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NEW KANSAS - 2 Slimes
Rated R
Copyright 1999 12 Promises Productions.
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Richie - Is he a wise guy? Bum? Stock broker? I am certain he's an alcoholic with an obsession for learning what happened to Joey.
  • Joey - Evidently something happened to him and Richie blames Moe. The amusing part is that Joey spends half the film under our noses and Moe was responsible for his disappearance.
  • Sarah - Richie's love interest. Well, besides booze. One thing is clear, she is sleeping with other men.
  • Moe - At first glance he appears to be a mob boss. I get the idea that Moe is just a guy trying to do his job.
  • Mickey - Close associate of the mobster Moe.
  • Rico - Moe's bodyguard, must have picked him up on sale.
  • Gina - Ex girlfriend of Richie's, turns out to be a mean and heartless bitch. Let me get specific, she turns out to be a very dead, mean, and heartless bitch.
  • Weez - Ratty little guy with a thing for young girls, shot by an overstuffed version of Isaac Hayes.
  • Sammy, Eddie, and Vinnie - Group of guys that help Richie to bring down Moe.

The Plot: 

Well here is an oddity, a film submitted by independents that honestly does not belong on (My gut feeling.) Billed as a "Wizard of Oz" meets the mob sort of project, the main section does concern Richie taking out the local crime lord. He blames Moe for Joey's mysterious disappearance, so with three buddies a settling of scores is executed. (Along with Moe and his guests.) Finding that his wife Sarah had been a pawn of Mickey's ends the dream with an abrupt gunshot. Sorting out reality from fantasy is more difficult than expected, but the ending is what gets you to thinking about how everything fit. After five viewings there are still interesting nuances to catch, quite remarkable for a film that runs under one hour.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Nothing says good morning like hard liquor.
  • If you forget your wife's birthday just give her sex.
  • There is no such thing as the Mafia.
  • Sex puts women to sleep, but has the opposite effect on men.
  • Blondes do not understand gender related pronouns.
  • Watching a tramp put out her cigarette in a plate of messy pasta is unappetizing.
  • Don't get too close to some guy who has a nervous stomach if he just ate a big meal.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 1 min - That cop just threw a cat into the trash! Hehehehehe!
  • 6 mins - Mickey really needs to learn some new lines for picking up women.
  • 7 mins - Darn hippies!
  • 16 mins - He stops in the middle of a hit to give a bum some money?
  • 29 mins - Safety is on. Uh Gina, the safety is on...

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

Green Music Note newkansas1.wav Some girl talking about the Mafia myth.
Green Music Note newkansas2.wav Richie: "I'm not going to hurt you or your daughter. What do you think I am, some kind of nutzo?"
Green Music Note newkansas3.wav Richie: "You! Sit your five hundred pound hail damaged looking ass down!" (What does that mean?)
Green Music Note newkansas4.wav Some Girl: "And Richie..."
Richie: "Yeah?"
Some Girl: "You look like hell."
Richie: "Yeah, well thanks Cinderella."
Green Music NoteTheme Song Listen to a clip from the soundtrack.

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 



 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipnewkansas1.mpg - 2.4m
Gina forgets to check if the safety is on.

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