|MUTANT, AKA FORBIDDEN WORLD
|Copyright 1982 New World Pictures
| Reviewed by Max Gardner
on 30 December 2001
- Mike Colby - I don't know what the hell this guy does for a living. He's sent by parties unknown to help Hauser with his mutant problem.
- Gordon Hauser - Head of research on Planet Xarbia.
- Barbara Glaser - Hauser's assistant and Colby's prime source of carnal amusement.
- Tracy Baxter - A silly, stupid ho if ever I've seen one. Her entire purpose in the lab is to run around screaming in a bathrobe.
- Cal Timbergen - "Chief of Bacteriology" at Hauser's lab.
- SAM-104 - Colby's robot sidekick. You can't understand a word he says.
- Jimmy Swift - Square-jawed idiot kept around as mutant food.
- Earl Richards - Escapee from some far-future trailer park. I assume the mutant does something horrible to him - the scene was too dark to see anything.
- Brian Beales - All right, he's a black guy in a bad sci-fi movie. I think I know what happens to him.
- Subject 20 - A "metamorph" created by Hauser and his crew.
|Not to be confused with the toxic-waste-vampire movie of the same name, Mutant is a vaguely entertaining Alien rip-off from the horrible cesspool we call the early 80's. I found this in my college library's dubious video selection along with Sizzle Beach USA. While there are no midget pimps in Mutant, the film does include random classical music, epileptic flashbacks, and repeated use of the word "dingwhopper," as well as the most novel way of disposing of an alien nemesis I've seen in quite a while.
The film opens with our hero, Mike Colby, flying around in space with his robot companion, SAM. That's not an abbreviation, or if it is, they don't tell you what it stands for. SAM says things like "force field" and "Alpha-Zero-Four." Beyond that he's completely unintelligible. Colby is sent to help out a crew of scientists and rednecks at a genetic engineering lab on Planet Xarbia. Once Colby and SAM arrive, Hauser explains his dilemma: Subject 20, a genetic crossbreed he created to solve the galaxy's food shortage (we don't really know how, but what the hell?) has escaped and is rapidly evolving. Hauser doesn't want to kill the thing, so he leaves Jimmy in charge of watching the cocoon its spun for itself in the lab's incubator. About five seconds after they leave him alone, Subject 20 leaps onto Jimmy's face and sucks out his brain, then escapes into the ventilation system..
About half an hour and several deaths later, the mutant - now rather large - sets up shop in the lab's control room. Barbara and Tracy try to communicate with it, resulting in a woman with a tentacle sticking out of her back. Scratch that plan.
Eventually Cal comes up with the bright idea to extract his own cancer-riddled liver and feed it to the creature. Cal dies on the operating table and SAM is ripped in half, leaving Colby and the useless Tracy to deal with the beast. The scene is dark and badly shot, but I assume Colby gets Subject 20 to eat Cal's liver, because it starts vomiting and then dies. A seizure-inducing recap of the last seventy-odd minutes ensues. The end. Director Allan Holzman has moved on to direct "Grunt! The Wrestling Movie," "Programmed to Kill," and "Survivors of the Holocaust."
|Things I Learned From This Movie:|| |
- Classical music does little to make an otherwise dull space battle more exciting.
- Nothing says "space lab" like a pile of dead dogs.
- When hunting a mutant, never go into the inexplicably filthy, run-down wing of the lab.
- Showers in the future use microwaves instead of water, but you still have to be naked and wear a bathrobe afterwards.
- 9 mins - "Produced by Roger Corman." That explains it.
- 16 mins - Dead dog disposal. Lovely.
- 27 mins - No way that's a hand moving around under that sheet.
- 30 mins - Didn't waste any time jumping Colby's bones, did she?
- 31 mins - The future of porn groove.
- 39 mins - Ha ha! What the hell is Tracy wearing?
- 53 mins - You might want to clean up those piles of flesh.
- 71 mins - Feeding the mutant your own cancerous liver to kill it? That's new.
- 73 mins - Will the people in this movie stop f**king screaming already?
- 77 mins - Just wrap Cal's liver in cheese or something, that works with dogs.
- Glaser: "Annie used to work with me, she used to..."
Hauser: "Shut up, shut up damn you, shut up!"
- Colby: "Then Subject 20 is the result of a genetic splicing between a Proto B bacteria and another organism."
Colby: "What is the other organism?"
- Richards: "This is it, you god damned dingwhopper."
| ||Audio clips in wav format||SOUNDS||Starving actors speak out|| |
||Sam: "They've had an accident in a high security lab there. Federation requested you especially."
||Colby: "Well, okay, let's get going." |
Gordon: "I sure hope you know what you're doing."
Colby: "I don't have the slightest idea! I go on hunches. Let's go bag ourselves a dingwhopper."
||Barbara: "Have you thought about trying to communicate with it?" |
Colby: "That's about the stupidest damn idea I've heard all day."
||Colby: "What in the hell were you trying to do?" |
Cal: "I have cancer Mike. And my cancer could kill the mutant!"
| ||Click for a larger image||IMAGES||Scenes from the movie|| |
| ||Watch a scene||VIDEO||MPEG video files|| |
|For some strange reason the monster decided to spare Dr. Hauser, but the idiot was obviously trying to get killed. Honestly, peering down the dark shaft that he knows the monster is in. Of all the stupid...
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