might be incorrect and there is only one alien, with a plethora of projected doubles. Hayata zaps a few of them with his ray gun before beating a hasty retreat. When he returns, he brings Ide along with him. Not that Ide is terribly effective (the best thing he does this episode is sustain a black eye), but at least his screaming might distract an enemy.

To communicate with the jumpsuit-wearing hairless apes, the Baltan take control of Arashi's body. Through him, Hayata is able to parlay with the aliens and offers them sanctuary on Earth. It turns out that there are a few more of the visitors than expected (about sixty billion more). The only way to resolve this immigration issue is through combat and the Baltan displays another unexpected power. It becomes a giant monster! Ultraman sets the Baltan warrior on fire and then destroys the alien spaceship. Billions of beings die in a matter of seconds, but the good guys win. Hooray! Hooray for genocide!

Things I Learned From This Show:  

Green Dot Japanese fraternities have the coolest pledge pins.
Green Dot "Karma Chameleon" was not a song; it was an attempt to create a universal greeting.
Green Dot Never let mad scientists congregate in groups.

Stuff To Watch For:  

Green Dot 2 mins - You look like the Target mascot.
Green Dot 15 mins - This reminds me of a really freaky morning I had after drinking too much absinthe and eating a load of Hostess Ho Hos, except, instead of laughing aliens, my drunken vision was filled with laughing gophers (with bright blue fur). I don't drink absinthe anymore.
Green Dot 20 mins - Time to attach a lanyard to that thing.

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Earth is visited by a GIANT ANTIMATTER SPACE BUZZARD! Gawk at the amazingly bad bird puppet, or chuckle over the silly dialog. This is one of the greatest b-movies ever made.

Lesson Learned:
  • Osmosis: os·mo·sis (oz-mo'sis, os-) n., 1. When a bird eats something.

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