WATCHERS
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| Rated R
| | Copyright 1983 Canadian Entertainment Investors #2.
| | Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'
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- Travis - Corey Haim! Voted "Canadian kid with the biggest hair."
- Furface - Genetically engineered golden retriever with super intelligence.
- Agent Johnson - Michael Ironsides! Highly trained government agent tasked with capturing Furface and the OXCOM.
- Nora - Travis' mom and um... ...nevermind, leave it at that.
- Sheriff Gaines - Barely literate law enforcement, killed by Johnson for nearly learning the truth.
- Deputy Porter - Manly woman who believes in Sasquatch, mutilated by the OXCOM.
- Hockney - Local handyman who takes care of Nora's appliances, he'd like to service a whole lot more. Unfortunately you can't kiss a girl after something rips your head off.
- Cliff - The other government agent, develops a bad case of morals and Johnson shoots him for it.
- OXCOM - Genetic freak created by the government, it appears to be a very large and hateful orangutan.
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Corey Haim, a dog, Dean Koontz, Michael Ironsides, and a really mean orangutan come bounding out of Canada in this horrid little piece. One of these days we're going to get tired of your shit Canucks, then it's all over... ...anyway, the film isn't THAT bad actually.
Somewhere a secret government project is underway; a genetic experiment to create the ultimate warriors. Using special dogs as homing beacons, the OXCOMs will kill every human around the pooch. It's the old, "Hi how're you doing, I'm a dog, feed me, pet me, say hello to death in a monkey suit." trick, too bad it wouldn't work in Vietnam. One little problem, the OXCOMs hate the canines for some reason - killing the dogs whenever possible. (Oops!)
The lab is sabotaged by some other government and only two of the experimental animals survive, Furface and OXCOM 7. So all the sudden Corey Haim has a golden retriever in the back of his pickup. He takes the animal home and makes love to it. Okay, okay, that didn't happen, but you still have to admit he shouldn't have been in bed with it like that.
Along with the OXCOM killing people at random there are other problems: agent Johnson and the government. Faced with impossible odds the young man takes the only avenue of escape open: flee to a wilderness cabin and bust out some serious A-Team stuff. (His dad was in the Special Forces.) Molotov cocktails, motion sensors, a bayonet strapped to his ankle, and this crazy fragmentation device are only a few of the treats. Against his animal cunning the ultimate biological weapon and trained government killers are no match. Corey saves mom, his girlfriend, and the dog.
How was the monster supposed to defeat armies when one kid with a lever action rifle does the trick? Well, it does nearly kill the inexperienced lad by using an extremely convincing "I'm dead now, turn your back." act. |
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| Things I Learned From This Movie: | |
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- Dogs are naturally fire resistant.
- Genetically engineered monsters have deviated septums.
- Dogs love trucks! (Hehehe!)
- VHS tapes are highly flammable.
- Dogs can't type.
- Gorilla monsters hate bicycles.
- Deputies are excellent conductors of electricity.
- Golden Retrievers don't bounce.
- During the sexual discovery years of puberty a boy shouldn't be sleeping naked with a dog.
- Corey Haim is MacGuyver's illegitimate son.
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- 2 mins - Based on a novel and produced by Roger Corman, this is going to be loads of fun.
- 3 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A MODEL BUILDING!
- 29 mins - A dog IQ test?
- 30 mins - Those are brand new boots the nasty backwoods guy is wearing.
- 46 mins - What, does this thing hate teddy bears too? What if we didn't read the book, could you explain that plot point? Helloooooo?
- 50 mins - Stop running and shoot the darn thing.
- 65 mins - Dude is a freak!
- 81 mins - Goodbye Cliff.
- 82 mins - Of all the stupid plot points...
- 83 mins - Quite a manly scream there Corey.
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| | Audio clips in wav format | SOUNDS | Starving actors speak out | |
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| File | Dialog |  | watchers1.wav
| Agent Johnson: "Remember I told you there were three biological experiments at (unintelligible): the OXCOM, the dog, and their best animal...it's me, Cliff. I'm their third experiment!"
| | watchers2.wav
| Gaines: "Porter when you gonna grow up? There ain't no Tooth Fairy, there ain't no Santa Claus, and there ain't no Sasquatch."
Porter: "Well why would a Grizzly rip a man's eyes out?"
| | watchers3.wav
| Travis: "Now I got big problems. I mean stuff that dogs don't understand."
| | watchers4.wav
| Gaines: "Well why doesn't somebody reason with it? Can't you control it? It's gotta be stopped."
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| | Click for a larger image | IMAGES | Scenes from the movie | |
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| | Watch a scene | VIDEO | MPEG video files | |
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| | Leave a comment | EXTRAS | Buy the movie | |
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