BATMAN & ROBIN
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| Rated PG-13
| | Copyright 1997 Warner Brothers.
| | Reviewed by Rob
on 14 February 2001
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- Batman - George Clooney! Alias Bruce Wayne, Batman is the chief superhero of this pathetic tribute to the Dark Knight. Played by Clooney, Wayne seems to have a strange genetic disorder which causes his head to sway back and forth every time he says something.
- Robin - Chris O'Donnell! Alias Dick Grayson, Dick becomes a dick to Batman when he is seduced by Poison Ivy.
- Mr. Freeze - Arnold Schwarzenegger! Alias Victor Fries, Arnold rips his name off a popular frozen desert following a freak accident which allows him to only survive within a subzero environment. He needs diamonds to maintain the power of his RoboCop suit.
- Poison Ivy - Uma Thurman! Alias Pamela Isley, she becomes Poison Ivy following a freak accident with plant toxins. One kiss from her is literally the kiss of death. Ivy goes to extremes with her "save the rain forests" tactics, trying to create hybrids between plants and animals. Her acting is incredibly bad in this film - I can't believe this is the same girl from "Pulp Fiction."
- Batgirl - Alicia Silverstone! Alias Barbara Gordon, she's the niece of Alfred Pennyworth (although I'm pretty sure that in the comics she's the daughter of Commissioner Gordon). Well, needless to say, she's still clueless and trying to pass the role off as a decent actress.
- Bane - A convicted serial killer who is muscularly enhanced by some form of mutated steroids, Bane is truly all muscle and no brain, able to use simple words to express his agreement. He's a henchman to Poison Ivy.
- Alfred Pennyworth - Michael Gough! Bruce Wayne's butler since childhood, he's unfortunately contracted a case of MacGregor's Syndrome.
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In 1995, Joel Schumacher directed "Batman Forever," an action-packed movie which had surprisingly good drama to go with it. Years later, he produces this piece of guano which only seems to serve to insult everyone's intelligence.
Following the defeat of both Two-Face and the Riddler, Batman and Robin go out to face a new threat to Gotham City, Mr. Freeze. Freeze escapes, after which Pamela Isley becomes Poison Ivy in a South American rain forest. Traveling back to Gotham with Bane, her new favorite beefcake bodyguard, she teams up with Freeze to wreak some havoc.
In the meantime, Alfred's niece Barbara comes to Gotham to visit, where she eventually becomes Batgirl. Mr. Freeze's life of crime is a vehicle to fund research to find a cure for MacGregor's Syndrome which has befallen his wife, who has been cryogenically frozen until a cure can be found. Following Freeze's capture, he is set free by Poison Ivy and Bane. Later, Poison Ivy attempts to kill Freeze's wife, and blames the murder on Batman. Out of revenge, Mr. Freeze plans to freeze all of Gotham in ice, while Poison Ivy seeks to populate it with plant-animal hybrids she's created.
Great plot, isn't it? Needless to say, Batman, Robin, and Batgirl foil the attempt. Mr. Freeze becomes reformed after learning that his wife is still alive, and gives a cure to Batman for Alfred, who's "only in the less-advanced stages of MacGregor's Syndrome."
I can't believe I actually spent money on this movie when it came out in theaters. |
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| Things I Learned From This Movie: | |
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- Superheroes and supervillains make cartoon noises when they fight each other.
- Getting frozen sucks.
- Superweapons which freeze everything they are fired at are very adhesive and will stick to anything.
- Prep school girls like to go out late at night and race motorcycles against gang-bangers to win cash.
- Titanium-reinforced door + 10,000 ft. = Sky-surfing!
- Supervillains like watching Claymation Christmas specials.
- Never kiss a girl who is dressed like Robin Goodfellow and has hair which makes her look like Princess Leia on crack.
- Cryogenically-frozen people like to wear jewelry.
- Limo drivers are often seen wearing wrestler masks.
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- 5 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A BRONTOSAUR MODEL!
- 10 mins - Sky-surfin' USA!
- 20 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST AN ENVIRONMENTAL ACTIVIST!
- 25 mins - Now why couldn't Uma Thurman wear that outfit throughout the entire movie?
- 35 mins - This thing Robin has over Poison Ivy is getting really annoying.
- 40 mins - Uh-oh! Nora Fries is all out of bubbles!
- 45 mins - That snake-plant-thing looks really fake.
- 60 mins - Batgirl has some nice bat-buns.
- 70 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST POISON IVY!
- 20 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A SUPER-TELESCOPE!
- 90 mins - Oh, dramatic effect! Here dramatic effect! Where are you?
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- Robin: "I mean that's your idea of friendship, isn't it Bruce? It's your house, your rules...I mean, it's your way or the highway! It's 'Batman & Robin,' not 'Robin & Batman' and I'm sick of it!"
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| | Audio clips in wav format | SOUNDS | Starving actors speak out | |
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| File | Dialog |  | batmanrobin1.wav
| Robin: "I want a car. Chicks dig the car!"
Batman: "This is why Superman works alone."
| | batmanrobin2.wav
| Freeze: "Mercy? I'm afraid that my condition has left me cold to your pleas of mercy."
| | batmanrobin3.wav
| Pamela Isley and Bruce Wayne having a conversation about mad scientists.
| | batmanrobin4.wav
| Poison Ivy: "There's something about an anatomically correct rubber suit that puts fire in a girl's lips."
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| | Click for a larger image | IMAGES | Scenes from the movie | |
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| | Watch a scene | VIDEO | MPEG video files | |
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 | batmanrobin1.mpg
- 2.8m
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| Mr. Freeze is putting a hurting on Dunkin Donuts' profit margin until Batman arrives. You have to wonder, would Arnold honestly look that frightened - even if he did know it was Batman?
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| | Leave a comment | EXTRAS | Buy the movie | |
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