The truly terrible joke thread

[Alex]

The police have dusted Chris Rock's face.

They found Fresh Prints.

Oy...........

As a father, I am officially allowed to make bad dad jokes. In fact, I think it is compulsory.

[Trevor]

As a father, I am officially allowed to make bad dad jokes. In fact, I think it is compulsory.

Indeed

My Dad had a good one once: I brought one of my ninja turtles home with me and Mom chucked him into the washing machine (the turtle, not Dad  ). Once it was out and dried off, Dad looked at it and said "Ah, nice. He hasn't been in the sewers lately." 

[pacman000]

What do you call the chicken who tried to cross the road?

Splats!

(Also works for rabbits, squirrels, cats, & small dogs.)

What do you call the BIG dog which tried to cross the road?

Crunch!

(Also works for alligators, bobcats, & buck deer.)

What do you call the bandicoot who tried to cross the road?

Crash!

(I think I'll show myself out now...)

[Zapranoth]

How do you know the Oscar slap wasn't staged?

Will Smith's son wasn't cast in it.

[zombie no.one]

Why was the mushroom so popular?

He was a very entertaining fellow to be around.

[indianasmith]

How do you pick up Branch Davidian women?

With a dustbuster!!

(That was funny for about a two year window during the 1990's)

[Trevor]

How do you pick up Branch Davidian women?

With a dustbuster!!

(That was funny for about a two year window during the 1990's)

+ 

[RCMerchant]

A farmer walks into his bedroom where his wife is,  holding a sheep under his arm. He says " This is the pig I been f**king."
His wife says-"You idiot! That's not a pig- that's a sheep!"
The farmer says- "Shut up! I was talking to the sheep!"

[bob]

Have I told my construction joke?

I'm working on it

[indianasmith]

I went shopping for clothes the other day, and saw a really shiny pair of red boxers.  I was tempted for a moment, but then I said:

"NOT TODAY, SATIN!"

[RCMerchant]

^ That's so stupid! Why am a laughing my ass of? 

[RCMerchant]

Hitler joke time!

What do Michaelangelo and Hitler have in common?

They both used their brain to paint a ceiling.

[indianasmith]

What's the difference between George Washington and Luke Skywalker?

Washington needs his right hand man back,
Skywalker needs his right hand back, man!

[zombie no.one]

Why did the cheating chicken double-cross the road?

[indianasmith]

Why did David Hasselhoff start simply calling himself: "The Hoff?"


Because it was less Hassel.