|GODZILLA VS. MECHAGODZILLA
|Copyright 1974 Toho Company Ltd.
| Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'
- Godzilla - Defender of Japan, every conquering alien's nightmare.
- Mechagodzilla - Cybernetic monster being used by the space aliens to destroy Godzilla, thereby removing their main hurdle in conquering Earth.
- King Seesar - This is the biggest damn Pekinese I have ever seen.
- Anguirus - Just here to get his butt whipped.
- Professor Miyajima - Brilliant scientist, for some reason he invented a smoking pipe that creates powerful electrical disturbances when separated into two pieces. Not exactly the sort of thing I'd be sticking in my mouth.
- Saeko Kaneshiro - She is entrusted with the sacred statue (it can be used to awaken King Seesar) and is learning how tough it is being a female Archeologist.
- Eiko Miyajima - Professor's daughter who sure does like plaid for some reason.
- Gosuke - Seems to be a construction manager, but his main trait is "complete wuss."
- Masahiko - Gosuke's younger brother.
- Namara - Interpol agent.
- Azumi Nobility - The ancient tribe's princess is a complete "freak girl" and her grizzly old grandfather little better. Needless to say, maybe they shouldn't have married so many sisters and brothers together in times gone past.
- Aliens - Highly advanced, except in fashion, plus they turn into monkey's upon death. Somebody apparently smacked their commander across the face with a two by four.
|One would expect rubber monsters to catch my attention in this film, but what I really noticed was people sweating. In almost every single scene there is a person with obvious perspiration. Ugh. At one point the bad guys try to steam Professor Miyajima and his daughter to death. Just what we needed, more sweating.
Space aliens are trying to use a mechanical Godzilla to conquer our world, at first the monster is covered in artificial flesh which makes it appear to be the real Godzilla. Undoubtedly this has confused someone who, while flipping channels, ran across the King of Monsters apparently fighting himself. Pretty soon all the camouflage is burned off and you can try to figure out how Mechagodzilla's fingers are large missiles, but he looked just like the original. You can also safely wonder why the aliens go through so much trouble to steal the sacred statue of King Seesar, how about just killing the last two Azumi freaks? Ancient prophecies which involve mountains in the sky and the sun rising in the west are pretty useless when their agents are sleeping with the fishes.
Perhaps we shouldn't pick on the Azumi tribe, their guardian monster obviously came from some sort of garage sale. My guardian monster would be covered with spikes, scales, and teeth. Yes teeth, jagged canines sticking out in all sorts of horrific places. It is not going to look like an overgrown yap dog and inspire laughter in my enemies.
I mentioned the aliens trying to steam Miyajima to death earlier, well one of his signature items is a heavy overcoat. He never takes it off, even while in the sauna of death. Pretty obvious why a Mrs. Miyajima is not in evidence now isn't it?
King Seesar is awakened by the God-awful crooning of Princess Azumi, but he is no match for the robotic monster from space. When things become desperate the real Godzilla appears and joins the fray, even overcoming an unexplainable (meaning goofy) forcefield Mechagodzilla creates. Try not to notice that we are given proof Mechagodzilla's head is mounted on a ball joint, since only two minutes later Godzilla destroys the impostor by twisting his head off.
|Things I Learned From This Movie:|| |
- Japanese families keep teapots full of hot water on hand to use against intruders.
- Godzilla is OPEC's worst nightmare.
- Huge mechanical monsters come with a bumper to bumper warranty, good for six cities or sixty-thousand miles.
- Women go spelunking in skirts and go-go boots.
- Godzilla is the world's largest battery.
- Getting shot in the face will turn you into a monkey.
- Alien invasions are handled by the International Police Organization.
- Being strangled with twine will also turn you into a monkey.
- 9 mins - I think the ancient artist might have been sketching his dog.
- 17 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A LIGHT FIXTURE!
- 19 mins - It's Godzilla and he has a sore throat!
- 22 mins - Watch his hands, if the road is that gnarly maybe he should pay more attention to driving.
- 26 mins - Nooooo... ...that is a brick painted silver. (Hehehehe!)
- 42 mins - Punch him in the crotch, good sportsmanship hardly applies to fighting space aliens.
- 44 mins - Gosuke is such a wuss, why doesn't he shoot the bad guy? Now the ape thing is throwing lawn chairs at him. Hey putz, see that thing in your hand? It's called a gun.
- 45 mins - What is it Jo-Jo? Do you want me to move over here? Do you want a banana?
- 62 mins - Good thing that whoever refinished the roof did not remove that (useless) little platform.
- Professor Miyajima: "I'm sure that Mechagodzilla is being remotely controlled by spacemen."
- Saeko: "Ahhh look at that! The sun's rising, the sun's rising in the west!"
| ||Audio clips in wav format||SOUNDS||Starving actors speak out|| |
||Azumi Princess: "A monster! A monster will set fire to the city, and trample on the people who try to run away!"
||Professor Miyajima: "I am positive it's the same metal as the piece Masahiko found in Okinawa. This is space titanium."
||Professor Miyajima: "The one that came out of Mt Fuji is a cyborg." |
Miyajima: "Hmm, it is made out of the space metal, you could call it a Mechagodzilla."
||Professor Miyajima: "Who are you?" |
Alien Commander: "Commander for conquest of Earth from the third planet of the black hole outer space."
|Theme Song|| Listen to a clip from the soundtrack. |
| ||Click for a larger image||IMAGES||Scenes from the movie|| |
| ||Watch a scene||VIDEO||MPEG video files|| |
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