The truly terrible joke thread

[Mr. DS]

How many people from Brooklyn does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

NONE OF YOUR F*CKING BUSINESS

[JJ80]

Two antennas got married. The ceremony was run of the mill but the reception was tremendous.

[Silverlady]

A duck walks into a pharmacy and says, "Give me a chapstick and put it on my bill."

[Trevor]

How many people from Brooklyn does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

NONE OF YOUR F*CKING BUSINESS

[zombie no.one]

how many microphone technicians does it take to change a lightbulb?


one...two

[Joe the Destroyer]

Why is six afraid of seven?

Because...

Eh, to hell with it.  This video answers it better than I do:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ySbZvbFMrtE

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What do you call a chicken in the North Pole?
Lost

[indianasmith]

Who was the greatest investor in the Bible?

Noah, he floated his stock when everyone else was liquidating!


Who was the best female investor in the Bible?

Pharaoh's daughter - she went down to the river and drew out a little prophet!

[Leah]

why is left jealous of right? because right would always be right.

[Jack]

What do you call a dead guy in a ditch?  Phil.
What do you call a dead guy in the ocean?  Bob.

How many guitar players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?  At least 10.  One to screw it in and 9 to say "I could have done it better."

[Mr. DS]

What do you call a Mexican woman with no legs?
Cunselo (sound it out)

[Trevor]

Why didn't the director of Avatar win an Oscar?

He didn't have his Camer on. 

[Silverlady]

What's invisible and smells like carrots?

Rabbitt farts

[Pilgermann]

1) Once a fellow was gardening and could not get his tulips to grow.  He asked his friend how he grew his.  His freind said "Just get some small mammals, puree them in the blender with sugar and use it as fertilizer".  The man was shocked. "Really?" "Yes" Said his friend "Tulips always grow in Hamster Jam."

2) A guy was out jogging and saw a man walking his dog.  At the corner they both stopped and the dog started to lick his parts.   The jogger sn****red and said "Some days I wish I could do that." The dog owner replied "You probably could, but you might want to pet him first."

#2 is my favorite joke ever.

lol, both of those are great.



What does a buck-toothed cow say?
"MOOF!"

What'd the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where the f--- is my tractor?!"

[Cthulhu]

What is green, and is hard to s**t out?
A tank.

[Trevor]

Stole this one from Colin Farrell in The Recruit:

"Seven o'clock this morning, sound asleep, I hear this cracking sound, ripping wood. I think it's part of this logging dream I'm having, but no. The bed's falling through the floor."