The truly terrible joke thread

[Svengoolie 3]

I had a job installing computers in Unitarian churches, but there was no profit in it.

[Trevor]

The restaurant on the Moon: great food but no atmosphere 

[Alex]

I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what's telling me that.

[Alex]

You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart.

[Alex]

What is red and bad for your teeth?

A brick.

[Alex]

Can you name some advantages of living in Switzerland?

Well the flag is a big plus.

[Svengoolie 3]

You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart.

Damon Knight did this in his story "Eripmav".

[ER]

Masochist to sadist: "HURT ME!"
Sadist to masochist: "NO!"

[indianasmith]

What if slugs are just snails who have been thru a divorce?
"Yeah, I kept the golf clubs but she got the house!"

[Alex]

Q: What is the hardest shape to get out of?
A: Tell me.
Q: The trap-azoid.

[Bushma]

I was at Starbucks today and there was a cute girl in her mid 20s ahead of me in line. I started a conversation and said "Most people have given up on their new years resolutions by this point. What's your resolution?" She looked at me and said "f**k You".  I hope she hasn't given up yet, because I'm willing to help.

[indianasmith]

So if a dairy cow fails to produce, is she a milk dud or an udder failure? 

[Alex]

Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key..."

[Alex]

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in..

[Svengoolie 3]

Confuscious say man who stand on toilet high  on pot.