JACK FROST
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| Rated R
| | Copyright 1996 Frost Bite Films Ltd.
| | Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'
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- Sam - Town Sheriff who brought Jack Frost in the first time.
- Ryan - Sam's darn kid, he cooks way to often for a boy.
- Anne - Sam's wife. Anything else about her? Anyone?
- Agent Manners - FBI with the normal smug personality. I'd like to see him and Moulder argue about killer snowmen for an hour. Dies of "frostbite."
- Stone - Scientist who created the genetic acid which bonded Jack Frost to the snow. Ends up filled with snow.
- Jill and Tommy - Shannon Elizabeth and um, some guy! Two young lovers, and she really needed to get naked. I could sleep at night if she had gotten naked. Anyway, he gets an icicle through the head and she dies from a case of horizontal hypothermia mambo.
- Paul - Old guy who owns the town general store.
- Jake, Sally, and Billy - The rest of Jill's family. Billy's head is removed by a sled, Jake has an axe jammed down his throat, and Sally is strangled with Christmas lights.
- Chris, Joe, and Marla - The rest of the police force. Jack Frost runs over Chris with his own cruiser.
- Jack Frost - Killer who is accidently melted down with a genetic acid. He becomes a deadly snowman! Dissolved in antifreeze.
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| A killer snowman, (I'll let that sink in for a few moments.) created when a serial killer is melted by genetic acid, which combines with snow of course. This is because murderers have only one valence electron (like Hydrogen) and will covalently bond with Oxygen atoms. Okay, so it doesn't work, you explain the damn thing. Jack is pretty annoyed with Sam for capturing him in the first place, getting melted probably didn't help things, so he begins killing off the rednecks, um, townspeople. Scary thing is we are constantly bombarded with AWFUL puns. Hurray for the film's creators, they never attempt to be serious - smart move when you're dealing with killer snowman movies. Poor Sam makes every attempt to stop the murderous snow cone, high powered bullets, blowing up the police station, even using hairdryers. Nothing works, the villian can melt and freeze at will! Finally Ryan's oatmeal proves effective, it's secret ingredient is Antifreeze! I never said Ryan was a very good cook... One of my favorite parts is when Jack strangles Sally with the Christmas lights and smashes her face into a box of ornaments, though Jill undressing to sexy Christmas music worked nicely. All the absurdity you can ask for, Badmovies.org's must see for the Christmas season. |
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| Things I Learned From This Movie: | |
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- Never let your psychopathic brother tell Christmas stories to the kids.
- Death row inmates are driven to the electric chair.
- Snowmen need not be anatomically correct.
- Memo pads should not be used for stuff like "somebody died."
- Sleds are guillotines waiting to happen.
- Backwoods people think Oprah is a philosopher.
- Having your face crushed into a box full of Christmas ornaments sucks.
- Getting clothes off to have sex, during the winter, can take a while.
- Hair dryers are excellent weapons against snowmen.
- Aerosol cans are more destructive than dynamite.
- If you are a killer snowman - AVOID ANTIFREEZE AT ALL COSTS!
- Dunking your kid in engine coolant is okay under certain circumstances.
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- 3 mins - Why are those two sitting so close together? Oh, to be in the same shot.
- 7 mins - Ouch! Doused with genetic acid!
- 13 mins - That looks like crap with marshmallows in it.
- 35 mins - Axe handle crammed down the throat...
- 37 mins - Obviously a doll having it's face stuffed into Christmas ornaments.
- 45 mins - Manners, you are such a dickhead.
- 52 mins - Jill undressing to a sexy version of The Twelve Days of Christmas.
- 59 mins - It appears Jack Frost is humping Jill. Oh heck, where is his carrot nose?
- 79 mins - You put antifreeze in the oatmeal? Are you out of your mind kid? Sam, beat your kid.
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| | Audio clips in wav format | SOUNDS | Starving actors speak out | |
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| File | Dialog |  | jackfrost1.wav
| Uncle Henry telling his niece a Christmas story. (hehehehe!)
| | jackfrost2.wav
| Stone: "It can freeze and unfreeze at will! It melted, came through the doggie door, and refroze on the inside."
| | jackfrost3.wav
| Jack Frost: "Looks like Christmas came a little early this year. Well, hope it was good for you honey."
| | jackfrost4.wav
| Sam: "Hey Jack!"
Jack Frost: "What?"
Sam: "What's the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?"
Jack Frost: "I dunno."
Sam: "Snowballs."
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| | Click for a larger image | IMAGES | Scenes from the movie | |
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| | Watch a scene | VIDEO | MPEG video files | |
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 | jackfrost1.mpg
- 2.8m
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| They just finished blowing the police station to kingdom come, hoping to destroy the evil snow cone in the process of course. It looks like the blast mixed up Jack a little bit, I wonder how many snowmen like this are built near places "the short school bus" makes its stops.
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| | Leave a comment | EXTRAS | Buy the movie | |
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