RECENT VIEWINGS (Bad Movie Thread!)

[M.10rda]

My OCD always makes me feel weird about reviewing a movie I didn't like in the "Recent Viewings" thread in the "Good Movies" section, so let's try this out and see how it goes...

BLADE TRINITY (2004):
Second (partial) viewing of something Madame 10rda started watching on her own, got about 4/5ths of the way through, then tapped out on before the end. I won't attempt a score for this one as I didn't endure the whole thing either... but I remember lukewarm feelings about this one from my initial viewing (at least it wasn't as bad as the first BLADE!)  and revisiting (some of) it now, I find it both better and worse than I remembered. For one thing, I remembered this primarily as a Ryan Reynolds movie (and it is) but had somehow forgotten the other selling points of the ensemble.

From a 2023 perspective, I might ask: If one was making a movie where Ryan Reynolds, Patton Oswalt, and Natasha Lyonne are vampire hunters facing off against an outrageously camp Parker Posey....... what else really would you need? In no reality would the answer be "Wesley Snipes sleepwalking through a nominally central role", but such is the logic behind BLADE: TRINITY.......  to be accurate, Oswalt and Lyonne get precious little to do and Reynolds is really just doing all the same shtick he always does (though it was still relatively novel 19 years ago). But for the record, Posey is entirely magnificent, particularly in the scene where she tortures Reynolds and belittles his manhood. Although Count Dracula is technically the Big Bad, he's about as non-essential as Snipes - his lieutenant baddy Posey is the main attraction.

It's unfortunate that Blade was always the weakest link in the BLADE trilogy... Snipes never seemed interested in the role, even before he was fending off new co-star Reynolds for the spotlight. Even here he never breaks a sweat or changes his expression, spitting out one tired cliche after another. At one point in TRINITY, he glances at an actual issue of the 70s comic classic "Tomb Of Dracula" (where Blade originated) and then tosses it aside w/ disinterest... which is entirely reflective of the attitude of the trilogy's producers and writers about its source material.  On the page, Blade was never an emotionless Terminatoralike... he was quite explicitly a groovy (sometimes laconic) yet very human hero ala John Shaft. He hated vampires, but he also cared about his friends and colleagues, and (natch) loved the ladies. The movies missed a great bet in the 90s by enlisting an Andre Braugher instead of the too-cool-for-school Snipes, and I've long feared that any forthcoming Mahershala Ali reboot will just be Wesley Snipes 2.0.      DANIEL KALUUYA OR BUST!!!

[Gabriel Knight]

Honestly, the first BLADE was a pretty cool movie, and Snipes did a good job portraying the character, but mostly because the film was quite grim and gothic. The sequels landed on cheesy territory, so his serious acting became a detriment. Wesley Snipes cared so little about the third part that in a particular scene he refused to open his eyes as he was supposed to, and they had to do it with CGI. Really bad CGI.

https://youtu.be/Zd5HMHmbwBg?feature=shared

[zombie no.one]

couple of days ago I turned off 3 movies in a row. they went in the player, and got ejected with malice.

LETHAL JUSTICE (1995)
murky uninvolving amateurish no budget-sploitation trash

MY LITTLE EYE (2007)
awful attempt at trendy reality tv based slasher. soul sappingly pathetic

SECOND IN COMMAND (2006)
Totally anonymous. Jean Claude Van Bland. bleh.


Love movies, me!

[M.10rda]

Personal mileage may always vary of course, and I'm glad someone likes the first BLADE.  I was in LA doing P.A. or rather peon work about a year or so ahead of the first one's release, and a copy of the screenplay crossed my path....... read it and, while I can't claim it's great literature, there were strong enough bones that I could imagine how it would play w/ a good director and great actors. Stephen Norrington, alas, is not a particularly good director. I've said my peace about Snipes, so I'll just add that, in the screenplay, Whistler is a killer role. Kris Kristofferson....... not even an actor, in my book, let alone a great one. And in "Tomb of Dracula", Deacon Frost is a terrifying ancient creep ala Christopher Walken. Whoever glanced at the dramatis personae and said, "Hmm... Stephen Dorff!" needed an immediate one-way ticket out of the casting business.

It does have Traci Lords and Donal Logue in bit roles, so that's something. I tell you, if you took every good supporting actor from all 3 BLADE movies and cast them in one movie w/o Wesley Snipes....... you'd have a pretty well-acted movie!

