HELL COMES TO FROGTOWN
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| Rated R
| | Copyright 1987 New World Entertainment Ltd
| | Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'
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- Sam Hell - Roddy Piper! The most fertile man left on Earth after WWIII.
- Spangle - Sandra Bergman! (You know, the blonde girl from "Conan the Barbarian") She is a "Medtech" officer or something.
- Captain Devling - Evil human who is selling weapons to the frogmen. Shot by Sam.
- Centinella - Very sexually aggressive girl who is the ambulance gunner. Yes, the pink Medtech ambulance is equipped with a M60 machine gun.
- Looney Tunes - Old man, Sam and him go back a long way. Get's shot.
- Arabella - Frog woman who is sworn to battle against Commander Toty. Has a drill bit shoved through her chest.
- Bull - Henchman to Toty, a very violent hopper. Roddy suplexes him to death!
- Commander Toty - The king of Frogtown. Knocked off a cliff by Sam.
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What can I say? It's a movie all about Roddy Piper's genitals and violent bipedal amphibians, pretty much sums it up. Nuts - Frogs.
Anyway, Earth has a nuclear war (pretty common plot) and a good deal of mankind is rendered infertile (still fairly common) by the exchange. Sam is a petty criminal who narrowly misses some serious bodily harm at the hands of Captain Devling (mean police/guards/military - very common) when the Medtechs take charge of him. Seems they are very interested in Roddy Piper's sperm count (now THIS is a new plot idea) and offer a pardon if he agrees to impregnate women in the wastelands. (HEHEHEHEHEHE!)
Soon Sam and Spangle are on a mission to rescue fertile women held captive by Commander Toty in Frogtown. In the midst of all this they fall head over heels in love with each other. Good grief. There are some amusing props, not the least of which is the electric truss thing Sam wears to protect and monitor his family jewels. When he is bad Spangle uses the truss to shock his nads, and it beeps when he gets too far away from her. (Again more nad zapping.)
Spangle's erotic dance for Commander Toty which ends with him yelling, "You have aroused the three snakes!" is not to be missed. The verbal imagry is all there; anybody else out there see Legend of the Overfiend? If the idea of a slobbering toad attempting to mount Sandra Bergman with his tri-barrel-schlong-of-doom scares you then DO NOT watch that movie. We never have to see the piece(s) of equipment in question, only three disturbing lumps in his clothing. No, I don't know if coitus with a frog is the cause of genital warts... |
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| Things I Learned From This Movie: | |
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- After a nuclear war sperm is da bomb!
- Don't piss off a woman with a medium machine gun.
- Having a monitoring device, complete with nut shocker, on your package, SUCKS.
- Seeing a girl strip is less appealing when she's wearing really thick glasses.
- Women in the military have camoflage lingerie.
- Leading a woman around by a chain collar and leash is instant "Happy Thought Land."
- If you're going to be sleeping with mutant frog girls keep a bag or two handy.
- Being run through with a sword will not incapacitate you.
- Having five women to knock up is pretty daunting.
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- 4 mins - Did that masked guy just ribbet?
- 12 mins - A pink ambulance with a M60 mounted on it.
- 21 mins - She worked "the flap" and it sounded like a suitcase lock opening.
- 37 mins - A deserted refinery. Why is it that every city on Earth looks like a deserted refinery after WWIII is done?
- 52 mins - That sounds just like Captain Devling.
- 54 mins - Yikes, chainsaw! Common problem Bull, they always run out of gas when you are trying to dismember the hero.
- 71 mins - Are they taking mortar or artillery fire? Oh, it's a recoiless rifle... ...but those don't impact like that...
- 75 mins - Sam! What are you kidding? This is a bad movie, shoot the motionless bad guy.
- 87 mins - Special thanks to Fred Olen Ray huh? That explains volumes.
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| | Audio clips in wav format | SOUNDS | Starving actors speak out | |
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| File | Dialog |  | hellfrog1.wav
| Medtech: "Mr. Hellman, I can understand why you're so popular with the ladies...you've left a string of pregnancies everywhere you've been."
| | hellfrog2.wav
| Sam: "Hey ladies, you just about got my ass shot off back there! Now we're going into hostile mutant territory at full throttle. Damn, I hope you know what you're doing!"
| | hellfrog3.wav
| Commander Toty: "Dance for me!"
| | hellfrog4.wav
| Spangle: "Stop!"
Sam: "Why?"
Spangle: "You gotta to save yourself for fertiles."
Sam: "I have enough."
| | Theme Song | Listen to a clip from the soundtrack. | |
| | Click for a larger image | IMAGES | Scenes from the movie | |
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| | Watch a scene | VIDEO | MPEG video files | |
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 | hellfrog1.mpg
- 3.0m
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| Spangle's dance has the (un)desired effect on Commander Toty. "You have aroused the three snakes!" Aiiiieeeee!
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| | Leave a comment | EXTRAS | Buy the movie | |
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