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THE CURSE - 2 Slimes
Rated R
Copyright 1987 Trans World Entertainment.
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 6 November 2007

Capsule Review:    

Wil Wheaton stars as a boy living on a farm in Tennessee in this adaptation of H.P. Lovecraft's "The Colour Out of Space." A fluid-filled meteorite lands in the pasture, creating a suspiciously square furrow from the impact (like a bulldozer had dug it). The meteorite is obviously crazy outer space stuff, but the local doctor discounts it as harmless, even after the darn thing dwindles away by leaking its contents into the groundwater. The extraterrestrial contamination blights the crops and turns Wheaton's mother into a slime-dripping hag. Other members of the family are similarly afflicted, just at a slower pace. When the little girl starts getting sick, Wheaton saves her by sneaking into town to buy canned food and obtaining drinking water from the doctor's outdoor hose. The film ends after the two kids flee their transformed family and the old farmhouse collapses into the surrounding miasma.

Special effects range from passing to downright terrible. The meteor's arrival sequence is a good example. The bracket assembly holding the model meteor is clearly visible. At first, I thought it must be a tree branch, it was so prominent. Also, for reasons unknown, the bracket system looks like it is constructed of square pieces, vice the round dowels or tubing that would normally be used. I wonder why the special effects technician did not use wire. Maybe the meteor model is larger than it looks?

The real reason to see this film is to watch a young Wil Wheaton repeatedly slapped by his Bible-thumping stepfather. If that is not enough Wheaton abuse to pique your interest, he also gets royally smeared with manure. All of the people who said they could only be happy if Wesley Crusher was covered in excrement and beaten take note: your wish came true.

Things I Learned From This Show:  

Green Dot Farmhands should not have more fur than the livestock.
Green Dot Never hammer a chisel into something that looks like a huge testicle, especially if it experienced "shrinkage" overnight.
Green Dot Those "Grow Your Own Kimchee" infomercials are a load of bull.
Green Dot Tomatoes are 70 psi.
Green Dot If you visit Tennessee, don't drink the water.

Stuff To Watch For:  

Green Dot 7 mins - Next time, my biscuits had better be smothered in gravy. You hear me, woman?
Green Dot 15 mins - She must be downstairs, knitting a sweater for the old woman who sits in the front pew at church. Yeah, right!
Green Dot 20 mins - Hi, Mr. Cameraman!
Green Dot 45 mins - Maybe you can market them as "protein fortified" apples.
Green Dot 57 mins - PETA was not exaggerating, dairy cows really do suffer.

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Lesson Learned:
  • Osmosis: os·mo·sis (oz-mo'sis, os-) n., 1. When a bird eats something.

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