|Copyright 1962 Fairway International.
| Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'
- Eegah - Richard Kiel! Ancient caveman, the only water available to him was full of sulfur and it evidently prolonged his life. Needed to grow a bulletproof vest and gills to survive this movie.
- Roxy - It's the old "woman in her thirties trying to pass for a teenager" gag! I love that one!
- Tom - Fugly guy (verified through several female sources) who is Roxy's boyfriend. With his singing voice you have to wonder if he cracks more mirrors or glasses each day. I'm taking bets.
- Mr. Miller - Roxy's wealthy father. Not great at photography, not great at writing, not so good at walking either.
- Boredom - As much a star of this film as the four jokers listed above.
|Eegah? More like YEE GODS! Repeated over and over in mockery of that female parrot in your high school play. Good Lord what did the human race do to deserve this movie?
Few things make me shudder like a really horrid song, call it the artist in me screaming for a true and final death, but guitars should require a background check and waiting period. For some strange reason you will look forward to Tom flaying the musical beast, they tend to be the few times you are not bored to tears. Okay, enough advertising masochism for now, the next sentence (or paragraph, depends how creative I can get) will describe the plot.
It turns out a towering caveman (read: unwashed Richard Kiel wearing an animal carcass) has been dwelling in the desert near Palm Springs since the dawn of time. By a freak accident (read: the plot) Roxy is the first modern human to encounter him, although "almost running him down because the stupid Neanderthal is standing in the middle of the road" is more accurate. Mr. Miller decides to go looking for the living fossil and does indeed meet Eegah. Unfortunately he trips during the encounter and manages to inflict the same amount damage on himself that you would expect when jumping off a two story building onto concrete. When dad fails to show up the two lovers go looking for him in the dune buggy.
Of course Eegah grabs Roxy when her hideous boyfriend isn't looking and carries the girl back to his cave. There she finds dad, looking like he went three rounds with Mike Tyson, and a number of mummified cavemen! It's only a matter of time before the hulking brute grows tired of introducing Roxy to his dead ancestors and making her drink sulfur water. He realizes that this is a woman and he should do, um, something with her. Everyone knows that after being sexually inactive for several hundred years it takes some time to get back in a groove, but right after he decides ripping her clothes off is a good start Tom shows up. Talk about a mood breaker!
Despite a knuckle biting chase with everyone in the dune buggy and the caveman on foot the movie doesn't stop there, it just keeps on giving. You still get to watch what happens when Eegah follows the trio into Palm Springs.
|Things I Learned From This Movie:|| |
- Musicians take their sacred oaths using Elvis Presley albums vice bibles.
- Gas station attendants are expert trackers.
- Falling down on soft sand will knock you unconscious and break your arm.
- Women do not mind when their boyfriends sing about other girls.
- When people are having fun they say, "Weeee!"
- Daffodils grow wild in arid regions.
- False beards are hard to cut.
- All the hip kids bring their parents to parties.
- 2 mins - One has to wonder how Egyptologists feel about painting movie credits on mummies.
- 4 mins - Hehehe! Someone is shining a spotlight in front of that car to emulate the headlights, but why?
- 14 mins - Obviously a remote area, there are bulldozer tracks everywhere.
- 16 mins - I don't know why Eegah being frightened by the helicopter makes me laugh, it just does.
- 26 mins - Your girlfriend's name is "Roxy" you moron, not "Vicki" or "Valerie."
- 35 mins - Eegah and Ro-Man are roommates it seems.
- 42 mins - Where did that big bone come from? Did he kill a cow, um, that was living in the desert?
- 47 mins - Horny toads!
- 90 mins - Genesis, chapter four, verse thirty-two?
| ||Audio clips in wav format||SOUNDS||Starving actors speak out|| |
||Mr. Williams: "Honey, a prehistoric monster is a rather large order to swallow." |
Roxy: "Dad, I didn't say he was a monster, he was a giant! You know, a caveman!"
||Mr. Williams: "Eegah!" |
Roxy: "Is that his name?"
Mr. Williams: "It might be, that's the word he says most of the time."
||Roxy: "I'm not going to leave you to get your head bashed in, my father didn't raise me that way."
|Theme Song|| Listen to a clip from the soundtrack. |
| ||Click for a larger image||IMAGES||Scenes from the movie|| |
| ||Watch a scene||VIDEO||MPEG video files|| |
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