[claws]

MY LITTLE EYE (2007)
awful attempt at trendy reality tv based slasher. soul sappingly pathetic

I believe it was released in 2002. Reminds me of my time at another horror forum. Everybody was drooling over My Little Eye, like it was the horror discovery of the century.
I didn't hate it, but it wasn't a huge fave either. Loved the snow setting though.

If anything, it was at least better than Halloween: Resurrection (2002) which had the same reality show concept.

[M.10rda]

MY LITTLE EYE (2007)
awful attempt at trendy reality tv based slasher. soul sappingly pathetic

I believe it was released in 2002. Reminds me of my time at another horror forum. Everybody was drooling over My Little Eye, like it was the horror discovery of the century.
I didn't hate it, but it wasn't a huge fave either. Loved the snow setting though.

If anything, it was at least better than Halloween: Resurrection (2002) which had the same reality show concept.

I spent too much money on a European DVD of MY LITTLE EYE because of all the '02/'03-era buzz, years before it was released here. (Maybe it was released in States in '07...) I dunno what I paid, but if it was more than $5 (it probably was), I paid too much. I didn't hate it either but its quality is definitely of an "Included with Prime" level.......

[zombie no.one]

MY LITTLE EYE (2007)
awful attempt at trendy reality tv based slasher. soul sappingly pathetic

I believe it was released in 2002. Reminds me of my time at another horror forum. Everybody was drooling over My Little Eye, like it was the horror discovery of the century.
I didn't hate it, but it wasn't a huge fave either. Loved the snow setting though.

If anything, it was at least better than Halloween: Resurrection (2002) which had the same reality show concept.

oops sorry yeah got the year wrong. don't ask me why but  I have actually come to quite like RESURRECTION (after initially hating it) - but it has no business being part of the HALLOWEEN franchise.

[claws]

(Maybe it was released in States in '07...)

According to IMDb it played UK theaters in 2002, and 2004 in the U.S.

I bought the UK DVD, most likely in 2003. It was distributed by Universal and StudioCanal. They sure had big Studio names attached on that one  

[lester1/2jr]

Monster Grizzly (2023) - This movie definitely sucked, but it did sort of cheer me up. You know you're in for a treat when the production company is called "Poverty Row Film Co".

People in rural Iowa deal with a huge bear on the loose, a monster grizzly in fact. The dialogue is really painful, but the cast is sort of likeable and the story actually has a decent amount of build up.

Some highlights

-When the bear starts closing in on it's prey, the director adds some effect that makes it seem like your TV is broken or something is wrong with the feed.

-The "chemistry" between the scientist and police chief is awkward and forced enough to make the likes of Plug Love (don't ask) seem smooth and believable in comparison.

-plenty of both CGI and real snow but not much bear.

I enjoyed this more than Die Die My Darling but I feel embarrassed by that because that one had real actors/ writer and this had maybe one actual actor and dialogue so cringe it should have gotten an X rating. The relatively hot Native American chick is without question the actual highlight here.


2.5 /5  I watched it to participate in this thread. highly recommended!

[M.10rda]

Monster Grizzly (2023)
2.5 /5  I watched it to participate in this thread. highly recommended!

LOL we appreciate it!

I watched 2 pretty bad movies last night but as I watched 'em on a big screen I guess I'm gonna' go post in the GOOD MOVIES > THEATRICAL thread... counterintuitively!

[claws]

Magic Magic (2013)



A group of young adults explore Chile, but one of them slowly descents into... madness, I think? Technically, this isn't a bad movie, at first glance. Once you reach the ending, you'll go, 'oh, boy!'. Great location, and great cast including Juno Temple, Emily Browning and Michael Cera. But yeah, the ending ruins the movie, in my opinion.

1.5/5

[lester1/2jr]

update: this image does not appear in the movie Monster Grizzly at all.

[M.10rda]

THE LAST CHASE (1981):
"In the future", a vague unspecified pandemic has drastically reduced the population of western civilization and yet even still (somewhat counterintuitively) the U.S. has decided to introduce and enforce draconian restrictions on the operation of motor vehicles - not for any particular ecological consideration but instead (it seems) merely for the perceived aesthetics of "tranquility". I swear to God I don't usually go out of my way to watch films w/ heavy political subtext and maybe it says something about me that I can find a lot of it even in BLUE BEETLE and IT'S A WONDERFUL KNIFE, but in this case, I ain't dreamin'....... THE LAST CHASE would be tailor-made for today's climate change denier or anyone panicking over the concept of "15-minute cities", if it hadn't been made 42 years ago by some Canadians who maybe (at best) had the late 70s gas crisis on their minds or maybe just had watched VANISHING POINT too many times. Mostly it's just an excuse for Fall Guy Lee Majors to drive fast and look constipated.

