Things You Learn From Having Sons...

[BTM]

A friend of mine sent me this email, I thought I'd repost it here, as I know there's a lot of parents on the board.  (I think the last one is funny regardless of who you are.)

You find out interesting things when you have sons, like...
1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh', it's already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR's do not eject 'PB &J' sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

[asimpson2006]

While I have no children of my own, and with the way my health is going I may end up not being able to have kids, I know #3 is in fact true because I have experienced it numerous times.  I have 3 nephews ages 4, 2, and 6 months.  The oldest one screams a lot and is pretty much the main reason why I don't go to restaurants with my sister's family when I am offered a chance to go.

[schmendrik]

Re: #18. I raised two daughters and adopted a more general policy: Don't ask questions if you don't want to know the answer.

[ER]

I happen to know #20 is a fact.

[schmendrik]

I'm pretty sure Dave Barry verified #2 with a Barbie doll, not dust bunnies.

He also confirmed that one flavor of pop-tart (strawberry?) will eventually catch fire in a toaster if you force it to stay in there long enough. We're talking huge flames.

I'd say don't try this at home, but... see #25. Actually, please tell your lawyers that I did say don't try this at home.

Actually, in all seriousness, stay away from the Clorox and brake fluid thing. I don't know what specific chemical reaction is involved, but since it involves chlorine gas via the Clorox, I'd bet the smoke is pretty toxic stuff.

[LilCerberus]

Ahh... BACHELORHOOD!!!

[Magnus]

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

Not sure how true this one is.  I use to do this in collage with a tennis ball.   I would see if I could get the ball to go through the blades on it the way up as well as the way down.  I don't recall the ball going that far even on high. 

[RCMerchant]

When my son Jed was very young...he stuck a total of 7-yes SEVEN!!! peas up his nose. Three in one nostril,four in the other. It took a doctor to get them out. 

[ghouck]

He also confirmed that one flavor of pop-tart (strawberry?) will eventually catch fire in a toaster if you force it to stay in there long enough. We're talking huge flames.

When I was a kid, a neighbor's house caught on fire from toasting a pop-tart. Because of that, my mother NEVER bought pop-tarts. I never had one until I was in my 20's.

[AndyC]

This thread reminds me of a buddy of mine from my hometown. He was one of four brothers growing up on a farm (space, isolation, lots of places to hide out and lots of dangerous stuff to play with) and largely left to their own devices.

They managed to prove that if you jump on a bloated, dead pig, you can make it fart loudly. If two people with a sheet of plywood run into a high wind, they can fly - just not very far or very straight. A cat placed in a spin drier will stagger around in a humorous fashion once released. Fortunately, the lightning experiment (walking around in a thunderstorm waving pieces of corrugated tin) was inconclusive.

In addition to the scientific research, fun included dressing in multiple layers of clothing and shooting at each other with pellet guns. And when they got a little older, nothing beat sowing around in the fields in a couple of old cars.

And that's just the stuff I heard about. I didn't meet up with this guy until high school. By that time, his shenanigans were mostly limited to reckless driving.

[Trevor]

They managed to prove that if you jump on a bloated, dead pig, you can make it fart loudly. If two people with a sheet of plywood run into a high wind, they can fly - just not very far or very straight. A cat placed in a spin drier will stagger around in a humorous fashion once released. Fortunately, the lightning experiment (walking around in a thunderstorm waving pieces of corrugated tin) was inconclusive.

[Jack]

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

Yeah, but a 5 year old girl can scream so loud and at such a high frequency that it actually causes momentary deafness.  I can personally vouch for this 

[ER]

Years ago I watched my cousin's little boy for her and one thing I learned from him is that in a three-year-old's universe, one of those circular racks of jeans in a department store can double as a urinal. 

[trekgeezer]

Those strawberry pop-tarts are dangerous.  I came home one day from work and there was toaster in the back yard.  It evidently caught fire on one of the kids and my wife yanked the cord from the wall and heaved it out the back door.  Guess what was in the toaster.


My kids weren't usually too loud in restaurants, but get them in Walmart or Target and I never had any trouble tracking them down.

[Mr. DS]

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

I decided to take my two and a half year old out for some Christmas culture this past Sunday.  We went to a Christmas concert at the local libray.  We got a front row seating place.  He was fine for the first two songs but when a kid played "Silent Night" on piano he went into loud commentary mode.
Son: "DADDY HE PLAY PIANO"
(whole room looks at us)
Me: "You're right but please shhhhh..."
Son: "NO YOU SHUSH"
Me: "Ok, we're leaving..."