THE BEST MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 riffs

[HappyGilmore]

Jack Frost
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68lii7CUdFw

Some of the riffs:

"Every time I meet a man, he's either gay or a bear."
"Am I un-BEAR-able?"
"Curse you and your bucket full of Rogaine."
"Ewww, Salmon breath."

There's another one I like, earlier in the film not seen in this video, where Mike points out:
"Well, looks like a plot point is the knitting of socks, so it looks like we're in for a fun ride, boys."

[AndyC]

The beginning of The Final Sacrifice, where Satoris does nothing but grin at the masked Rowsdower.

Mike: You brought the face mask, you nut.

Crow: I think the movie's going really well.

Servo: I don't know, I'm just happy.

[ChaosTheory]

From PARTS:

Richard: I found something in the river I think might be from America
Professor Dick Sargent: In the river? What is it?
Crow: It's a Gambino.

[Rev. Powell]

"Hired Part 1 short"

CROW (pretending to read a dossier on the new salesman): "...AKA the 'pantsless salesman... or the 'piddling peddler'!"

BRIDE OF THE MONSTER

JOEL: "I thought being killed by an octopus was supposed to be a peaceful death?"

Lugosi: "I will create a race of atomic supermen who will conquer the world!"
JOEL: "Anyway, that's my dream, how about you?"

JOEL: "You know, that's not something you see everyday---a Bela Lugosi stand-in carrying a lady in a wedding dress."

[AndyC]

The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies. Hard to actually repeat it all here, but I love when a musical number starts and the guys sing something that fits the music perfectly, such as The Little Drummer Boy, Silent Night, Harper Valley PTA and others. And also during the romantic solo performance, when they sing along with random lines from other songs.

Starting at about 5:10
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pO5enljdmNg
Crow gets the best lines here.
"Livin' on reds, vitamin C and cocaine."
"I really love your peaches, wanna shake your tree."
"My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hon."

[Rev. Powell]

Hired, Part II

JOEL: "We're gonna have leadership the way my old man taught me! You, put a handkerchief on your head! You, swat at imaginary elves!"

MANOS

TOM: "So what are we, about a half-hour into the movie?"
JOEL: "No, about a minute."
TOM: "Huh."

CROW: "This is going to turn into a snuff film, isn't it Joel?"

JOEL: "Every frame of this movie looks like someone's last known photograph."

[AndyC]

The Incredibly Strange Creatures....

Mike: And Joan Collins is checked into the boards.

[AndyC]

Sidehackers:

J.C.: We'll see what kind of game he's playing.
Servo: Othello? Hungry Hungry Hippos? Chutes and Ladders? Candyland maybe.

[HappyGilmore]

The Beast of Yucca Flats
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A5xqLqZkIOQ&feature=related

"Heh, Tor Johnson as the Beast? That's just smart casting."
"I figured Tor Johnson would play the Butler."

[Rev. Powell]

WARRIOR OF THE LOST WORLD

[The opening image is blurry from the heat rising off the asphalt highway]
JOEL: You know, it's not so much the apocalypse, it's the humidity.

[Motorcyclist goes up in flames]
JOEL: Another Buddhist protesting the helmet laws.

[Megaweapon is crushing the hero's annoying talking motorcycle under his wheel]
ALL: MEG-A-WEAPON! MEG-A-WEAPON!
TOM: Make it last, Megaweapon...

[Trevor]

From PARTS:

Richard: I found something in the river I think might be from America
Professor Dick Sargent: In the river? What is it?
Crow: It's a Gambino.

[bob]

The Beast of Yucca Flats
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A5xqLqZkIOQ&feature=related

"Heh, Tor Johnson as the Beast? That's just smart casting."
"I figured Tor Johnson would play the Butler."

Just saw that on NetFlix and I was going to post the video. Good stuff!

[AndyC]

Sidehackers:

(Rommel has a phony-looking blood smear on his cheek)
Servo: Uh, you got a little...
Crow: Looks like that jelly doughnut got away on him.

[AndyC]

Posture Pals:

Narrator: Shoulders back, arms are easy at the sides, look straight ahead...
Joel: And you truck like the doodah man.
Servo: Oh, got your chips cashed in.

(Ms. Martin walks straight ahead, turns and walks back)
Servo: Here she reenacts her first DUI.

Narrator: She shows them the importance of good foot position.
Joel: Uh, Ms. Martin has a little too much free time on her hands.

(On seeing a poorly-drawn leaning house on the blackboard)
Joel: Miss Martin! Tommy drew a bong!

Narrator: Tommy reminds Jimmy when Jimmy stands off balance.
Crow: Tears of shame pour down Tommy's face.

Crow: Mom's dress matches the wallpaper!

Narrator: Jane's father has a way of reminding Jane when she forgets.
Servo: All right, honey, I'm gonna kill this tree if you don't stand straight.
Narrator: A young plant shouldn't be bent like that.
Joel: Then stop doing it!

(Boy's silhouette walks onscreen)
Crow: Hey, it's Hitchcock.
Servo: After Slim Fast.

[Rev. Powell]

SWAMP DIAMONDS

["Touch" Conners' girlfriend has fallen into the swamp, where an alligator approaches.  It's very obvious the actress was filmed in a swimming pool nowhere near the action.]

Girl [splashing]: Help!
TOM: Just stand up, your in the shallow end!
["Touch" Conners rips off his shirt and dives in the water after her]
CROW: Wait, how's he going to get to the pool where she is?

TOM: Wouldn't it be funny if they just turned out to be swamp cubic zirconias?