PIRANHA
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| Rated R
| | Copyright 1978 New World Video
| | Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'
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- Paul Grogen - Grumpy alcoholic.
- Maggie - She specializes in missing persons and floods it seems, who taught her how to wear jeans?
- Jack - Old backwoods guy (Yes, he's a drunk...) who enjoys telling stories to his dog. Dies after his legs are chewed off.
- Susie Grogen - Paul's daughter, she's afraid of the water for some reason.
- Dr. Robert Hoak - Kevin McCarthy! Government scientist who continued the "Razorteeth" project after higher authority pulled the plug. Fish food.
- Col Flaxman and Dr. Mengers - Two people associated with the "Razorteeth" project who want it covered up. The Col ends up as chum.
- Mr. Gardner - Dick Miller! Greedy resort owner, he didn't believe in the Piranha until they started eating his guests.
- Betsy - Camp Counselor and all around nice girl. Fish food.
- A horde of kids swimming and resort guests - Fish food.
- The Piranha - Genetically engineered to win the war in Vietnam. (Hehehe!) The toothy little buggers can adapt to salt water, colder temperatures, and are always hungry.
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It all begins with two young lovers breaking into an old army test site to go skinny dipping, when will these kids ever learn? Roger Corman pays you a few hundred dollars to act in his movie and what do you think is going to happen?
A. You're going to get naked.
B. You're going to rewrite Romeo and Juliet with a happy ending, launching your budding film careers.
C. You're going to get chomped.
D. Both A and C.
During the Vietnam war our government funded the "Razorteeth" project, intending to create a species of super Piranha. Armed with the mean little bastards we could have infected North Vietnam's waterways and won the war! Fortunately for commies everywhere the project was scrapped, Dr. Hoak watched as the experiment breeding pool was poisoned and his funding cut off. Some of the Razorteeth survived though and for years Hoak has continued dabbling in evolution, we even see a minuscule fish-man hiding behind equipment in the lab. The only problem is that Maggie and Paul come along, after finding evidence two missing teenagers were at the facility they drain the tank and it's contents into the local waterway. Then our heroes must race to stop the Piranha from reaching the ocean, trying to convince police and resort owners along the way. Don't you worry though, plenty of extras still get munched, including a summer camp full of kids. My personal complaint about "Piranha" is fairly shallow, we never get a good look at any of the Razorteeth. There are blurry outlines swimming past the camera, which I suspect were filmed in a backlit aquarium, and glimpses of something vaguely fish shaped gnawing off kid's toes and fingers. (Hehe!) No clear view of the fish though... ...pity. Our saving grace here is dialog, the movie has some darn amusing lines in it.
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| Things I Learned From This Movie: | |
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- Hardware stores don't carry, "Beware: Piranha!" signs.
- Video games really have come a long way.
- "The clothes make the man." does not apply to plaid.
- Women find antisocial, alcoholic, divorced men irresistible.
- Chubby guys shouldn't wear tight shirts.
- Government scientists wear dog tags.
- Dashboard lights are exceptionally bright.
- Inner tubes are not recommended for piranha infested waters.
- Piranha can eat ten times their own body weight.
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- 4 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
- 10 mins - Who in the heck dressed you this morning pal?
- 17 mins - What in the HELL is that stop motion thing, some sort of midget man-fish?
- 34 mins - Guy with his arm in the water, oh no!
- 49 mins - She is about the worst... ...oh hey, breasts.
- 53 mins - Hehe! That guy is watching The Monster that Challenged the World.
- 56 mins - Finally, the flood that Maggie has been waiting for.
- 65 mins - Dude, serious kid chomping scene!
- 76 mins - What the heck is going on? Why did that boat explode?
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- Paul: "You cool your jets, lady. I didn't ax murder your young couple. I can't help ya, I haven't seen 'em."
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| | Audio clips in wav format | SOUNDS | Starving actors speak out | |
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| File | Dialog |  | piranha1.wav
| Camp Guy: "People eat fish, Grogen. Fish don't eat people."
| | piranha2.wav
| Maggie: "What's wrong with the water?"
Dr. Hoak: "The water is filled with carnivorous fish...piranha."
| | piranha3.wav
| The sound of fish feeding.
| | piranha4.wav
| Reporter: "Terror, horror, death...film at eleven."
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| | Click for a larger image | IMAGES | Scenes from the movie | |
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| | Watch a scene | VIDEO | MPEG video files | |
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 | piranha1.mpg
- 2.0m
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| The killer piranha even the score for all those fish sticks served at summer camp.
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| | Leave a comment | EXTRAS | Buy the movie | |
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