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FEAST II: SLOPPY SECONDS
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| Unrated
| | Copyright 2008 Neo Art & Logic
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Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 21 March 2010
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This story picks up where the first Feast left off, though it abandons Tuffy and Bozo. Instead, we are introduced to Biker Queen (Harley Mom's twin sister) as she tortures the barely alive, but still very ready to curse his way into the afterlife, Bartender. Seems that Biker Queen is upset about what happened to Harley Mom, and she wants to kill Bozo for it. So, Biker Queen and her gang of biker b***es head into town to find and stomp the living s**t out of Bozo.
The revenge-seeking woman is going to have to hold off on the whole eye for an eye, blood debt, pound of flesh thing for a while. The same monsters that made a mess out of the bar also attacked the town. Survivors are few and far between, though those that did make it through the initial orgy of consumption are quite a colorful cast. There is a pair of midget wrestlers and their beer-drinking grandmother, a used car salesman, a meth addict, and a girl named Secrets and her boyfriend, Greg. Secrets is an annoying stereotype, because she is painted as the type who believes the universe revolves around her (or more accurately, her va-jay-jay - a term just as annoying as the concept). However, Greg is a pox upon the viewer. Some movies create characters for the audience to hate; others feature characters that make the audience hate the movie itself. Greg is the latter.
Which gets down to the real reason I dislike this movie. It tries to be edgy, disgusting, and outlandish like the first film, but goes too far. "Feast II" is a distasteful collection of vulgarity that wore my patience to the bone, and then delivered a scene involving a baby that finally made me realize the film had absolutely no class. I would rather watch a random tentacle hentai anime, because most of those are less repellent and at least attempt for some semblance of a coherent plot.
Look, it's bad when I think a random tentacle hentai sounds more enjoyable than the film at hand. Especially since "Feast II" has monsters, topless biker babes, and midget luchadores. I should love this film, but I don't. *SIGH*
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| Things I Learned From This Show: | |
|  | John Holmes was reincarnated as a Mexican midget luchador.
| | | Never perform CPR on someone who died from explosive dysentery.
| | | Children are always a distraction.
| | | Grandma + trebuchet = euthanasia.
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| | | 28 mins - How's that karma working out for you, Honey Pie?
| | | 35 mins - Invented in 1608.
| | | 50 mins - This scene is brought to you by the people you thought couldn't be any more repulsive.
| | | 72 mins - I was wrong, they found a way to be even more repulsive.
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| Biker Queen: "Quit touching the motherf***ing organs, a**hole!"
Greg: "This is science. Shut up!"
| Thunder: "Naw, f**k that. I ain't doing that!"
Slasher: "Hold up, hold up, hold up. We just threw a woman off the ledge, these b****es are standing here butt naked 'cause we used their clothes to make this s**t, not to mention I just watched a f**cking baby get eaten alive, and you standing here telling me that you not even willing to give this s**t a try?"
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