Beowulf

[Andrew]

You've read the story of Beowulf, right?  This movie is just like the epic poem, except for the techno music, chainsaw swords, and martial arts.  Oh, and Grendel's mother is a hottie.

Click here to go to the Review

[trekgeezer]

You do know that Robert Zemeckis has made a new all motion-capture CG version of Beowulf.  Angelina Jolie plays Grendel's mother. It is also in digital 3D.


http://www.beowulfmovie.com/

[Torgo]

My friends and I suffered through a Christopher Lambert night of 3 of his lesser movies (which is pretty much all of them with the exception of Highlander) and Beowulf was one that someone brought.

Thoroughly stupid, pointless and technically inept in every way.

[nshumate]

I wrote a review of it a while back.  Right now, the only things I can remember are:

1) Backflips
2) Cleavage
3) Rust!  Everywhere, rust!

[steve]

dude,

i thought that was rhona mitra!!

omg, i would watch her in anything.  err...as proven by me watching her in this thing...sometimes I don't know how you do it.

i mean, i'm a cop and i face danger sometimes...but...these movies are downright dangerous to your sanity.

[Dr. Whom]

I checked out the imdb page of the actress who plays Grendel's mother, and guess what? Most her appearances are in Playboy specials. Talk of astute casting decisions.

[BoyScoutKevin]

A number of thoughts.

Tim and Greg? Would their last name begin with the letter "H," as in Hildebrandt?

The main difference between this film and "Krull," is that "Krull" is a good "bad" movie, while this one is just a bad "bad" movie.

This is turning out to be one of the great B-movie cliches, as this is the second time I've seen it, in three reviews. Everybody line up one by one, so the hero can beat the snot out of you individually, instead of everybody ganging up on the hero at the same time.

That three-bladed knife Lambert carries, actually existed. You'd catch your opponents' swordblade in it, and with a flick of your wrist, snap the swordblade, leaving your opponent at a disadvantage.

[Neville]

I watched this one while in college, I was doing a piece on the original poem and though the film would make a good comparison. So I rented the DVD and coerced my best friend, who had a brand new DVD system, to watch it with me. I don't know what freaked him out worse, what was going on on the giant TV set or that I spent the whole movie taking notes.

Andrew, next time you think of doing a Christophe Lambert movie I suggest "Mean guns". It's bad, but also loads of fun. At least you'll save yourself the aspirins.

[ZScaleKitty]

Wow...  I've been visiting this site for years with hopes of one day sending in some of my reviews.  Beowulf was going to be one of them.
Andrew, you beat me to it.      Awesome review!

[Andrew]

Tim and Greg? Would their last name begin with the letter "H," as in Hildebrandt?

That would be it, except the guy in this movie was lacking the "t" at the end of the name.

Wow...  I've been visiting this site for years with hopes of one day sending in some of my reviews.  Beowulf was going to be one of them.
Andrew, you beat me to it.      Awesome review!

Welcome aboard, ZScaleKitty!  This is one of those bad movies that has a lot of things for a reviewer to talk about.  I still cannot figure out why they had to go and "punk" the whole thing.

[HarlotBug3]

For anyone who's curious, the only screen adaptation of Beowulf I've seen is an episode of Star Trek Voyager, but I have read the original epic poem.

I'm an english major, I had to.

No movie, 45 minutes or 3 hours long, could be more grueling than this 'classic' work.

10% action, 10% setting, and 80% looooooooong wiiiiiiiiiiindy speachifying.

At most, it's interesting to speculate how Christianized, and how true, the original story might have been.

[nshumate]

For anyone who's curious, the only screen adaptation of Beowulf I've seen is an episode of Star Trek Voyager, but I have read the original epic poem.

I'm an english major, I had to.

No movie, 45 minutes or 3 hours long, could be more grueling than this 'classic' work.

10% action, 10% setting, and 80% looooooooong wiiiiiiiiiiindy speachifying.

At most, it's interesting to speculate how Christianized, and how true, the original story might have been.

Gotta weigh in as an English major in opposition.  I think it's a fine work, and I enjoy reading it -- even in verse.

[316zombie]

i agree that the movie pretty much sucked,and was very disappointing.i also agree that the poem itself is very cool!and i'm not a poetry fan at all!

[ZScaleKitty]

I still cannot figure out why they had to go and "punk" the whole thing.

Sure it may of been punked, but maybe Hollywood is trying to make up for this horrible movie:
Blade of the King Concept Film (2005)
Beowulf & Grendel (2005)
Beowulf (2007)
Grendel (2007) (TV)
Beowulf: Prince of the Geats (2007)


Can anyone say overkill?  How many more versions will there be?

[Ted C]

You've read the story of Beowulf, right?  This movie is just like the epic poem, except for the techno music, chainsaw swords, and martial arts.

NOT!

Sure, there are some vague similarities, but this is unequivocally NOT the story told in the epic poem.  I'm not sure what the writers were thinking (or drinking), but what they achieved was something that is almost-but-not-quite completely unlike Beowulf.