Majors plays "Franklyn Hart", former race car driver. All he wants to do is DRIVE, dammit, and The Man just won't let him! What's a righteous American guy to do but abduct an underage boy and transport him across multiple state lines in an outlawed souped-up porsche in the name of Freedom??? Of course the federal government can't allow this, so three sourpuss deep state operatives (a mean old man, an icy dragon lady, and a balding spineless cuck, naturally) in a Star Chamber-like conference room enlist Vietnam-era fighter pilot Burgess Meredith to stop Majors from reaching the free state of California........ because of course only a jet pilot can catch a race car driver. What the federales haven't counted on is that Meredith JUST WANTS TO FLY dammit, almost as much as Majors JUST WANTS TO DRIVE dammit! You can probably guess the melodramatic twist ending already.

Meredith is good as usual, and Chris Makepeace (later of VAMP and MY BODYGUARD) shows early promise as the willing Robin to Majors' Batman. I'll never bother watching enough of the Lee Majors filmography to substantiate this, but I'd imagine this might be Majors' most understated and serious performance. In spite of how serious Majors is and how straight-faced the film's tone is, THE LAST CHASE alternates between ludicrously amusing and stultifying in its dullness. Rarely has high-speed travel been this sleep-inducing! THE LAST CHASE would've certainly benefitted from a better sense for its own absurdity, and from more lines like the film's fade-out punchline, where mean old President Mr. Burns scowls that Majors' hijinks will set the country "back to the 1980s!".

2/5
Inevitably to be remade starring Kevin Sorbo, Ben Stein as the fighter pilot, and the kid from "Two And A Half Men"? They'll have to change it so Sorbo is driving to the free state of Florida, of course.

[indianasmith]

THE LAST CHASE (1981):
"In the future", a vague unspecified pandemic has drastically reduced the population of western civilization and yet even still (somewhat counterintuitively) the U.S. has decided to introduce and enforce draconian restrictions on the operation of motor vehicles - not for any particular ecological consideration but instead (it seems) merely for the perceived aesthetics of "tranquility". I swear to God I don't usually go out of my way to watch films w/ heavy political subtext and maybe it says something about me that I can find a lot of it even in BLUE BEETLE and IT'S A WONDERFUL KNIFE, but in this case, I ain't dreamin'....... THE LAST CHASE would be tailor-made for today's climate change denier or anyone panicking over the concept of "15-minute cities", if it hadn't been made 42 years ago by some Canadians who maybe (at best) had the late 70s gas crisis on their minds or maybe just had watched VANISHING POINT too many times. Mostly it's just an excuse for Fall Guy Lee Majors to drive fast and look constipated.

Majors plays "Franklyn Hart", former race car driver. All he wants to do is DRIVE, dammit, and The Man just won't let him! What's a righteous American guy to do but abduct an underage boy and transport him across multiple state lines in an outlawed souped-up porsche in the name of Freedom??? Of course the federal government can't allow this, so three sourpuss deep state operatives (a mean old man, an icy dragon lady, and a balding spineless cuck, naturally) in a Star Chamber-like conference room enlist Vietnam-era fighter pilot Burgess Meredith to stop Majors from reaching the free state of California........ because of course only a jet pilot can catch a race car driver. What the federales haven't counted on is that Meredith JUST WANTS TO FLY dammit, almost as much as Majors JUST WANTS TO DRIVE dammit! You can probably guess the melodramatic twist ending already.

Meredith is good as usual, and Chris Makepeace (later of VAMP and MY BODYGUARD) shows early promise as the willing Robin to Majors' Batman. I'll never bother watching enough of the Lee Majors filmography to substantiate this, but I'd imagine this might be Majors' most understated and serious performance. In spite of how serious Majors is and how straight-faced the film's tone is, THE LAST CHASE alternates between ludicrously amusing and stultifying in its dullness. Rarely has high-speed travel been this sleep-inducing! THE LAST CHASE would've certainly benefitted from a better sense for its own absurdity, and from more lines like the film's fade-out punchline, where mean old President Mr. Burns scowls that Majors' hijinks will set the country "back to the 1980s!".

2/5
Inevitably to be remade starring Kevin Sorbo, Ben Stein as the fighter pilot, and the kid from "Two And A Half Men"? They'll have to change it so Sorbo is driving to the free state of Florida, of course.

I've been trying to remember the name of this film for years!   Thank you.

[M.10rda]

LOL! I saved you a trip to "What Was That Film?"