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Rated R
Copyright 1988 Canadian Entertainment Investors
Reviewed by Demian, Denyse Mercer, and Jode Carrasco
(thanks to Bill Hiers for the image captures) on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Neil - A heroic scientist who grows flowers and has a trained rat.
  • Alex - Neil's girlfriend. She is jealous of the rat.
  • Josh - Neil's assistant. He dies while smoking. Of course, his neck was ripped up at the time.
  • Edmund - A wonderfully maniacal scientist. He's bent on finding a cure for baldness. Sadly, he turns into a puddle of dog cancer.
  • Edmund's Assistant - A balding youth. Despite a noble attempt to fend off a giant rat with a copy of George Orwell's Animal Farm, he gets chewed to death.
  • Bobby - A psychotic, giant, obscenity-spouting rich kid.
  • Dr. Kate Travis - A stupid doctor who accidentally made Bobby psychotic, giant, and obscenity-spouting, but not rich. She looks like a reject from Planet of the Apes. Bobby snaps her neck like a twig.
  • Mark - An animal rights activist who likes to smash things. He gets his eyeball gnawed (along with half his face).
  • Al and Angie - Mark's friends. They go into the sewers to battle rats. Al has a big net. Angie has a tennis racket. The rats have *foot-long blood dripping fangs*. The rats win.
  • The Exterminator - Easily the coolest guy in this film. He battles rats with a modified flamethrower.
  • His Partner - Some guy who gets torsofied by rats. ("Look daddy, I'm a torso!")
  • The Dean - Asshole. He gets knocked off a high diving board by a rat after throwing an innocent woman at it.
  • Zeke the Janitor - An odd little fellow with a speedy go cart. He gets his back gnawed out.
  • Maria? - Some girl who, for unknown reasons, lusts after Neil. Bad things happen when she gets involved in sexual situations.
  • Carlos - An innocent fellow who gets involved in a sexual situation with Maria. 'Nuff said. Well, no actually... ...y'see... ...well, it involves... ...oh, just see the movie.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

Neil, in an attempt to cure the growth difficulties of giant child Bobby, accidentally aids in the creation of a legion of giant man-eating rats. The rats get loose, and many people are gnawed hideously. Of course, these situations can never be simple; Neil's efforts to stop the rats are hindered by the evil machinations of Edmund, who wants the growth serum to use as a potential baldness cure, and the corrupt college dean determined that the new swimming pool open no matter what. Eventually, the rats are stopped, but then Bobby gets loose, and... ...the movie ends. Go figure. Maybe they ran out of money or something.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Giant rats can fly.
  • Exterminators take their work *very* seriously.
  • Never mix growth serum with dog cancer cells or sex.
  • Sex in public places is dangerous, especially when giant rats are on the loose.
  • Little kids are nasty when they're big.
  • When you need to hide cages full of rats, giant tomatoes are a logical, if unwise, choice.
  • Members of hysterical mobs have really lousy aim and an infinite supply of bullets.
  • Giant rats respond favorably to electric guitar renditions of "Three Blind Mice."

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 10 mins - You, umm, missed a few flyers.
  • 13 mins - Research, MTV style!
  • 24 mins - It's the corpse cam!
  • 26 mins - EXTERMINATOR! Woohoo!
  • 29 mins - A... ...big... ...butterfly net!?
  • 40 mins - There's a ladder RIGHT NEXT TO YOU!
  • 47 mins - I'm not even sure what to say about this.
  • 49 mins - That cart can go pretty damn fast. I want one.
  • 56 mins - Strategically placed tomato plant.
  • 63 mins - Why are they playing happy music here?

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

Green Music Note gnaw1.wav The exterminator laments American apathy.
Green Music Note gnaw2.wav He's got it.
Green Music Note gnaw3.wav The phrase "Buttmunch" gains all new meaning.
Green Music Note gnaw4.wav Famous last words.

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 



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