|OPERATION CONDOR 2: THE ARMOUR OF GODS
|Copyright 1986 Golden Harvest
| Reviewed by A.D.
on 4 July 2001
- Jackie (Asian Hawk) - Jackie Chan! A modern day, rich man's Robin Hood who steals ancient relics and then sells them.
- Grand Wizard - Ken Boyle! Evil Wizard with bad mascara and a dubbing problem; wants to overthrow the world by destroying the Armour of God. Preaches about willing to die for his beliefs, but runs away in fear after being offered lighted dynamite.
- Alan - Alan Tam. Hong Kong peace-singer and love interest of Laura (or Laula in this film) who kicked sand into Jackie's eyes when they were kids. Ends up pulling Jackie from midair into a hot-air balloon.
- Laura - Rosamund Kwan! Love interest of both Jackie and Alan. Drugged by the evil cult and takes the Armour of God away from Jackie. Ends up the hot-air balloon too.
- May - Some girl! European shooting champion and daughter of a rich billionaire who buys the holy sword from Jackie. Ends up in the balloon with Jackie.
- Cult Minions - Lots of them; don't do much besides get beaten up by Jackie, reporting on drug vegetation, or going after hookers.
|There aren't bad Jackie Chan films, but when you look throughout Jackie's movie career, this (baring his early seventy stints) is probably the worst. The plot isn't worked out properly, it plays as an updated Indiana Jones with a twist (the twist being that Jackie is hard-pressed, gum-chewing, and runs around with dynamite stuck to his chest). Somehow it involves the Armour of God: a five-piece relic that supposedly was the armour of the god who won in a huge battle.
Naturally there is an evil cult that wants to destroy the armour. They have two parts of it and require the other three, so they kidnap Laura and force Jackie and Alan to retrieve the armour for them.
Jackie and Alan get the Armour from a billionaire count on the condition that his daughter, May, goes with them. Why she wants to go is a mystery to me.
Anyway, they get Laura back, but she is drugged and horny. After some bedroom antics she steals the Armour (along with Alan) and takes it back to the evil cult. Of course, Jackie must rescue them.
One thing that really bugged me was that we are told quite a lot about the Armour of God and its never really followed up. All we are told is that, if it is destroyed, all hell will break loose and hope will die. So what happens in the end? Jackie blows everything up, including the armour of god in the process.
Anyway, you never watch a Jackie Chan film for its plot, because you know it doesn't really matter. You wait with baited breath to see what he does; what action he serves - what effortless stunts he does so well. He certainly delivers.
Stunts include the infamous sequence where Jackie Chan damaged his skull falling from a high tree. This one injury nearly cost him his life.
Other stunts include a fine car chase that turns into a subliminal advertisement for Mitsubishi (heck, even the bikes are Mitsubishi). However, the most memorable sequence is when Jackie fights the four Amazon women. It's a hoot and the whole sequence, including the one-man army fight against the monks, is amazing to watch. And it is at breakneck speed. So I guess it's a shame that the rest of the film isn't at the same speed.
|Things I Learned From This Movie:|| |
- Make sure you understand signs in different languages, especially ones which say "Warning - Beware of the Dogs!"
- Evil cults and local European gangs use Mitsubishi products.
- In the European Women Shooting Championships there were only two contestants.
- Speaking gibberish to local African tribespeople can help when you are stealing their religious artifacts.
- Whilst impersonating a deity, make sure the high chief (the one committing the sacrifice) doesn't look behind the deity statue.
- Local African tribespeople are trained for sliding down hills and have sliding pads.
- If the hero says he can only take on "two at a time," he's lying.
- Monks carrying AK-47s are given free access to Paris fashion shows.
- Deadly Amazon Women turn into Chinese stunt men in drag whenever they take a fall, kick, or whenever they are out of focus.
- Trees grow in midair.
- You can get kicked, punched, and get beaten half to death, yet still have any sticks of dynamite, lined inside your coat, left intact.
- Flicking sweets into your mouth is very hard (from End Credits).
- When in Europe, don't drink the wine - it is highly flammable.
- It is okay to blow up Religious artifacts. Even if you are told that if they are blown up that all hope will die.
- 1 min - Obligatory Sacrifice; is that a man or a woman going to be sacrificed?
- 2 mins - It is a woman.
- 3 mins - Jackie speaks gibberish to local African chief.
