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ORGAZMO - 3 Slimes
Unrated (There is an NC-17 version.)
Copyright 1997 Avenging Conscience, Kuzui Enterprises, and MDP Worldwide
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Joe Young - Trey Parker! Idealistic and devout Mormon lad who becomes the super hero Orgazmo, able to use his "Orgazmirator" to um, stun opponents.
  • Lisa - Joe's fiancee, try imagining a Mormon valley girl. Gads.
  • Ben - Genius inventor who likes working in porn, he is Choda Boy, the faithful sidekick.
  • Dave - Matt Stone! Weird guy who works for Orbison, he seems to have some pent up feelings for other men.
  • G-Fresh - Sushi bar owner who is down with all dat.
  • Clark - Ron Jeremy! (As if a porn film wouldn't include him.) One of Orbison's hired goons, he is the villain Jizz Master Zero.
  • Saffi, Candi, Georgi, Nasuko, Haruko, and T-Rex - Female porn stars, Chaisey Lain and Julie Ashton are among them.
  • The Doctor - Just a quick cameo by Lloyd Kaufman.
  • A-Cup - Orbison's nephew and a royal prick, plays the ultimate rival Neutered Man.
  • Maxxx Orbison - Mean bastard who produces porn movies and uses people, ends up with his testicles amputated after having too many orgasms. (Oh boy is that a long story.)

Buy It!

The Plot: 

Not everyone is going to get this movie quite like males in my general age bracket, say twenties to early thirties.

First of all it deals with porn films, some of the ahm, "in" jokes there are going to be lost on anyone not familiar with the genre. Secondly it involves an otherwise naive Mormon lad running around with a weapon attached to his arm that causes people to have orgasms. Not a devastating ray, but quite enough to distract someone he is fighting.

Elder Young managed to draw Los Angeles for his mission work, (this involves wandering house to house and annoying people with the idea their present religion isn't good enough) at the end of a thankless day he knocks on Maxxx Orbison's door and runs smack into destiny. (No, that's not a female porn star.)

The slut king was dying to find a tough guy for the leading role in his new film, watching Joe defeat a horde of goons convinces the producer that he has found the man to be Orgazmo. Lisa wants a wedding in the Salt Lake City Temple and Orbison's generous offer of twenty-thousand dollars is too good to be true, especially when told a stunt cock will be used for the sex scenes. (Down deep he's actually a real innocent.)

The movie ends up being a huge success, breaking all sorts of box office records and putting Joe into the adult film spotlight. Just about now Lisa shows up and finds out everything, but before she can haul her little pookie back to Utah the goons kidnap her. Armed with Ben's numerous phallic gadgets the pair are out to save the day.

The last five minutes break down a bit and seemed out of place, but everything preceding was well worth it. Last words my friends, this movie is a riot!

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Being a Mormon in Los Angeles is pretty tough.
  • Women with silicon breasts make "sprong" sounds.
  • It's difficult to take some guy seriously when he has a phallus strapped to his head.
  • Evil porn stars have sidekicks who wear whitie tighties and black masks.
  • Older women have it tough in the porn business.
  • You don't want to have sex with some woman named T-Rex.
  • If I ever turn to a life of crime please don't let some guy beat me up with a dildo.
  • Asian men are almost invulnerable.
  • It's also difficult to take some guy seriously when a dog is humping his leg.
  • Ron Jeremy is made out of porcelain.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 10 mins - What did grandma just say?
  • 12 mins - Naked man's ass, ahhhhhhh!
  • 19 mins - Dude, he's offering you a heap of money to have sex with busty women.
  • 36 mins - "Hamster Style" kung fu?
  • 39 mins - I think a weapon which causes orgasms would be a very bad thing for two guys to have.
  • 46 mins - Nude mariachi band, I didn't need that.
  • 63 mins - Ahhhhh! Naked man's ass again!
  • 69 mins - You know, there are some interesting parallels between your situation and Little Big Horn.

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

Green Music Note orgazmo1.wav Joe: "Well what kind of movie is it?"
Maxxx: "It's an action-adventure-porno!"
Green Music Note orgazmo2.wav Lisa: "Jesus and I love you, Joe."
Joe: "Jesus and I love you too, Lisa."
Green Music Note orgazmo3.wav Dave: "Now I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothing, but I'd kinda like to make love to you tonight."
Green Music Note orgazmo4.wav Joe: "I'm not a super hero; I'm a Latter Day Saint!"
Green Music NoteTheme Song Listen to a clip from the soundtrack.

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 


 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Cliporgazmo1.mpg - 3.0m
Joe and Ben decide to take a walk and test out the Orgazmirator. If this thing were ever commercially produced I imagine very little work would get done.

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