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KISS ME QUICK! - 2 Slimes
Rated X (this is out of whack; pun not intended)
Copyright 1964 Fantasy Films Inc.
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 4 December 2007

Capsule Review:    

This is an old "nudie cutie" flick, thus a prime example of films that trade any attempt at story or coherence for titillation of the male libido. I tend to have a low tolerance for them, because they do little more than parade naked women across the screen and often are too self-aware. Do not get me wrong, naked women rank high on my entertainment scale. It is the self-aware part that bugs me; "Kiss Me Quick" contains a mad scientist named Dr. Breedlove and a race of aliens from the planet Buttless. Now do you understand my problem?

Most of the action is centered around Dr. Breedlove showing off his artificially enhanced females to an alien talent scout, Sterilox. The girls shimmy, jiggle it (more than a little bit), and spend a lot of time stripping off black lingerie. I'm quite certain that the director had a thing for black intimate apparel, especially garters and stockings.

Some of the girls are attractive, but one woman, part of a trio, completely freaked me out. However, what really annoyed me about this movie was the actor playing Sterilox. His smug countenance drove me up the wall; I spent half the movie resisting the urge to punch him in the mouth (that would have spelled disaster for my television). In the end, the actor did break out of character and make me laugh, so at least it was all an act. I would hate to think that there are people out there who actually behave that way.

Something that can be said about the movie is that the camera work was pretty good. Nothing was out of focus, if you know what I mean.

Things I Learned From This Show:  

Green Dot A poorly placed exercise belt massager can make any woman unattractive.
Green Dot The first label makers used masking tape.
Green Dot Breasts are the last thing that you expect to find attached to a black cotton Q-Tip.
Green Dot Bath beads come in regular, large, and "so freaking huge that you could hide a puppy inside."

Stuff To Watch For:  

Green Dot 6 mins - Is it a radio, a clock, or a light fixture?
Green Dot 23 mins - I was expecting him to say that they got sticky after you licked them.
Green Dot 28 mins - What you need is a Catholic girl. I think that they have to get pregnant every time they have sex, or else God gets angry.
Green Dot 45 mins - This is the dictionary definition of frolicking.

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Lesson Learned:
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