|Copyright 1991 Turner Home Entertainment
| Reviewed by Adam Eshack
on 'a long time ago'|
- Michael - Played by Sean Astin ("Rudy"). Friendly, but strange jock. Stuck hanging out with his annoying cousins, Kyle and Josh, while telling old campfire tales to each other. Henry's his dad.
- Kyle and Josh - Michael's annoying cousins. Josh loves to tell gross jokes and Kyle often yells at him. Killed by Henry.
- Henry (a.k.a. Mr. Jenkins) - Michael's dad. A scrawny little monster in disguise at different schools as a janitor to eat bratty kids.
- Miss Titmarsh - The psycho 4th grade teacher. Loves to make fun of Danny. She's eaten by Henry.
- Danny Hollister - Little geek who is often picked on by Rudy, Brad, and Lance. Friends with Henry.
- Rudy, Brad, and Lance - Macho school bullies who often pick on Danny. Eaten by Henry.
- Gordy Belcher - Rude, fat kid with a lisp and a weird obsession for dead flies, gets his arms torn off.
- Farmer Spivey - Crazy old goon who makes a secret manure ingredient that causes objects to grow; hates Gordy's guts and gives him the manure to feed to his flies.
- Mr. and Mrs. Belcher - Gordy's fighting parents who have to put up with their weirdo son. Dad often insults him. Both are killed by Gordy's manure fueled flies.
- Jenny - Pretty girl who kinda likes Gordy, until he feeds her cookies with dead flies in them.
- Poodle Lady - A stupid old woman who puts her poodle in a microwave.
- Poodle - Cute puppy. Blown up by his stupid owner when put in a microwave.
|Michael has his two annoying cousins Kyle and Josh over for vacation and they all decide to tell each other horror stories in a tent to try and give each other the willies. They tell a bunch of different stories which involve a fat KFC-eating woman eating a fried rat, an old mans death in a haunted house ride, an old lady putting her poodle in a microwave, a nerd feeding his teacher and school bullies to a monster which turns out to be the school janitor (!), and a fat kids obsession with dead flies, which soon gets serious when his flies become powered with a special manure. This is a silly and predictable, but very funny and watchable b-film. It seems like it was written by a 6 year old kid, but the director and the cast of familiar faces are great and the humor is done in a good, campy, tongue-in-cheek fashion. I found it on sale at the video store I work for, for 5 bucks and I am proud to own it. This is as bad and as fun as b-movies get. This is best to watch with the friends to have some good laughs. Besides, how can you resist a movie with the tagline "You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll puke, you'll die."|
|Things I Learned From This Movie:|| |
- Those joyful Kentucky Fried Chicken employees often like to feed their customers fried rats instead of chicken.
- Putting puppies in the microwave isn't such a good idea.
- Close-ups of fat women stuffing their faces is gross.
- Collecting dead flies is a pretty nasty hobby.
- School janitors are actually flesh eating monsters that feed on school bullies.
- Lightning bugs look like rotating green mini light bulbs.
- To impress a girl, feed her cookies with dead flies in them.
- 1 min - Like I'm sure those are supposed to be lightening bugs.
- 15 mins - Those bullies are really frightening. Look at how hard Rudy kicks Danny.
- 16 mins - Somebody shut Mr. Jenkins up from singing.
- 28 mins - Would you believe this kid if he told you a monster was in the bathroom?
- 30 mins - Miss Titmarsh obviously must be deaf if she can't hear that monster coming right from behind her.
- 32 mins - Wow, Danny's jeans dried up fast after that accident.
- 33 mins - MESS-UP: Look at the toilet in the overhead shot, suddenly all that blood and mess in the toilet has cleaned itself up.
- 38 mins - Man, now it's back to Mr. Jenkins singing those annoying songs. Shut up already!
- 48 mins - Attack of the plastic fly!
- 57 mins - All right, now I think we get the point that Gordy's a weirdo.
- 66 mins - Wow, "Growing Pains" is on TV, Kirk Cameron and Tracey Gold must've had a hard time squeezing their busy schedules to make a cameo for this film.
- 68 mins - All right, now enough with the dream sequences.
- 81 mins - MESS-UP: Hey, it's the boom mike making a rather long cameo above Gordy. (Look through his window.)
- Fat Lady: "I'd like the FIFTEEN PIECE BUCKET and a LARGE CHOCOLATE SHAKE!"
- Brad: "Maybe Danny took a crap and thought it was a monster."
- Danny: "The monster got Mr. Jenkins, it KILLED him! The monster KILLED Mr. Jenkins! It pulled off his head!"
- Gordy's Dad: "Other kids play baseball and go to school dances. Other boys are interested in girls... ...hell, other kids even have some friends. All you do is sit downstairs in the dark and play with those... ...FILTHY DAMN FLIES!"
- Gordy: "If I'm not home soon, my parent's are calling the cops."
Farmer Spivey: "If you're not home soon, your parents are going to have a party!"
- Horny teenager with girlfriend: "Get me the Gettysberg nuggets... ...to go!"
- Farmer Spivey: "You just get outta here right now, before me and old Bessie here decide to perform a little primitive weight reduction!"
| ||Audio clips in wav format||SOUNDS||Starving actors speak out|| |
||Kyle: "Whoa, wait a minute. This isn't that dumb story about the time you and your friends found that pirate ship in an old cave..."
||Mr. Jenkins: "Hey, you know this ain't a public hanging, you kids ought to be back in your classes."
||Danny: "Mrs. Titmarsh, Mrs. Titmarsh! There's a monster in the bathroom, a monster's in the bathroom!" |
Mrs. Titmarsh: "Quiet down."
||Farmer Spivey: "You just get outta here right now, before me and old Bessie here decide to perform a little primitive weight reduction!"
||Gordy's Dad: "Other boys are interested in girls... ...hell, other kids even have some friends. All you do is sit downstairs in the dark and play with those... ...filthy damn flies!"
||Gordy's Mom: "Gordy for God's sake, you made a girl eat dead flies!"
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