Bad Movie Logo
"A website to the detriment of good film"

Custom Search

Not Rated
Copyright 1997 Hong Kong Connection. (I believe the film was made in the early 80's.)
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • (Work with me here, there were NO credits)
  • Cha Le and Jun - Virgin boy who is becoming a monk, she is the girlfriend who won't give it up.
  • Old Devil - Powerful evil spirit, he has this cannonball which spits out mini cannonballs. Rat Face and Cha Le finally defeat him.
  • Rat Face - Alcoholic with a face like some rodent, he uses very powerful Kung Fu though.
  • Granny - Cha Le's grandmother, she is a powerful martial arts witch. I think the actor was a man. Killed by Princess.
  • The Watermelon Monster - This thing is a riot! It's a giant toothed cannonball!
  • Princess - Cult leader, very pretty and her sash is deadly. Ends up enslaved to Old Devil and killed by Cha Le.
  • Fat Chick and Shining Knight - Princess' cultists, Fat Chick has this weird "antenna" hair style.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

I was entirely unprepared for this movie, it is a confusing but hilarious roller coaster of Kung Fu mayhem! Words can hardly describe the number of crazy kicks, punches, and special weapons you are treated to. And now for the equally absurd plot. Rat Face is tasked with finding a virgin male born on the 15th of August to perform a temple ritual. Cha Le (a virgin born on the 15th of August) is learning the art of being a martial arts using witch from his manly grandmother. He must retrieve the "secret document" from a hidden room, reaching it involves many dangers, and The Watermelon Monster guards the script. Princess and her cult often collect money from people, they can be very violent about not contributing. Old Devil wants the "secret document" to gain more power or something. The situation comes to a head at the temple ceremony where Rat Face and Cha Le must battle Old Devil. Confused? Watching it won't help - but you will be laughing and asking, "What just happened?" over and over (keep the remote handy for rewind). Never in my life have I seen so many people being pulled or suspended by wires, or stuffed dummies being thrown against walls, etc... ...and The Watermelon Monster, who in the heck thought this thing up? You really have to see this movie my friends, even if you don't like fu flicks.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Kung Fu defies all laws of physics, Einstein knew E=whatever the Shaolin monks decide.
  • Paper is a terrific insulator against fire.
  • Fat women fight by spinning or falling on you.
  • Asian girls say, "I want to cuddle." instead of, "Hump my brains out." but the result is the same.
  • Ladies: don't have sex in your deceased husband's tomb with the new boyfriend.
  • Getting a wine gourd jammed up your ass hurts.
  • Wearing a penis suit does not increase your fighting prowess and is likely to result in bodily harm.
  • Kung Fu requires ventriloquism.
  • People need their teeth in the afterlife.
  • Alcoholics never make it as wine tasters.
  • The Devil is susceptible to being smacked with 4X4's. (As in a piece of wood.)

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 5 mins - What is this? Some strange wicker bumper car being driven by a drunken rat man?
  • 9 mins - I think granny is a man BABY!
  • 13 mins - What in the world is that thing? (The Watermelon Monster.)
  • 15 mins - He painted hairs on his what? Nevermind...
  • 21 mins - That corpse just slapped the guy's behind!
  • 25 mins - That's a darn big sword.
  • 43 mins - We get the idea, she's communing with the dead, get on with it.
  • 76 mins - They sure like to suspend the actors on wires in this movie.

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

Green Music Note dwutang1.wav Cha Le: "Wow! The Watermelon Monster!"
Green Music Note dwutang2.wav The Watermelon Monster's annoying screeching. (Imagine this going on for 2 minutes.)
Green Music Note dwutang3.wav Princess: "Who are you?"
Old Devil: "I'm the Devil!"
Green Music Note dwutang4.wav Old Devil: "Give me the book or I'll kill you all."
Monk: "Don't threaten us and get off our roof!"

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 


 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipdwutang1.mpg - 2.7m
The Watermelon Monster! There is so little I can say to accurately describe this creature, let alone this scene.

 Leave a commentEXTRASBuy the movie 

Share It!Buy the movieIMDB Logo
Stumble This ReviewStumble This Review
Digg This ReviewDigg This Review
Buy it from (United States)

Internet Movie Database

 Share on Facebook
RSS Feed Subscribe Subscribe by RSS
Email Subscribe Subscribe by Email

Recommended Articles
How To Find A Bad Movie

The Champions of Justice

Plan 9 from Outer Space

Manos, The Hands of Fate

Podcast: Todd the Convenience Store Clerk

Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

The Human Tornado


The Educational Archives: Driver's Ed

Godzilla vs. Monster Zero

Do you have a zombie plan?

ImageThe Giant Claw - Slime drop

Earth is visited by a GIANT ANTIMATTER SPACE BUZZARD! Gawk at the amazingly bad bird puppet, or chuckle over the silly dialog. This is one of the greatest b-movies ever made.

Lesson Learned:
  • Osmosis: os·mo·sis (oz-mo'sis, os-) n., 1. When a bird eats something.

Subscribe to and get updates by email:

HOME B-Movie Reviews Reader Reviews Forum Interviews TV Shows Advertising Information Sideshows Links Contact is owned and operated by Andrew Borntreger. All original content is © 1998 - 2014 by its respective author(s). Image, video, and audio files are used in accordance with Fair Use, and are property of the film copyright holders. You may freely link to any page (.html or .php) on this website, but reproduction in any other form must be authorized by the copyright holder.