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DRAGON FIGHTER
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| Rated R
| | Copyright 2003 United Film Organization
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Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 13 November 2007
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In a relic from the Cold War, an underground bunker complex, a group of scientists is using a fusion generator to replicate living creatures. The researchers extract a DNA sample from something, fill the cloning tank with creature-making solution, and turn on the computer. All they have to do then is wait until the progress indicator bars on the monitor fill all the way and, voila, instant puppy! Once simple, push-button cloning is perfected, the world will be a better place.
Abusing the gift of cloning is always a possibility, but that becomes a certainty when the head of the research group brings back a secret DNA sample that was found in an English cave. He convinces the others to go ahead with the experiment and a real live dragon results! We all know what happens next. The dragon gets loose in the old sections of the bunker that are not being used and eats several people. Pistols and shotguns cannot hurt the beast and the fusion generator is damaged, meaning that the trapped humans must find a way out before the laboratory blows sky high. Oh, and the only person capable of saving the day is the new military liaison officer, a brash and intelligent helicopter pilot.
The hero displays so much foresight that he annoys the audience. Not content with correctly deducing the type of experiments being conducted, he also knows a lot about cloning and guesses the mystery creature's identity before anyone else has a clue (except the head guy, who knew all along). Dude, why are you flying helicopters for the military? What you need to do is start your own psychic hotline. You will make millions. You know that.
Something the film did often was to tile the screen. It is like watching a movie via pop-up windows and it gets old really fast.
The real reason to watch the movie is to see the very end, with the dragon engaged in a dogfight against several F-16 jet fighters. Sadly, this is not as cool as it sounds and the hero resorts to shooting the monster with a flare gun so that an F-16 can lock on with a Sidewinder. Gosh darn it, where were the AMRAAMs or why didn't the pilots switch to cannon?
Not that targeting a fire-breathing dragon should have been difficult for a heat-seeking missile in the first place.
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| Things I Learned From This Show: | |
|  | The most dangerous thing about a dragon was the cave that it lived in.
| | | AD&D fanatics should never be placed in charge of a secret cloning laboratory.
| | | Dragons are able to grow from zygote to adult in less than twenty-four hours, but became extinct because they need central air to survive.
| | | Elevators are ovens that go up and down.
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| | | 9 mins - The outside looks like a SH-60 Seahawk, but the interior is confusing me. Is this a different helicopter or creative set design?
| | | 15 mins - Okay, let's put this puppy back into the cage with the other sixty-one clones.
| | | 22 mins - Don't forget Norway and Germany.
| | | 82 mins - For the love of theater, they are wiggling to make this scene work!
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