RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS

[BoyScoutKevin]

Many monsters will have an inexplicable, non-food,  attraction to a single human female.

Especially, if said single human female is a virgin. (See various versions of "Countess Dracula," "Creature from the Black Lagoon," "King Kong," etc.) Of course, said single human need not be female (See "Lair of the White Worm," etc.) But said monster will go on a killing rampage, if denied said single human, male or female. (See films already mentioned and others.)

[Ed, Ego and Superego]

16.) Persons making monster rules tend to be extremely long-winded.  And fail to number their entries. 

pedant 
I coudn;t get my shoes off to find out where I was in the list

[Allhallowsday]

16.) Persons making monster rules tend to be extremely long-winded.  And fail to number their entries.  

pedant  
I coudn;t get my shoes off to find out where I was in the list

Pedant, again?  You're not funny and I wasn't referring to you.  Who else would know what you're referring to?  Only me.  Don't make me pop yer cherry.  Kitten. 

[indianasmith]

Rowr!!!!

[Ted C]

29) Many monsters are much stealthier than it looks like they should be. A monster the size of an elephant can creep silently through a forest and devour dozens of victims without leaving a trace. Once a witness has survived an attack by the monster, however, it usually abandons all attempts at stealth.

[alandhopewell]

     30- Fifties monsters rarely attack children; indeed, they will stand there, roaring impotently, while an adult snatches the child to safety.

[Ed, Ego and Superego]

31) monsters never go AROUND things.

[AndyC]

32. On encountering a lone, intoxicated human, a monster will react in one of three ways.

a) Pass by close enough for the guy to get a good look, but ignore him completely, allowing the drunk to either tell a story nobody believes or comically swear off booze on the spot.

b) Devour the unsuspecting drunk with perfect comic timing.

c) Pause long enough for the drunk to comically attempt to interact with it, then either leave or devour him.

[Ted C]

33) If a monster has two heads, they will inevitably fight over food.

[Ed, Ego and Superego]

34) BIG monsters can fit in SMALL places

[Ted C]

35) Monsters are often subject to involuntary teleportation, causing them to suddenly and inexplicably lose ground on humans they are chasing, especially if those humans are main characters.

[SynapticBoomstick]

36. The cell structure of a monster is unaffected by deep freezing and they will awaken from suspended animation almost as soon as they are released without need for a recovery period.

This biological fortitude can also be applied to the crushing effects of millions of tons of rock, deep water, scalding lava, and exposure due to explosions or meteor impacts.

[Ted C]

37) Monsters are prone to display behavior such as mating displays, territorial displays, or other displays that generally require them to roar loudly and pose ominously while their prey either scream incoherently (typical victims) or make good their escape (typical protagonists).