The truly terrible joke thread

[Leah]

A slice of apple pie if $3.00 in Jamaica and $5.00 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

[Svengoolie 3]

I tried to read "flatland", a book about a 2 dimensional universe.

I just couldn't get into it.

I read a book about the fukishima nuclear disaster.

Man was it hot!

I read a book about black holes by Stephen hawking.

It really pulled me  in.

I read a novelization of the the blob.

It was very absorbing.

[Svengoolie 3]

A swastika was painted on Donald trump's walk of fame star today.

Police don't know whether to look for one of his enemies or one of his supporters.

[Leah]

Why do riot police like to get work early?
To beat the crowd

A person finally wrote a book on clock fetishes.
It's about f**king time

A weasel walked into a bar. The bar tender looks at the weasel and says "I have never served a weasel before, this is exciting! What can I get you?" "Pop" goes the weasel

[Svengoolie 3]

Q: What we're Jeffrey Epstein's last words?

A:" What do you mean "Trump sent you" and why do you have  Russian accents? "

[Rev. Powell]

A man walks up to a food truck. The menu says "hot dogs $3, cheeseburgers $5, hand jobs $10."

A beautiful blonde comes to the window to take his order. He asks, "Are you the one who gives the handjobs?"

She seductively nods her head "yes."

He hands her a ten dollar bill and says, "OK. Go wash your hands real good. I'd like a couple of cheeseburgers."

[ER]

A man walks up to a food truck. The menu says "hot dogs $3, cheeseburgers $5, hand jobs $10."

A beautiful blonde comes to the window to take his order. He asks, "Are you the one who gives the handjobs?"

She seductively nods her head "yes."

He hands her a ten dollar bill and says, "OK. Go wash your hands real good. I'd like a couple of cheeseburgers."

Ha-larious! (That's like hilarious but better.)

[RCMerchant]

A weasel walked into a bar. The bar tender looks at the weasel and says "I have never served a weasel before, this is exciting! What can I get you?" "Pop" goes the weasel

[Svengoolie 3]

A man walks up to a food truck. The menu says "hot dogs $3, cheeseburgers $5, hand jobs $10."

A beautiful blonde comes to the window to take his order. He asks, "Are you the one who gives the handjobs?"

She seductively nods her head "yes."

He hands her a ten dollar bill and says, "OK. Go wash your hands real good. I'd like a couple of cheeseburgers."

Good joke there.

in fact it's so good....

[Rev. Powell]

A man walks up to a food truck. The menu says "hot dogs $3, cheeseburgers $5, hand jobs $10."

A beautiful blonde comes to the window to take his order. He asks, "Are you the one who gives the handjobs?"

She seductively nods her head "yes."

He hands her a ten dollar bill and says, "OK. Go wash your hands real good. I'd like a couple of cheeseburgers."

Good joke there.

in fact it's so good....

Feel free. Like most jokes, I stole it from someone else.

[Svengoolie 3]

A weasel walked into a bar. The bar tender looks at the weasel and says "I have never served a weasel before, this is exciting! What can I get you?" "Pop" goes the weasel

Nice rack and thighs, but by the time I got done tying her down to the bed i'd be too tired to do her.... 

[frank]

Back in the day there was a game show called Guess What It Is? Contestants were blindfolded and allowed to feel an object set in front of them, and given one minute to ask questions and figure out what the unseen mystery object was.

An old lady from Maine was on the show one night and after she was blindfolded a giant morel mushroom was set in front of her. She reached down and touched it, then asked, "Is this object something you can eat?"

The host indicated it was, and the old lady declared, "It's a moose's dick!"

Similar one:

A sausage factory explodes. One sausage goes up right before the heavenly gates. St. Peter picks it up, but has no idea what it is. He goes to god and asks him. "No idea. Must be a human thing. Ask my son, he's been there." St. Peter takes the sausage to Jesus. "I have no idea. Why don't you go and ask my mother, she has been on earth longer than me." St. Peter goes to Mary. "I have never seen something like it, but it feels like the holy spirit."

[ER]

A weasel walked into a bar. The bar tender looks at the weasel and says "I have never served a weasel before, this is exciting! What can I get you?" "Pop" goes the weasel

Nice rack and thighs, but by the time I got done tying her down to the bed i'd be too tired to do her.... 

You don't tie someone to a bed to get that person to have sex with you, Sven, you tie someone to a bed to get that person to marry you. Duh.

[Svengoolie 3]

Hear 's one RCM may like.

A woman goes to a toy store to buy her daughter her first barbie doll.

There are two models available. 

Regular barbie costs 9.99.
Divorced barbie costs 99.99.

She asks a sales lady what the difference is.

"Regular barbie comes with a bus token, third floor walk up apartment and college debt. Divorced barbie comes with ken's house,  ken's car,  ken's bank account and a new boyfriend. "

[Svengoolie 3]

Choke warning! If you're  eating or drinking anything right now swallow it before reading. We can't afford to lose any used to choking.






A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?"
The doctor looked puzzled but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them $50.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.
Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
"We're not trying to find out anything," the husband replied.
"She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50...and I get $43 back from Medicare.