|Copyright 1987 Lightning Pictures
| Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'
- Fred - Our hero, the unwashed bum.
- Kevin - Fred's younger brother, he's learning the ancient family secret of hobo.
- Wendy - Weird girl who works at the junkyard, she wants to make it a better place to live.
- Burt - Seasoned bum, pretty amusing for a guy with raw chicken in his drawers.
- Bill - Cop. Very large, very mean, and very dead after Bronson finishes with him.
- Wizzie - Evil little bastard who works for Bronson, dissolves.
- Mr. Schnizer - He owns the junkyard, he's also shaped like a bell. Ends up with VD.
- Mr. Duran and the Doorboy - Nightclub owner and mobster, you'll also recognize his hateful assistant as Jeffrey from Frankenhooker. Mr. Mob turns into Mr. Blob after a sip of Viper.
- Ed - Liquor store owner who finds the case of toxic booze, finally tries some and regrets it.
- Paulie and the fat garage worker - Both drink Viper, the latter blows up reeaaaalll good.
- Sarah - Bronson's choice female companion, ugh. Tastes the whiskey, turns into slut stew.
- Bronson - Wigged out Vietnam vet who rules over the salvage yard with an iron fist, he also carries a knife made from a human femur. Decapitated by a flying canister of CO2.
|Sometimes amusing things come in deceptive packages, like this little gem. Who would honestly think a movie about bums drinking contaminated booze and then melting or exploding would be fun? (Besides all you New Jersey people.) Quite a bit of the film actually runs like "As the World Turns Homeless" though, mainly following the adventures of Freddy. He's the good bum, along with Kevin and Burt they are just looking to get by. Bronson is the violent (expletive deleted) causing amazing amounts of hate and discontent. Case in point, one of the bums starts urinating somewhere he probably shouldn't, but it's a junkyard for goodness sake, who cares? Bronson grabs the poor guy's jimmy and lops it off with his knife, then all the freaks start playing hot potato with it. I'll get back to our main attraction, dissolving people! Seems that Ed finds a case of cheap whiskey called Viper in the liquor store basement so he puts it on sale. Drinking cheap booze is never easy on your system, but it usually doesn't turn one's body into goo. Bill, big angry copy that he is, can't figure it out either. Hmmm, let's see - melted body and bottle of Viper, another puddle of slime that was a person with an empty bottle nearby - hmmmmm... ...anyway, maybe Bill just didn't have time to put it all together before Bronson kills him. Of course he was already tired from killing the hitman Mr. Duran sent to ice Fred, why is another story. (I told you it was a homeless soap opera.) There is a bit of gratuitous nudity, unfortunately it either involves Wendy (Who I didn't find very attractive.) or the drunk girl who just finished throwing up. (Oh mama wouldn't I like to get some of that...) The movie doesn't really end, it just sort of stops all the sudden. I'm guessing they were running out of characters to melt.
|Things I Learned From This Movie:|| |
- Windshield washers travel in packs.
- Sixty year old rotgut is lethal.
- Fire escapes are condominiums for homeless people.
- Watching two grimy people making out is rather nasty.
- Coroners like to make sculptures out of desiccated bodies.
- Nobody wants to kiss the girl who has been vomiting, having sex with her is another matter though.
- It's very wrong to play "Eunuch in the Middle" with a man's severed penis.
- Cops throw up on people they don't like.
- Sometimes fat guys explode.
- 2 mins - That car didn't have a driver, oh here he is, in the next shot...
- 3 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
- 6 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A NERD!
- 21 mins - What the heck was all that about?
- 27 mins - Whoa! The "C" word and it's not "cat."
- 32 mins - I think you need to go look up the word discrimination Burt, but you're darn convincing for a man with poultry filling his loins.
- 46 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
- 56 mins - There's a lot of love in this room...
- 58 mins - Now that's a suit.
- 79 mins - Is Wendy taking off her...
- 79 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
| ||Audio clips in wav format||SOUNDS||Starving actors speak out|| |
||Fred: "I dunno how I managed to look comfortable. F***ing Wizzie planted his foot halfway up my ass." |
Burt: "Aw, he was just planting corn. You get it? Corn!"
||Store Clerk: "I'd like to know what you're doing with all that chicken in your pants..."
||Doorboy: "I should have known better than to get involved with Italians. Everybody's a hot headed gangster. Everybody's Mr. Mafia."
||Wendy: (Giggling.) "I remember one, we went to Cony Island and I had a runny nose and someone hit me so hard in the bumper cars that I swallowed all my snot. Bang!" (Snort, giggles.)
| ||Click for a larger image||IMAGES||Scenes from the movie|| |
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