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UNCLE SAM - 1 Slime
Rated R
Copyright 1996 Gable Productions
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Jody - Freaked out kid, wants to be just like his uncle Sam.
  • Jed - Isaac Hayes! (Chef from Southpark you nut.) Korean War veteran with a wooden leg.
  • Sally - Jody's mother and Sam's sister, at least she does seem to realize her kid is a freak.
  • Louise - Sam's widow who is now dating a local sheriff. I think she's a submissive...
  • Mr. Crandell - Teacher who protested the Vietnam War, gets a hatchet to the forehead.
  • Ralph - Sally's boyfriend who cheats on his taxes and is an all around putz, shot in the head.
  • Phil - Town sheriff and Louise's new boyfriend, has a flagpole shoved through his chest.
  • Jesse, Rick, and Clete - Three antisocial kids, in order they are: beheaded, buried in a grave, and run up a flagpole.
  • Uncle Sam - Army Master Sergeant Sam Harper, killed in the Gulf War, who has returned to wreak havoc on the living.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

From Hollywood comes a patriotic movie idolizing artificial legs, burned corpses, and CRAP. Don't you screenwriters have anything better to do? Churn out the third through ninth sequels to "Terms of Endearment" or something, though you might be able to get away with shoving this in as the seventh.

What it boils down to is this sadistic Army helicopter gunner named Sam Harper was shot down by friendly fire during the Gulf War. Five years later his widow, sister, and nephew are doing fine (okay, maybe Jody wasn't doing fine, that kid is definitely headed for a killing spree then the gas chamber - freak), until the sealed casket shows up with Sam's crispy body in it. Soon the charred demon rises from the dead and begins killing everyone who doesn't give Uncle Sam his proper due. Lucky for everybody that Jed is still around, the old war veteran knows he has to save the children. (Anybody get it?)

Despite some badly contrived "patriotic" ways to kill people (detonated with fireworks, hung from a flagpole, that kind of stuff) the movie's one redeeming factor is a sack race. These people start hopping through the woods, it's a darn long sack race, and Jesse... ...the angry teenager starts attacking the other racers. Hop, hop, hop - SMASH! - hop, hop - KICK - then for no apparent reason he falls down a hill, I laughed. Don't let me get your hopes up though, that is about five minutes out of a ninety minute movie.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Identifying a five year old burned corpse is no fun.
  • Don't hand a woman her dead husband's melted dog tags.
  • Kids carry around ammo cans all the time, even to school.
  • Nothing kills the romantic mood like a coffin in your dining room.
  • Nice people don't hide veteran's artificial legs.
  • Stilts are pretty handy for peeping toms.
  • Getting spray painted sucks.
  • Every school has a hatchet or two hanging around.
  • Never let an antisocial teenager sing the National Anthem.
  • Unamplified country music can muffle a gunshot.
  • Replica cannons are fully functional and deadly accurate.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 12 mins - Wait a minute, that corpse just killed two people then made a horrible pun.
  • 23 mins - Kid, you are one twisted little pup...
  • 27 mins - Acting!
  • 39 mins - Jed isn't talking about his testicle is he? (You'll have to watch the scene.)
  • 41 mins - There is no way Jed fought in World War II.
  • 58 mins - This just hit me, it's the Fourth of July and school is still in?
  • 69 mins - A cross-country sack rack?

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

Green Music Note unclesam1.wav Sally: "Jody stay away from the coffin, it's not something to play with."
Green Music Note unclesam2.wav Ralph: "We can't all be war heroes Jed."
Green Music Note unclesam3.wav Jed: "I suppose you found it quite amusing when that boy went up there and made mockery of the National Anthem. You're kind of humor."
Green Music Note unclesam4.wav Jody: "My Uncle Sam? But he's dead?"
Kid: "I never said he wasn't."

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 


 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipunclesam1.mpg - 2.4m
This must be the longest and most violent sack race in the history of the world. It is the movie's saving grace.

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