The truly terrible joke thread

[SPazzo]

Two peanuts walk down a dark alley.  One was assaulted.

[Sleepyskull]

Wanna hear a dirty joke?

Two white horses fell in the mud. They got dirty.


How many dead babies does it take to shingle a roof?

It depends on how thin you slice them.



How many dead babies does it take to make 10 pounds of rib meat?


It depends on whether you're making it "jerky" style.

[indianasmith]

OH NO YOU DIDN'T!!!!


What's grosser than ten dead babies in one garbage can?

One dead baby in ten garbage cans!

How do you unload a truckful of dead babies?

PITCHFORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Ed, Ego and Superego]

What is brown and sticky?

A stick

[indianasmith]

These two guys walk into a bar, right?

Which is really stupid - if the first one walked into it, the second one should have seen it!

[Joe the Destroyer]

A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

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Why do babies have soft spots on their heads? 
So the nurses can carry five out on a hand if there's a fire in the hospital.

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What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.

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What do emo kids use as birth control?
Their personalities.

[Trevor]

Two peanuts walk down a dark alley.  One was assaulted.

[Trevor]

A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

[Trevor]

A chicken crosses the road and meets up with James Bond.

Chicken: "What's your name?"
JB: "Bond. James Bond. And yours?"
Chicken: "Ken. Chic Ken."

[Mr. DS]

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks "Hey, why the long face..."

What has four wheels and flies?  A Garbage Truck

And one for Trevor...Whats grosser than gross?  Throwing your underwear at the wall and it sticks to the wall.  Whats grosser than that?  Coming back one hour later and finding the underwear two feet up the wall.  

[Mr. DS]

Two peanuts walk down a dark alley.  One was assaulted.

That took me longer than it should have to get.

[Trevor]

And one for Trevor...Whats grosser than gross?  Throwing your underwear at the wall and it sticks to the wall.  Whats grosser than that?  Coming back one hour later and finding the underwear two feet up the wall.  

+ 

[Trevor]

Q: What is the definition of high speed?

A: Skid marks by the toilet door.

[retrorussell]

3 sisters die and meet at the pearly gates.  St. Peter greets them and tells them they must each answer a question correctly in order to pass.
The first sister approaches.
"Who was the first woman created?"
"Eve."
A bell sounds.  DING!  She is granted passage.
The second sister approaches.
"Who was the first man created?"
"Adam."
DING!  She is granted passage.
The third sister approaches.
"What were the first words Eve said to Adam?"
"Gee.. that's a hard one..."
DING!

[zombie no.one]

A man walks into a cafe and orders a cup of coffee, no cream.  A moment later, the waiter comes back and says, "We're out of cream.  Can it be no milk?"

lol, I like this one.


one for UK residents:

what's worse than a dog eating your slipper?

a killer whale eating your trainer