- 4 mins - The tribe starts chasing Jackie down the hill.
- 5 mins - In a bid to escape, Jackie offers local people BEER. (When was the last time you saw Indiana Jones do that, huh?)
- 7 mins - Jackie flies off in a micro-plane, the local people pray.
- 8 mins - Cheesy 70's pop band called the "Losers" - WTF is this? (I found out from a Hong Kong guy that it is parody of a Chinese band called the "Wynners" with all the original members of the band.)
- 9 mins - Monks in a Paris Fashion show... ...how did they get in?
- 10 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A PARIS FASHION SHOW!
- 11 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A WOMAN'S SHOE!
- 13 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A PHOTOGRAPHER!
- 22 mins - Alan describes the plot of the film in two minutes flat. Wow!
- 24 mins - Wow, lots of dogs. I guess it pays to learn German after all.
- 30 mins - Jackie and Alan get the armour from Count, plus an attractive girl to boot, not a bad day's work
- 35 mins - Car chase throughout the city.
- 44 mins - Jackie and Alan in a Micro-Mitsubishi!
- 45 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A MITSUBISHI BY TWO OTHER, LARGER MITSUBISHI'S!
- 50 mins - Laura gets all horny on Jackie, Jackie has none of it.
- 60 mins - Laura stabs Alan with serum and steals the armour.
- 69 mins - Jackie says "I can only take two on at a time."
- 70 mins - He lied.
- 75 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST THE EVIL MONKS IN A MEDIEVAL DINING ROOM!
- 80 mins - Jackie fights four Amazon women
- 85 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST AN AMAZON WOMAN'S BREASTS!
- 87 mins - Huh? Where did all that dynamite come from? And how did it stay in place after he got beaten up so much?
- 88 mins - Jackie tests the faith of the cult leader with dynamite
- 89 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST THE ENTIRE BUILDING!
- 90 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST RELIGIOUS ITEMS!
- 92 mins - Jackie skydives to a conveniently placed, balloon. Huh? How did that tree grow in midair?
- 93-96 mins - OBLIGATORY JACKIE CHAN END CREDITS
- Grand Wizard: "Who gave you the courage to be killed here?"
- Jackie: "I believe in a very powerful religion, I follow my gods words, I always say yes to him, never no..."
- Grand Wizard: "Who is your god, what is your religion?"
Jackie: "I believe in a very powerful religion..." (pops two sweets into his mouth) "...the name of my god is money."
- Alan (to Count): "I swear to bring them back (hears blaring noise outside, to Jackie) What's that?"
Jackie: "Well that ain't no ice cream van."
- Jackie (after knocking on May's door): "I'm helping two people make love."
Jackie: "Not with you..."
- Grand Wizard: "Are you Asian Hawk?"
Grand Wizard: "But this is Europe."
Jackie: "I go wherever the money is."
Grand Wizard: "After a piece of the armour?"
Jackie: "Not one piece, the whole set if you don't mind..."
- Jackie (after beating the four amazon women): "If you don't mind, I'll take those..."
| ||Audio clips in wav format||SOUNDS||Starving actors speak out|| |
||Cultist: "Well, if Jackie brings us the sword in exchange for the girl then we'll really have what we wanted. We will then possess all five pieces." |
Grand Wizard: "Kidnap this girl immediately!"
||Jackie: "How the hell can I help you? You've come to the wrong person!" |
Alan: "Not when I tell you what they're after. They want the Armour of God!"
Jackie: "Armour of God?"
Alan: "Yes and if they don't get it they've threatened to kill Laura!"
||Cultist: "Who sent you here? Tell me!" |
May: "I don't know what you're talking about! Come on back to bed..."
Cultist: "You wanted to hit me with that bottle. Who the hell are you anyway?"
||Jackie: "You don't really think I'm going to leave without the Armour of God do you?" |
Grand Wizard: "I don't really think you'll be leaving at all."
||Grand Wizard: "Always thinking of the ladies, but don't let their looks deceive you. They are merciless killing machines! You'll surely die."
| ||Click for a larger image||IMAGES||Scenes from the movie|| |
| ||Watch a scene||VIDEO||MPEG video files|| |
|Here Jackie is discovered trying to steal the sword. He quickly changes into "Fight & Flight" mode as the unhappy tribesmen come running.
| ||Leave a comment||EXTRAS||Buy the movie|| |